Calories in, calories out - you will likely overeat on the Norwegian Jewel, but there's plenty of space for exercise, including the walking/jogging circuit on the upper decks. Photo / Cherie Howie
Calories in, calories out - you will likely overeat on the Norwegian Jewel, but there's plenty of space for exercise, including the walking/jogging circuit on the upper decks. Photo / Cherie Howie
Join Cherie Howie for an inside look at the recently refurbished Norwegian Jewel cruise ship as it slices through the waves in Asia
I thought I was going to see a woman sawn in half.
But it’s better, especially once I’d despatched that wired-in Kiwi awkwardness when someone starts talking about feelings.
“I’m oooold”, groans magician Zlwin Chew, stretching out the single vowel as he mimics the usual response cruise passengers give when asked their age.
We’re sailing through the night somewhere off Borneo on the freshly refurbished Norwegian Jewel, and Chew’s switched from numerical trickery and card illusions to something a little more philosophical for the hundreds inside Stardust Theatre.
It is parent company Norwegian Cruise Lines’ first time in Asia since the pandemic, with a zhuzhed up ride and a swag of new destinations being enjoyed by a capacity sailing of more than 2000 passengers, attended by a crew topping 1000.
It’s an upbeat crowd in the 964-seat theatre and that’s how it should be, because not everyone’s blessed with the gift of years, Chew says.
“We know there are people who’d still like to be living, who are not. So be grateful you live to be old, because a lot of other people don’t get that opportunity.”
Magician Zlwin Chew is an energetic performer whose show also includes puzzles and poetry.
It’d be deliciously easy to dis Chew, whose muscled physique earns squeals when he reveals a chest bare of hidden magic-making devices, and whose knees happily absorb the impact of flying leaps off stage.
But as the magic man from Malaysia recites Ulysses, Alfred Tennyson’s Victorian-era poem on the ageless desire for adventures that make life worth living, and all while mastering a perpetual puzzle to show there’s always room for new things, raising a cynical eyebrow is a big ask.
Especially when you’re sitting in a 93,502 tonne floating hotel that’s carrying you around a place that’s hooked maritime explorers for centuries.
Conditions now are much improved.
From the moment you step aboard the 294m Norwegian Jewel you’re immediately greeted by people and places designed to make life at sea a lot more comfortable than explorers of the past enjoyed.
It can be overwhelming.
Norwegian Jewel, pictured in 2020, was built in 2005 but underwent a full refurbishment last year.
Think of the first time you explored the internet (under 40s, humour me), and how everything seemed limitless.
And yet, to each their own.
Some passengers are drawn to the Spinnaker Lounge dancefloor, others to the near-solitude of the sun decks near the bow, some the karaoke superstar events and sea-day comedy of the men’s “sexy legs” contest, others to classes on making origami fish or pairing wine and chocolate.
And while each of us has our own interests and preferences as we sail from Taiwan to Singapore over 12 days, our most basic needs are universal - food and shelter.
A balcony stateroom on Norwegian Jewel. Photo / Christian Santiago
If you’re staying in a balcony stateroom like me, expect a comfy King-sized bed (twin share available), a small couch that can double as a third bed, ample wardrobe and cupboard space, a mini-fridge and TV, and a not-too-squishy bathroom.
On the balcony you’ll find a small table, two deck chairs and a whole lotta view of the big blue - late nights watching the fantastic faraway daily lightning storms highly recommended.
There are 360 of these rooms onboard, with 134 of the larger Club Balcony Suites and 243 and 405 respectively of the more affordable Oceanview and Inside rooms.
No shower curtain for you - the bathroom in Norwegian Jewel's balcony stateroom comes with a glass sliding door.
The most luxurious quarters are reserved for the mix of 18 in the Haven, including eight two-bedroom family villas with balconies.
As for the grub, you’ll be as far from hunger as Donald Trump is from scandal.
There’s six complimentary restaurants, and you’ll likely become most familiar with the thrice-daily open buffet Garden Cafe on deck 12 - it has so many options, from pizza to roasts to salads and a range of Asian favourites that it’s hard to imagine anyone walking away with an empty plate.
The juice and dessert bars are complimented by a self-service ice-cream machine.
There's comfort food like these Buffalo and chilli and lime chicken nibbles, and a BLT sandwich, 24 hours a day at Norwegian Jewel's always-open O'Sheehans Restaurant. Photo / Cherie Howie
Only O’Sheehan’s can compete with Garden’s hours, offering a limited but fussy-friendly menu 24-hours, filling those 2am cheeseburger or Buffalo chicken nibble cravings.
Other complementary restaurants include Western-fare favourites Azura and the Palace, Asian fusion at Chin Chin, Japanese at Sushi Bar and build your own cheeseburgers and hotdogs at Topsiders Bar on the pool deck.
The delicious Gnocchi Di Patate Al Pesto at La Cucina restaurant on Norwegian Jewel. Photo / Cherie Howie
But it’s the specialty a-la-carte menu restaurants where you’ll find the extra, from the creamy basil and pine nut-drenched gnocchi di patate al pesto at La Cucina to the gastronomical wallop of 566g of Porterhouse steak at Cagney’s.
At French restaurant Le Bistro, the favourite of Captain Vicente Amicone, the onion soup arrives drowning in flavour while the Brazilian Moderno should only be attempted on an empty stomach - wait staff will go you a dozen rounds bringing new cuts of meats to sample.
Expect to see multi-talented chefs at Teppanyaki, where cooking, juggling, slicing and even singing prowess will be on show.
Working off all those extra calories is best done in the relative cool of the evening, with a steady stream of walkers and joggers around the exercise circuit, but there’s also a gym, golf driving range and multi-use sports green for travellers with energy to burn.
A busy pool and spa deck during a sea day as Norwegian Jewel cruise ship sailed through Asia in November 2023. Photo / Cherie Howie
Meanwhile, the two on-board pools can hold dozens of travellers, but if you prefer laps to lolling it pays to arrive before the crowds - it’ll also guarantee you the choice of sun loungers or shaded tables.
An evening dip in the pool or soak in the hot tub meanwhile will provide you the tranquility to contemplate that you’re floating in a body of water that’s fixed to something also floating in a body of water.
Deep.
But not too much of that - send yourself half a dozen floors down and you’ll instead be soaking up the snazzy drinks and laidback company in the Jewel’s bar strip, where neighbouring joints pour champagne, wine, beer, whiskey and plenty of cocktails.
Over at the Atrium, piano bar entertainer Louis Razon can be found sharing soothing tunes, naturally among them Billy Joel’s Piano Man.
Others are drawn back to Stardust, with its regular rota of live entertainment.
Expect to be wowed by the athleticism and skill of the artists in Le Cirque Bijou.
In house circus Le Cirque Bijou draws the biggest evening crowds late in the cruise, the audience mesmerised as brightly costumed performers twirl, spin and soar above - watch for the standout “White Diamond” duo’s athleticism as the female half balances one-handed on her male partner’s skull.
And if it all feels like too long at the fair, a day pass for Mandara Spa is the perfect antidote.
Steam, sauna, spa and cold plunge in the single sex quarters before moving to the unisex space where you can lounge on heated tile beds while sharing the skipper’s view beyond the bow.
A massive range of personal treatments are also available, but you’ll need to be firm about what you want - or not - as the attendants’ upselling game is strong.
Cherie Howie snapping a quick selfie with the Norwegian Jewel cruise ship while docked at Phu My in Vietnam. Photo / Cherie Howie
And then, relax.
Up high, where most of us cross great swathes of water, oceans are to yawn over from motorised tin cans at 10,000m.
But down here, you can watch the past wash away in the foamy white wake that trails your hotel-on-the-sea.
Ahead - the future - is unknown. But that’s okay, because you’re here, now.
And as a thoughtful young magician knows, that is a wonderful thing.
Cherie Howie is an Auckland-based reporter who joined the Herald in 2011. She has been a journalist for more than 20 years and specialises in general news and features.
