The man is on trial accused of being violent and forcing the woman to have sex, involving the use of toys and pornography, several times a week.
WARNING: This article discusses family violence, which may upset some readers.
Acrimonious scenes played out in a Wellington courtroom, with an ex-wife accusing her former husband of being “mental”.
Judge Bill Hastings called a short adjournment to allow the woman, who was giving evidence by audio-visual link at the man’s trial, to compose herself.
But the disharmony continued when the pair could not agree on crucial details about their wedding.
The 47-year-old man, whose name is suppressed, is defending 25 charges in the Wellington District Court. The charges relate to his treatment of his ex-wife and are mostly sex- and violence-related.
The Crown alleges the husband was violent and controlling, and frequently forced the woman to have sex, involving the use of toys and pornography. He was charged after the woman went to police in 2022.
Today when the woman gave evidence, the man’s lawyer Marty Robinson said her ex-husband recalled she had suffered depression after the birth of their son.
“These are the lies that he would make up to tell everyone”, the ex-wife said, before adding, “You are mental, you bastard, not me.”
“Are you talking to me or [the ex-husband]?” Robinson asked.
“I’m talking to [the ex-husband]” the woman responded.
When court resumed, the ex-wife asked Robinson what evidence her former husband had that she had suffered from depression, alleging this was a tactic he used.
“This is what he does whenever he’s stuck. He says I’m dealing with depression,” she said.
But Robinson said his client alleged she was the one who made false allegations when things got tough.
“If I wanted to make false allegations, I wouldn‘t have lived with him for so long,” she said.
Robinson referred to an argument the pair had in 2022 after he’d visited an escort. Following that argument, she had allegedly made false allegations of violence, the lawyer said.
“These are all lies, what is he saying?” the woman asked.
Earlier in the day, Robinson showed the woman a photo of the couple that his client said was taken on their wedding day.
But the ex-wife said it wasn’t a wedding, but a party to celebrate their relationship.
She’d previously told the court they had a registry wedding with no witnesses, however, she couldn’t recall the date.
The defence then played the jury a video of the event showing the ex-wife in a yellow dress, with her hair swept up, and holding a bouquet.
The husband wore a dark suit and matching yellow tie. The video shows the couple dancing together in a crowded room.
She told the court it wasn’t a wedding because she wasn’t wearing a bridal gown.
The woman described the celebration as a hidden affair, saying not all her relations knew about it because they would not support the marriage and she feared she could be harmed.
She insisted the celebration had gone ahead because it was what her husband and his family had wanted.
“He has manipulated me since day one. He made me have a sense of trust or false trust in having a better life. He made me believe we could show everyone the love that we had and move past all the hurdles that we are facing,” she said.
The defence then played a second video showing the pair sitting in a room on large, gold-gilded chairs. The couple are smartly dressed, he in a blue suit and tie and she clothed in black.
She said this was a simple wedding celebration, which was also organised at the request of his family.
“So you had two parties to celebrate how much you love each other while being fearful that you will be killed if known by the other side of the family,” Robinson asked.
“This was all the things that his family wanted ... even though they knew the situation that we were in they were still asking to have these events,” she said.
Robinson asked the ex-wife to identify everyone in the room featured in the video. As she did, she asked what relevance it had to her case.
She denied one of the attendees was an uncle she’d earlier told the court she was scared of. She insisted it was the husband of a woman sitting nearby.
Robinson said his client claimed it was the uncle she was scared of and who she said had beaten her.
The ex-wife said her husband was lying and he’d never met the uncle she referred to.
When Robinson put to the woman that his client’s mother would testify next week and it was expected she would confirm it was the uncle she had referred to, the woman accused the mother of lying.
“Of course she’s going to confirm that’s the uncle, because she is going to support all of her son’s lies”.
The jury trial is expected to continue for at least another week.
How to get help: If you’re in danger now: • Phone the police on 111 or ask neighbours or friends to ring for you. • Run outside and head for where there are other people. Scream for help so your neighbours can hear you. • Take the children with you. Don’t stop to get anything else. • If you are being abused, remember it’s not your fault. Violence is never okay.
Where to go for help or more information: • Women’s Refuge: Crisis line - 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843 (available 24/7) • Shine: Helpline - 0508 744 633 (available 24/7) • It’s Not Ok: Family violence information line - 0800 456 450 • Shakti: Specialist services for African, Asian and Middle Eastern women and children. • Crisis line - 0800 742 584 (available 24/7) • Ministry of Justice: For information on family violence • Te Kupenga Whakaoti Mahi Patunga: National Network of Family Violence Services • White Ribbon: Aiming to eliminate men’s violence towards women.
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Catherine Hutton is an Open Justice reporter, based in Wellington. She has worked as a journalist for 20 years, including at the Waikato Times and RNZ. Most recently she was working as a media adviser at the Ministry of Justice.
Two men were arrested as police executed a number of warrants.