KEY POINTS:
The seven deadly sins cover pretty much all bad behaviour. Over the years, I think I've worked my way through all of them, so the best I can hope for when I finally pop off is a long stretch in purgatory, especially as I'm not at all sorry I committed some of them.
The Vatican's headline-grabbing attempt to modernise the deadly sins provided much food for thought over the week as we all came up with 21st-century versions of the mortal sins.
Bearing in mind that all the biggies are covered off by God already - child abuse, adultery, murder, theft and the like - here are the crimes and misdemeanours I reckon should be upgraded to sins, and the sorts of people I think should have to do some serious explaining when they reach the Pearly Gates.
People who get dogs, for instance, then abandon them because the dogs are too active. Or they don't have time for them. Or because they're going overseas. Surely you work out whether the dog is right for your lifestyle before you adopt it? And what sort of people abandon an animal that's been a part of the family for a number of years because they're going overseas? If you can find another family for your pet, then that's okay, but if you just dump them at the SPCA and leave them to die, you should go straight to hell.
And what about those evil bastards at the gym. There you are, working furiously in your kickboxing or spin class, sucking in air, and someone in front of you lets rip with a silent and violent. The effect is akin, I imagine, to being blasted with pepper spray. There is nothing you can do to get away from the putrid fug, until the air con finally triumphs. And don't tell me you can't help it. That's bollocks. You wouldn't do it in front of your boss or a date you were trying to impress.
Speaking of dates, I think there should be a law that says people who say they're going to ring back, must. Whether it's someone you've been to dinner with, or a prospective employer, or a tradesman, if they tell you they're going to call you back, they should, or suffer eternal damnation.
Driving and parking is a minefield of malfeasance. Texting and driving, failure to indicate, parking in the disabled carparks and stealing someone else's parking spot would all ensure a one-way ticket down the road to perdition. And rudeness to service staff. People who are lucky enough to be invited to corporate events and who are then rude to the young men and women serving them the free plonk; people who click their fingers at waiters at restaurants; every last one of them should be spit-roasted at Lucifer's luau. Those are my mortal sins just off the top of my head - feel free to add your own. We can all be gods when we play this game.
