Counter negative thoughts

By JULIE MIDDLETON

The key to beating imposter syndrome - feelings of inadequacy despite evidence to the contrary - is catching the negative self-talk that starts it all, says University of Auckland clinical psychologist John Read.

Such talk "operates like a closed audiotape at the back of our minds", he says.

"Every time something bad happens, that tape starts playing - 'I'm stupid', perhaps - or the stuff you got from parents and teachers when you were growing up. And if you got enough negative messages, this tape may be very loud."

His advice on how to bust the imposter: get a notebook and a pen and carry them with you at all times. Every time you feel a bout of negative thinking coming on, catch and record the statements that are recurring.

It's not an easy thing to do, Read concedes. "Catching them is the hard part. They work just below consciousness."

But the words on the "tape" are "the same thing every time, regardless of the external event".

Once you've picked the pattern, start practising replacing it with something sensible.

"Not 'I'm the best in the world, most beautiful and lovable'," says Read, "but something realistic, something like: 'I am good at some things and not so good at others. I'm a good enough person'."

It requires some effort, he says, and how long it takes to turn the negative tide depends on how ingrained those messages are.

Discussion with others can also help to break the pattern.

"If women at work talk about these things, it becomes a joke: 'I'm doing it again'. How many times have you put yourself down today?"

He concedes, however, that it would be a rare and unusually supportive office culture that would allow this.

"The workplace can be a pretty tough place to acknowledge weaknesses."

For high-flying Mary, who opened our story on C11, the cure for imposter syndrome came "by comparing myself to all the people I knew who thought or acted like they were great at what they did".

"Once I scratched beneath the surface and compared their actual achievements with mine, it became apparent who the real imposters were - not me!"

For some, validation needed to be external and undeniable. As part of what she calls her recovery, editor Cassie sat entrance tests for bright-sparks club Mensa "as a way of finding out once and for all whether I was actually clever or not". The results showed she is brighter than 99 per cent of us.

"I know that there's a lot of dispute about the validity of IQ tests, but I found it extremely validating and it gave me a lot of confidence."

Some are still doing daily battles. Confesses 30-something Dene: "I've been writing for 10 years, but still, often when I get a phone call or message or an email from an editor or from someone I've written about, I assume the worst - that it's all been a horrible mistake and I'm no good at what I do.

"Each time, I have to remind myself that the general consensus is that I'm very good at what I do. And usually the call or message is another commission or compliment, rather than a reprimand."

And it appears that the impact of imposter syndrome can lessen as we age.

"I don't suffer from it any more," says Mary, "and I believe it comes down to self-confidence and self-belief.

"I'm also at an age, 48, where I don't care about proving myself to the world any more, and that provides an amazing sense of freedom."

Says Cassie: "Much of the learning has come from actually realising that when people look at me with utter surprise, saying, 'How did you come up with that? It's so clever' they actually mean it.

"Just because I can't come up with it absolutely every day of my life doesn't mean I'm a fraud.

"It has also come from realising that people who have made it stuff up big-time quite regularly. Yet they recover, deal with it as best they can, and carry on.

"After stuffing up several times myself, recovering, surviving and even rescuing the situation only to see people don't think I'm a fraud - that they still do think I'm good at my job - I've finally come to realise I am."

Pauline Rose Clance, the psychologist who first gave the condition the imposter label in the late 1970s, offers this piece of advice: imagine telling your colleagues and superiors how you have fooled them, she says. Yes, it would sound ridiculous.