KEY POINTS:
"I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time." - Anna Freud
There have been many articles and books written on the subject of confidence and how to achieve it, but I have found that addressing the following areas a tried and tested way to not only build confidence but maintain it in times of uncertainty.
Analyse your Strengths & Weaknesses
First, you need to recognize that you have tremendous possibility to succeed and that you have strength, ability and character to achieve anything you want. You have one or more areas of excellence. Take the time to identify them and capitalize on them continuously.
- What are you interested in?
- What is your passion?
- What do you like to do?
Look over your past and think of something that you excelled at!
Successful and wealthy people didn't make any money at the beginning. What they did is that they identified their areas of excellence, they continuously learned and capitalized on their strengths. Money and riches came after. That's exactly what you should do. Harness your strengths and put them to work for you and others.
EXERCISE
1. Write a list of all your strengths, skills, attributes and successes both personally and professionally. Get really specific.
2. Personally - if you are a mother, father, daughter, son, think of the qualities it takes to be good at that role ie. patience, courage, negotiation skills, staying power, tolerance, kindness etc. etc. Write those qualities down.
3. Professionally - think about the different aspects of your job and the attributes and skills it takes to do those tasks and write those down.
4. Review all the reasons on your list that you can be more confident in future and add to your list each day.
Strong people have strong weaknesses
Weaknesses are inevitable and once identified can often be turned around into strengths that work for you rather than against you.
The problem is that unsuccessful people focus on their weaknesses, while successful people focus on their strengths. What you dwell upon will grow. Focus on your strengths and attributes and build on them and this will increase your self-esteem and self confidence.
Setting Goals & making Plans
You need to set a lot of goals: some for the day, some for the week, for the months and the year to come.
In 5 years, where would you be, who would you become?
- What would be your ideal life?
- What would be the relationships with your family, your friends?
- What kind of work would you do?
- What kind of income would you earn?
- Would you be healthy?
- Wealthy? How healthy? How wealthy?
EXERCISE
1. Take about an hour every weekend and plan carefully your week in advance. Plan specifically and precisely: "What would I do Monday at 8 in the morning, and at 10 etc..."
This will give you assurance, satisfaction and happiness because you know exactly how your week will end up. Of course, there are impromptus, but by doing this you prepare, and by preparing, you do not fear.
If you prepare for a meeting, you won't be stressed but confident, full of assurance, because you've done your work. The clearer you are about your goals and the more you plan towards them step by step the more confident you will become. An ancient scripture says. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."
Gaining Perspective
One way to immediately gain confidence is to reclaim lost perspective in things. If people are uncertain or afraid of something new, it's often times a result of them magnifying the event or circumstance in their minds to the point where it's seemingly a "life-or-death situation".
Take, for example, a nervous person going for a job interview or alternatively having to make a speech to their peers at work. They sweat bullets, their stomach tightens, they go weak in the knees, their mind races, etc. Why? All that's about to happen is them speaking to someone else. In fact, public speaking and interviews are the number one fear of adults. More so even than death.
The reason is because they've magnified the event of them speaking to others as something really, really important where they feel like their life depends on their performance. Nonsense! To immediately regain perspective, here is a specific step by step mental process you can immediately apply to gain confidence.
EXERCISE
This example is for overcoming the fear of public speaking and it's applicable for any fear. When you apply this technique, your life will instantly change for the better.
1. Close your eyes and picture a mental movie screen
2. Now, picture yourself giving a speech to your peers at work on this movie screen
3. Take the image of yourself and make yourself HUGE, like as big as King Kong
4. Take the image of the people watching your speech and shrink them down to a very small size, like the size of ants (Imagine ant-sized people sitting in chairs watching a King Kong-sized you giving your speech)
5. Now, step into this movie and see through the eyes of the HUGE you, hear yourself Speak Confidently, and FEEL the Confidence now as you deliver a speech to ant-sized humans;
Notice how confident you are!
This technique works because it changes your perspective. Many people, in order to feel afraid, do the opposite. They make themselves ant-sized and make their listeners King Kong-sized. If you don't believe me and want to torture yourself, try it out. It can make anyone feel anxious.
Practice this technique whenever you need more confidence. Pretty soon you'll have it down as a habit. And when you do, you'll look back at this article and smile with the knowledge it made a difference to you.
Now we have looked at some ways to address the mental and emotional aspects to build your confidence, let's have a look at the physical ways you can address this.
Change your Posture
How we hold ourselves has a remarkable impact on how we feel and how others perceive us. When we stand hunched over with a stooped posture we look deflated with little life and vitality.
This pose also cuts down our ability to take in fresh air to stimulate our circulation and oxygen to our body and brain which limits our aliveness and thus our attractiveness.
Simply by changing your posture and taking regular deep breaths you can quite literally come alive, feeling more grounded, lighter and more secure and comfortable in your own body and thus more confident.
EXERCISE
1. Stop what you are doing right now. Put your hand on your stomach and take a deep breath down to your stomach and hold it for 3 seconds, then release, do this 3 times.
2. Now pull your body up straight as if you have a piece of string attached to the top of your head pulling you up and straightening you right up. Pull your head up, your shoulders back, tuck your pelvis in, pull your stomach in and up, gently bend your knees (if standing) and feel your feet on the floor supporting your body easily.
3. Take another breath in and feel the confidence flowing into your body with each new breath as you awaken parts of you and become more alive.
This may feel a bit odd and uncomfortable to start with but with daily practice this will not only increase your confidence but your body's health as well.
Regular exercise is also a great way to boost your energy levels and self confidence and once you start to do the exercises above you will really feel like looking after yourself more and more as you value the precious person that you are.
"The greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions, and not on our circumstances. We carry the seeds of the one or the other about with us in our minds wherever we go." - Martha Washington
I hope this article has helped you in some way. Again, the gap between knowing and doing is huge so try these techniques out immediately and see the difference they can make.
Anyone can improve his or her confidence and become more attractive. And contrary to what most people believe, it has little to do with the external parts of our lives, such as looks, relationships, career choices, success or anything else. The journey to build your confidence starts from the inside out.
The No.1 trait of Successful people
They don't blame anyone or anything. They take charge of their life, do whatever it takes and they are 100% responsible for what happens to them.
If you would like assistance to gain more Confidence and become more Attractive please contact Suzanne Masefield on (09) 419 2462 or visit my website www.synergyeffectcoaching.com to see how I can help you become all you can be, and get the best out of your life.
