Cleese in long line of celebrity nitpickers

John Cleese

No one likes to hear unkind comments about their home town but, like it or not, all places in New Zealand are created equal.

What appeals to one person is guaranteed to be hated by others - especially those impossible-to-please nitpick ing celebrities.

British comedian John Cleese is the latest in a long line of overseas visitors whose impressions of New Zealand's towns were less than favourable.

Cleese, who performed in Palmerston North last November, called the city "the suicide capital of New Zealand" and said, "If you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick."

As well, the "weather was grotty, the theatre [where he performed] was a nasty shape and the audience was very strange to play to".

However, Cleese saved some favourable words for a handful of provincial towns, including Invercargill which he described as "delightful". Yes, really.

The word "delightful" attached to Invercargill would have had Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones rolling in the aisle.

After a world tour that included Invercargill, Mick Jagger called it "the arsehole of the world".

Last year, during the Britain and Irish Lions' tour, former England rugby hooker Brian Moore reckoned Invercargill hadn't changed much in 40 years. He compared it to the nuclear disaster site Chernobyl.

In a documentary, Moore said visiting places like Invercargill was one of the low points when he toured New Zealand with the Lions in 1993.

"One of the difficulties is you go on a Lions tour, you've got 13 weeks in a foreign country - a beautiful country, I witnessed Lord of the Rings - and you don't get to see any of it," Moore said. "You see a lot of airports, you see Invercargill, which is, I think, twins with Chernobyl, or should be, or Bhopal or wherever really.

"You know, you go down there and they say to you, 'Do you like oysters, mate?', and I say, 'I don't like oysters', and that's the end of the conversation really."

The city of Hamilton has also been labelled less than enchanting by an Australian Super 14 rugby team.

Queensland Reds skipper Chris Latham suggested in aftermatch comments that New Zealand's fourth largest city was not the vibrant, energising centre that professional rugby players of his calibre needed to bring out the best in the players.

"We had three high-intensity games at home and this was our first game away in what would not be the world's most exciting town," Latham was quoted as saying.

"If we were in sunny Brisbane, there's a lot of things to do and a lot of places to go and get out and get motivated and get moving."

Rocker Courtney Love, who spent several of her teenage years living in Nelson on a farming co-operative, was reportedly unmoved by what the favoured summer holiday spot had to offer.

A memoir by Love's mother claimed Courtney had no love affair with the city and was in no hurry to return to her childhood roots.

Charles Darwin may have been the first person of note to make an unfavourable comment about the entire country when he said in 1860: "I believe we were all glad to leave New Zealand. It is not a pleasant place."

- NZPA