Christmas hasn’t been the same for Steph Beattie since her mum passed away. Photo / George Heard
Christmas hasn’t been the same for Steph Beattie since her mum passed away. Photo / George Heard
Christmas hasn’t been the same for Christchurch resident Steph Beattie since her mother, Nicki Beattie, died.
After a lengthy battle with triple-negative breast cancer, Nicki died surrounded by her family in August 2021.
Since then, Steph’s Christmas, which was normally filled with bubbles, dancing, and music, has been clouded by the grief of losing her mother.
“People think that Christmas is a really happy time for everyone, and it can be, but it’s also a super sensitive time for those who have lost loved ones,” she said.
Steph was 21 when her mother died, and at the time, New Zealand was in lockdown due to the Covid-19 Delta outbreak.
Steph Beattie was 21 when her mum Nicki Beattie died. Photo / Supplied
“It was a hard journey and not something that I ever thought I would go through, and lockdown was mingled in with all that, which made it difficult because we couldn’t see anyone.”
Last Christmas Eve, Steph was talking to friends and family about how she was struggling with not having her mother around during the holiday season.
She told friends she wanted to find someone who could “support” her through the hard transition.
That is when Steph was introduced to the founder of the Christmas Connection initiative, Sarah Robb.
Grief coach Sarah Robb is very familiar with the grief that the holiday season can bring for those who have lost loved ones.
Life coach Sarah Robb is very familiar with the grief that the holiday season can bring for those who have lost loved ones. Photo / Supplied
When Robb was 20, her father died in a sudden accident. Six years later, her mother died from a brain aneurysm.
That’s what sparked Robb’s idea to create the Christmas Connection, an initiative that helps people remember their deceased loved ones around the holiday season.
“I was having this thought with my friend one day, and I used to write to my mum quite a lot when I was missing her at Christmas, and she said to me, why don’t we create an initiative that can help other people as well?” Robb said.
The Christmas Connection offers people the chance to write messages to their passed loved ones on a wooden Christmas decoration, which is then placed on a wooden tree and displayed throughout December.
The Christmas Connection offers people the chance to write messages to their passed loved ones on a wooden Christmas decoration. Photo / Supplied
“The reason that it’s on a piece of wood is that in the days leading up to Christmas, I burn all the messages on the wood,” Robb said.
“And that’s because my kind of philosophy is that nothing can be destroyed, it can only be transformed into something else.”
Sarah Robb's philosophy is that nothing can be destroyed, it can only be transformed into something else. Photo / Supplied
This Christmas is the first year Steph Beattie is taking part in the Christmas Connection.
For Steph, it’s a chance to remember her mum but also to help manage the grief the holiday season brings.
“There’s a lot to be gained from reflection and honouring those who have gone and connecting with other people that have been through the same experience,” she said.
“It makes you feel less alone and less isolated.”
This Christmas is the first year that Steph Beattie is taking part in the Christmas Connection. Photo / George Heard
Steph’s mother, Nikki, a doctor of 30 years, started writing a book upon her cancer diagnosis, titled Just What The Doctor Didn’t Order.
Steph has vowed to complete the book as part of her Christmas Connection tribute to her mother.
“Mum, I miss everything. It’s all the little things and the big stuff too. I know you’re proud of me. I’m going to finish your book. Love and miss you.”
