Two years ago Christchurch woman Stephanie McLean was working at Champion flour mills repairing a large silo when she fell from a ladder and suffered a spinal cord injury. Photo / Martin Hunter
Two years ago Stephanie McLean awoke to find herself at the back of a flour mill sprawled on the ground, pain radiating across her body after a horror fall.
She was alone and falling in and out of consciousness after tumbling from a ladder that had slipped as she repaired a grain conveyor leak at the Champion mill in Christchurch.
It would prove life-changing for the maintenance worker and parent-of-four, who was last month awarded $100,000 after WorkSafe prosecuted the company for its safety failings in the 2018 accident. The mill was also fined $310,000.
Now confined to a wheelchair, McLean, 49, is rebuilding her life after the devastating spinal cord injury robbed her from using her legs again.
The loss has proved costly for the Belfast woman, who now faces the daunting prospect of finding a new career at the same time as learning to live with limited mobility.
McLean can still remember the events leading up to the fateful plunge. But after she suffered severe injuries - including smashing all her ribs, a cracked skull and brain bleed - much of the following week is a blur as she drifted in and out of consciousness.
"I was up on a platform to get to the pipe leak which was about 4m in the air. As I pulled the piece out to take down and get repaired I went to climb down the ladder. The ladder slipped out from underneath me and I fell to the ground."
Despite wearing a harness, there were no anchor points to attach to. Normally two people did the task with one holding the ladder, but McLean said her colleague didn't come to work that day and with a grain shipment due there was pressure to fix the leak.
"I don't remember the fall. I woke up on the ground and I couldn't move my legs," said McLean.
"I managed to get my phone out of my pocket and ring my boss and told him 'come quick, I'm in trouble'."
She has no idea how long she was on the mill's floor before she raised the alarm.
"I can remember lying there when I came to but most of it's a blur," recalled McLean. "I couldn't move my legs and I knew then I was paralysed."
The badly injured worker was rushed to Christchurch Hospital for surgery.
"They did X-rays, checked my brain to see if it had been damaged and operated on my spinal column straight away, putting titanium rods in to stabilise it."
After a week in hospital she was transferred to the Burwood Spinal Unit where medical staff confirmed her fears.
"The first thing they do is tell you that you'll never walk again.
"It really devastates you.
"You hope for the best but when you hear it from the doctor it's the worst thing in the world."
She said the past two years have been incredibly trying as she came to terms with never being able to use her legs again.
"I have to rebuild my entire life at the age of 49. My life has been destroyed. I can't do my job ever again that I've done for 30 odd years so I now have to recover from my injury, relearn how to do everything again, and take on a new career."
She said there had been very dark episodes, including bouts of depression, anxiety and excruciating pain.
"Depression sets in rather quickly and hard. It's the five stages of grief. There is a lot of grieving. It's like losing a loved one. You lost who you were.
"When I was in hospital I used to ring up my children and say good night to them and in the back of my mind I was hoping I would fall asleep and not wake up again. Basically I was saying goodnight to say goodbye because I didn't really want to live any more when I was in hospital. That's how bad it is psychologically.
She added it had taken a toll on her family, with her children seeing a side of her she went to great lengths to conceal.
"You try and protect them from it as best you can and hide it but it comes out when you get overwhelmed.
"I remember when I first came home I was screaming in pain at night because of nerve pain.
"I had my son living with me and he had to move out because he couldn't handle the dark sides of it."
Dreams of walking
She said anger at her situation had been replaced with frustration at her inability to reverse the damage.
"Every time you dream you're always walking, you're never in a wheelchair and you're constantly thinking of that day of the accident and trying to take it back and change it.
"The frustrating thing is you can't fix it yourself. You've just got to live with it. And that's the hardest thing to do and I still haven't managed to do that yet."
Incredibly she did not resent her former employer despite the enormous personal toll.
"I definitely don't have any ill will towards Champion Flour. I know it was a lapse and they've sorted that out straight away now and they were always very supportive of me."
With increased mobility, including learning how to drive and navigate her wheelchair, life was improving.
She had now started to look towards the future, contemplating a career in design engineering.
"So it's a very long journey ahead of me but it does get better as you get on through the years.