It has been 25 years since 2-year-old Amber-Lee Cruickshank disappeared from Kingston on the shore of Lake Wakatipu. Initially she was presumed drown but quickly police and her mother Nicola suspected something far more sinister happened to the little blonde girl. Video / Mike Scott
South Island toddler Amber-Lee Cruickshank disappeared 25 years ago from a small town on the shore of Lake Wakatipu.
Despite exhaustive and repeated searches, there has never been any sign of the little girl.
The Herald senior crime and justice reporter Anna Leask investigated the famous cold case in a bid to generate some answers for the toddler's family.
In October, to mark the 25th anniversary of Amber-Lee, the Herald released Chasing Ghosts, a six-part podcast series, news feature and mini-documentary about the case - one of the most well known mysteries in New Zealand history.
Somewhere out there is a person with a terrible secret.
Someone who has likely killed a little girl, buried her body and hidden the terrible act for 25 years.
Amber-Lee Cruickshank, an innocent 2-and-a-half-year-old, vanished one spring Saturday night in Kingston, a hamlet at the southern tip of Lake Wakatipu.
Police are almost certain she was taken.
But who is responsible?
Will they ever come forward?
And what will it mean to Amber-Lee's family to bring her home, to get the answers they have been seeking for so long?
Losing her has destroyed the lives of her mother and stepfather, deeply affected her three brothers - two who never got to know her - and cast a dark shadow on those who have had the finger of blame pointed at them.
And it's weighed heavily on the minds of those tasked with finding the answers.
Amber-Lee's mother first spoke about that at Kingston where we spent two days revisiting the place the child was last seen, picking through every moment of her last hours.
NICOLA CRUICKSHANK: I really thought that maybe I'd get her back one day, that possibly someone was looking after her, you know, that they'd taken her, given her a life... but I've lost that hope now, and all I can hope for is to find out where she is.
Nicola's three sons also wonder about their sister often. All become emotional when they talk about her.
Harley was five when Amber-Lee went missing and what upsets him most is that he can barely remember her.
Now in his 30s and with children of his own, he feels angry that he was robbed of a sibling and that his young life was turned upside down because of it.
Harley's birthday is on October 14 - just three days before his sister went missing.
It's just another sad reminder of another year Amber-Lee has not been there.
ANNA LEASK: What impact has her going missing had on your family?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: It's been massive with news, having to move, the year-to-year memorials and birthdays are always hard.
All these stories that come up every now and then... it just randomly pops up and you don't hear it first hand, you hear it from radio or things like that.
It's definitely been hard.
ANNA LEASK: How often do you think about Amber-Lee and what happened to her?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: All the time, it's something that will never go away...
ANNA LEASK: Is it a sadness, is it anger? What are your feelings these days?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: All of the above -frustration we've never been able to say our actual goodbyes, put her to rest.
It's just empty. It's like, did it happen? We've just never had any answers.
ANNA LEASK: You're the oldest of all the kids, what's it been like seeing the impact this has had on your mum and other members of your family over the years?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: It's been very rough at times… very rough.
Every year you're quite down, seeing mum torn all the time, that can be quite hard too.
ANNA LEASK: So someone out there knows what has happened to Amber-Lee and has kept it a secret for 25 years. What do you think of that?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: It's sickening. She was the innocent victim in this and how someone can do that to such a young girl, it's horrible.
ANNA LEASK: And what would your message be to the person that's taken Amber-Lee or someone who might know and has kept it quiet for all of these years?
What would you like to say to them?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: That's not even the issue for me, now, after 25 years, it's just wanting to put her to rest, say goodbye…
ANNA LEASK: What would it mean to you to bring Amber-Lee home finally?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: I think it would lift the world off your shoulders, you know?
Feel like you've got that piece of the family back... it would probably change a lot of things.
ANNA LEASK: And has it always felt like there's been someone missing - a piece of your family, you've felt broken?
HARLEY CRUICKSHANK: Oh yeah, it's constant reminders, it's not something you forget. You always have that wonder of um, how she would have been like...
Amber-Lee as a baby. New Zealand Herald photograph by Mike Scott
Danny Cruickshank was just 7-months old when Amber-Lee vanished.
Watching mum go through what she has to go through every year, every time we get interviewed or stuff goes on TV - it does suck, it impacts on your life hard out.
It's hard. All these unsolved questions, unanswered questions - what happened to her, where did she go?
Is she alive? Is she dead?
You have to relive it, every birthday... and just watching the pain you see your loved ones go through as well.
DANNY CRUICKSHANK: It would mean... it would be life changing, just to have the closure for the family, for us, for everyone... just need to bring her home.
ANNA LEASK: Did you ever think it would be 25 years with no answers and no Amber-Lee?
DANNY CRUICKSHANK: No, I thought something would have come up by now. I remember I woke up to a phone call, I was probably about 18, 19, saying that a helicopter's coming to get us because they'd found bones down in Kingston.
And then I think I ran all the way from South Brighton pretty much nearly all the way to Queenspark and then found out it was a false alarm, it was sheep bones.
It just rips your heart out, like, you lose all hope again, you get given hope and it's just taken away...
Amber-Lee has a serious face - you can tell she wasn't happy about having to sit still for the camera.
Atariki loves that photo, creased and tatty around the edges from years of being pulled out and gazed upon.
ANNA LEASK: Are you angry she's been robbed of everything as well?
KATRINA ATARIKI: Yeah.You think 'oh you're 16, you can get your driver's licence'. The five-year-old birthday - oh everything, the 3rd birthday, 4th birthday, 5th birthday, 6th birthday...
And then I think, if I feel like this.... how the heck does Nicky feel?
It's her daughter, so if I feel this sh*t she must feel even sh*tter.
You know, she would have been frickin freaking out to go through that by herself…
I really hope in my heart that something happens from it, finally, soon, that would be good.
Detective Sergeant John Kean says Amber-Lee's case, dubbed Operation Oliver, is active and every lead is followed up.
He says it's impossible to tell Nicola about every move that's made - mainly because he doesn't want to get her hopes up only to have to let her down again.
That's happened a few times over the years, Nicola getting her hopes up.
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: Well it's frustrating in the fact that really, we would just love to go to Nicky and give her the answers that she deserves.
At that end it's very frustrating. But there must be someone out there that knows, there has to be someone that knows.
ANNA LEASK: Do you think you've spoken to the person that knows?
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: Possibly. But I don't know... I don't know.
ANNA LEASK: Based on all the evidence and information you've had over the years, whether it's been put out to the public or withheld by police, what do personally think has happened to Amber-Lee?
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: I really don't know, but we certainly can't discount the fact that someone who was already at Kingston on the 17th of October 1992 holds the key to the disappearance of Amber-Lee Cruickshank.
ANNA LEASK: Do you think Amber-Lee will ever be found and Nicky will get those answers she's so desperate for?
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: I certainly hope so, desperately so.
It's not something we're ever going to push to one side
ANNA LEASK: Do you believe you have information that could lead to an arrest eventually or does that information still need to come to you from the public?
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: It still needs to come to us from the public.
The public hold the key - someone out there holds the key to this, it's as simple as that.
ANNA LEASK: What would you say to that someone if they're listening to this podcast?
What would you say to the person who's taken Amber-Lee?
DETECTIVE SERGEANT JOHN KEAN: They have to come forward to the police.
I'm not sure how anybody could live with that for 25 years and know what they know.
I think that really what drives police officers is the fact that they just want to pick up the phone and knock on the door and say to the person 'I've got the answers for you.
It mightn't be what you want to hear but I can answer those questions'. And that's what Nicky Cruickshank and her family deserve, so - yes, I do think about it. A lot.
Warwick Walker, the first detective to run Amber-Lee's case, left the police more than 20 years ago.
He now works in finance in Wellington – worlds away from the scene of the alleged crime.
But Amber-Lee, a little girl he never met, is often on his mind.
RETIRED DETECTIVE WARWICK WALKER: It's the only major case from my career unsolved where at least somebody hasn't been held to account.
There's nobody even been put in front of a court about it.
So yeah, that bugs me, keeps me thinking about it.
ANNA LEASK: Did you ever think that you'd get to 25 years (cut) and not have answers?
RETIRED DETECTIVE WARWICK WALKER: No… the most baffling case that I worked on in my 20-plus years in the police.
I worked on some strange and weird things but nothing which is so unresolved. In spite of the isolation, in spite of there not being lots and lots of people around, how a 2-and-a-half-year-old girl can go missing in daylight is just baffling.
ANNA LEASK: Does it frustrate you knowing that there is one, maybe more people out there who know exactly what's happened to Amber-Lee, where she is, and they've put Nicky through that for quarter of a century?
RETIRED DETECTIVE WARWICK WALKER: It's not about my frustration, it's a sadness for Nicky and James. Where's her little girl?
ANNA LEASK: What could make that person, or someone who knows, come forward after such a long time.
RETIRED DETECTIVE WARWICK WALKER: Based on my experience, people have changing loyalties over the years.
You'll know in your own situation there'll be people in life who you may have been associated with or friendly with in the past who have then done something to p*ss you off and at that stage you may not feel the same about that person, so some things you might know about that person that you wouldn't have necessarily said something about - you might be only too vocal about that now.
That is something which does happen in criminal cases too because people who may have been close and may have known, and then over the years may no longer have those same loyalties or relationship with the people who are involved and now be prepared anonymously or quite openly to give some information that could help I guess firstly solve where Amber-Lee is, if nothing else, where is her body to bring some closure for James and Nicky.
And if it was only that, that would be wonderful.
But I also believe that it somebody's involved, they need to be held to account. Why shouldn't they be held to account for taking the life of a young child?
As a parent I guess I'm just imagining what that would be like for me.
It would be some closure to be able to go and at least bury your child.
Nicola Cruickshank near where Amber-Lee as last seen in 1992. New Zealand Herald photograph by Mike Scott
Nicola has kept every clipping, article, letter, card and photograph relating to Amber-Lee in a briefcase.
Cards sent when she was born, others when she went missing and faded photographs - Amber-Lee's first baby photo, on her beloved trike, with Harley and her cake on her first birthday.
And the last photo ever taken of Amber-Lee - two days before she vanished, with her brothers and mum on the front porch of a mate's place.
Apart from memories it's the last image Nicola will ever have of her girl, the last family photo before they were torn apart forever.
It was the first time she'd been in it for a decade - and the first time Harley had ever looked at the contents.
Harley desperately wants to remember Amber-Lee.
He's finally ready to face the facts of her disappearance, something he blocked out for years as he focused his worries on his mother and younger brothers.
He had to grow up quickly, and that's something Nicola is only just starting to hear about.
She hates that someone out there could be responsible for all of this - all of this haunting and heartache.
Every time I've interviewed Nicola there have been tears.
This process has been really hard on her and there have been times I have felt truly awful, like I'm interrogating her, intruding on her life.
I worry about her - she has done so well in the last few years to create a stable life for her and her family and I don't want anything to push her backwards.
I told her this and her reply was simple - "this has to be done".
She wants answers and she will go over and over that day in 1992 until her last breathe in the hope that it will help her find out what happened.
NICOLA CRUICKSHANK: I'm putting myself back out there again, back in the limelight and I can only just imagine what's going to come out and what people are going to say over this.
Unfortunately there's people out there that are like that, they've got no qualms in taking someone's life, you know, they don't have conscious or maybe they do have a conscious and maybe they can live with it. I don't know, I know I can't.
I have suffered enough, my family has suffered enough, my friends have suffered enough.
If you wanted to get a message across you got it across loud and clear - we're still paying the price.
But please, let her come home, just tell us where she is - I don't care if it's anonymous.
I don't want any so-called maps leading to her body, I want evidence, pure evidence this is where she is, this is where you'll find her, take her home, give her the burial that she deserves, the send-off that she deserves.
Put an end to this, give me and my family and friends some closure you know?
This nightmare has gone on long enough - 25 years, it has gone on long enough.
I would hate to think in another 25 years when I'm 75 sitting in my rocking chair, that I'm still wondering to that day, what went wrong or where she is.
I mean, I just want an end to this.
I don't want to have to live this over and over and over again, which I do, simply because I want some answers, I want her to come home, I want to put it to rest you know?
I want a place to be able to go and visit and know that's where my baby lies - not come to Kingston, visit her memorial, a plaque and a tree that we planted in her memory, because all it brings back is that fateful day when she was taken.
The karma will get him in the end whether it be some deadly disease or someone knocks him over or whatever - karma will bite him in the a** in the end.
But in the meantime bring my girl home.
Bring her home, put it to rest, give us some peace, that's all.
That's all I ask for.
If you are listening to this podcast and you know what happened to Amber-Lee - if you hurt her by accident, if you took her, if you know who did - please come forward.
At the very least let police know anonymously where her body can be found.
You may have information you don't think is important or relevant to the investigation, but it could be the key to finding Amber-Lee - maybe even bringing her killer to justice.
If she was your daughter, sister, niece – wouldn't you want that?
