Crunch data for grown-up budgeting skills - Wyn Drabble

Yesteryear's movie-going budgeting may still apply today, writes Wyn Drabble. Photo / NZME

Wyn Drabble is a teacher of English, writer, public speaker and musician. He is based in Hawke’s Bay.

OPINION

In these times of high prices, we all need to learn some budgeting skills.

I’m certainly not claiming to be an expert but something I say just might tick one of your boxes and help you with your finances.

So what experience do I have? Well, I first learned about budgeting when I was a kid old enough to be allowed to go to the pictures on a Saturday afternoon. I was given two shillings.

Here are some important factors I took into account:

Cost of movie - ninepence for front seats, a shilling for back seats, one and threepence for the dress circle.

Cost of bus - threepence each way.

Cost of Jaffas - one and threepence.

Cost of a Joy Bar (a long stick of chocolate-coated icecream, sometimes flavoured with boysenberry) - ninepence.

Cost of a red all-day sucker - threepence.

If you crunch the data, you will see there are many and varied possibilities:

1. You could walk each way instead of taking the bus and, if you sat in the ninepennies, you could afford Jaffas. Bear in mind, however, that you really needed to sit in the back seats to get the necessary floor slope for the Jaffas. In some cinemas, the front floor even started to slope back up again. You could always buy a ninepenny seat but then sneak back once the lights had gone out for the first-half shorts.

2. You could walk both ways, sit upstairs and still have ninepence left for a Joy Bar.

3. You could save your legs by getting the bus both ways, sit in the posh dress circle and still have enough left for a red sucker.

4. You could bus there but walk home, sit in the back seats and have a Joy Bar at half-time.

5. You could pretend you went to the movie but actually go to the park and play with some friends. The two shillings could then go towards a bigger project – perhaps a new cap gun – at a later date.

Of course there were other possible ways to invest the two shillings but I’m sure these five give you enough idea. I used a variety of them so I clearly enjoyed a rich and varied childhood.

Let’s now transfer all of this learning to the modern day and adulthood. The factors to consider now are your healthcare, mortgage, house maintenance, motor vehicle, insurance, rates, food, electricity, phone, clothes (if you choose to wear them) and entertainment (if you choose to have some). Also a smattering of miscellaneous.

When you crunch the data, you’ll find it works out in much the same way as the earlier example. Except for a few grown-up surprises.

Mortgage rates might suddenly go up. Rates will certainly go up and by a large margin. Insurance will suddenly double. Your car could break down and the cost of repair will be beyond you – your insurers will decline your claim on the grounds that your policy doesn’t cover “that sort of thing”.

The hot water cylinder might explode and you will need a new one as well as a plumber to fit it. There will also be explosion debris to deal with. Feeding and clothing your family may become luxury considerations.

Suddenly the budget you so carefully worked out is all in disarray. It is untenable. I’m afraid I can think of no way of guiding you out of the quagmire.

The only advice I can offer is to splash out on a red sucker – they won’t be threepence any more – and consume it while you walk home.

And I’m afraid you’ll need to forego the movie.