Brunei spares no expense to host top show

By JOHN ARMSTRONG political editor

BRUNEI - The old joke about Apec needs to be rewritten.

No longer should it stand for "Ageing Politicians Enjoying Cocktails;" in strictly Muslim Brunei, "Alcohol-deprived Politicians Enduring Coca-Cola" would be more apt.

But the country's ban on booze and the force-feeding of soft drinks and fruit juice at official functions and dinners ranks as the only deprivation being suffered by world leaders gathered in the tiny sultanate on the island of Borneo.

Unless, that is, you count the sleep-interrupting 4.30 am call to prayer booming from loudspeakers at the local mosque.

Still, there is plenty of time to kip, as Brunei proudly claims the "Most boring nightlife in the world" title.

If this year's Apec is a failure - and that is the way the summit has been shaping all week on the big-ticket issue of cutting barriers to free trade - no one can blame the polite and patient hosts.

As befits a man who houses his scores of polo ponies in air-conditioned stables at Jerudong Polo Club, the Sultan of Brunei has spared no expense to ensure the week-long Apec circus at least functions in the logistical sense.

But while it is nice to have somebody opening every door for you as you rush between frank and meaningless meetings and countless press briefings, you do ponder why it needs five people to do the job.

The Sultan, now in second place in the seriously rich stakes behind software whizz Bill Gates, appears to have dragooned many of his 300,000 subjects - plus a tide of foreign workers - into helping him run Apec.

For example, the cooks working in the kitchen of Helen Clark's guest-house are caterers imported from Thailand by the Hyatt Hotel.

"Guesthouse" is a modest description of a millionaire's mansion - one of 20 or so in the tightly-guarded leaders' compound, which come with servants, swimming and spa pools, gold-flecked carpets and wide-screen televisions.

Bill Clinton, of course, gets the biggest one. They were constructed in 1992 for VIPs invited to the Sultan's 25th jubilee.

Since then, cleaners have come in every day to dust the chandeliers and buff the fine wooden furniture - but the houses had stood empty until this week.

On a lesser scale of extravagance, much the same under-use applies to the Ong Sum Ping apartments, a nearby complex of 11-storey blocks designed in tasteful Muslim-modern and housing the hordes of officials and media representatives who have flown in for the summit and who cannot be fitted into the country's few hotels.

These apartments, too, have stood vacant since serving as athletes' accommodation for the Asian Games in the late 1990s.

Never mind. Brunei has confounded the sceptics and is coping with one of the planet's biggest roadshows. Then again, as one foreign diplomat confided, you can fix most things with money.

Herald Online feature: Apec