KEY POINTS:
Actually, I wanted to be in New Caledonia. In early August, I am always emerging, blinking like a mole, into the light after the film festival. This year it seemed darker outside the cinema than in it. Somewhere warm and sunny appealed. But the Blonde, who has a Very Important Job and is always Terribly Busy, said she could not afford the time, so I had to settle for somewhere warm: the Polynesian Spa in Rotorua.
I suppose the water wouldn't have been quite as warm in New Caledonia, but then I wouldn't have wanted it to be. And I fancy the dining would have been better. The French civil servants dispatched to administer the territory traditionally regarded it as a form of exile and so there were always plenty of good restaurants, patisseries and cafes to remind them of home. In Rotorua, the options are more limited.
I had Googled "best restaurant in Rotorua" and got no results at all which was a bit of a worry. But adjustment to the punctuation yielded Peppers on the Point - a bit too fancy for us in our beanies and parkas - and this evocatively named place in Eruera St.
It has been adjudged the Sulphur City's best since the turn of the century by Michael Guy's Eating Out Guide. Since the Google search suggested there wasn't a lot of competition, this may not be the distinction it first appears. Certainly I was soon reflecting that I would rather have been in Noumea.
It's not that this is a bad restaurant. It's actually quite good at times but it's nowhere near as good as it thinks it is.
Check those prices: $31 for a creamed leek and herb risotto? Peter Gordon does a goat's cheese risotto with beetroot borscht and cumin-spiced pomegranate for a dollar more - and Dine this ain't.
The Rotorua risotto arrived with two roasted mushrooms on the side. The Blonde remarked that the mushrooms looked like a steak, which they didn't really but I think she was just trying to say something encouraging because I had ordered a vegetarian main course for the first time in recorded history and she was worried I might suddenly realise and die of fright.
The risotto was perfectly nice, though not as sloppy as I like it. The accompanying smoked artichokes had the strong vinegary taste of something that has come down off a supermarket shelf.
I'm not saying that they were store-bought, but when you're dining in a restaurant whose chef uses packeted rather than fresh mozzarella - "Chef says, yes, it does have a yellowish tinge," the waitress reported, so we passed - you can't be too careful.
For the record, a "confit" of shoulder of lamb - the meat was shredded, crumbed and deep-fried - made a fine entrée and the Blonde's duck was moist and tender. But the tomato tortellini that accompanied her scallops tasted of tomato and not much else and a hurriedly microwaved rice pudding was cold in some parts and scalding in others.
They're friendly at 1284: every time I said anything our waitress said "fabulous" and people never say that to me in Auckland. Nobody even snarled at me for inadvertently having parked in a disabled space when we arrived in blinding rain. Which was good because I felt bad enough about it already.
Bistro 1284
1284 Eruera St
Rotorua
Ph: 07 346 1284
www.bistro1284.co.nz
Wine list: Barely adequate. Scant choice by the glass.
Vegetarians: One entrée, one main.
Watch out for: The mozzarella.
Sound check: Conversation-friendly.
Bottom line: Fair dining at fine-dining prices.
- Detours, HoS
