Claire Trevett's look at the week that brought bad news for Fonterra, word soup from Winston Peters, and a diet of socks for the PM at the Pacific Islands Forum.
Monday: Keeping up with the Joneses – or was that the Jacksons?
Employment Minister Willie Jackson and Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern at a press conference. Photo / Mark Mitchell
Employment Minister Willie Jackson had his debut alongsidePrime Minister Jacinda Ardern for the release of the new employment strategy.
One was his description of Fonterra executives as "corporate eunuchs totally incapable of any economic procreation".
He was at least honest enough to admit he was outspoken partly because he believed his popularity increased every time he had a dig.
Wednesday: Old rooster says cockadoodledoo
Not for the first time, Press Gallery journalists spent much time trying to analyse NZ First leader Winston Peters' latest serving of word soup.
Responding to the announcement Paula Bennett would be the National Party's campaign chair, Peters issued a statement saying it was "amateur hour".
NZ First leader Winston Peters lists the ingredients for word soup. Photo / Mark Mitchell
The most puzzling sentence was Peters linking it to Vernon Tava's attempts to set up a green Sustainable NZ Party.
"This decision is so that the National Party can axe [Bennett] prior to coalition negotiations in 2020, after they've realised that Vernon Tava and his planned Sustainability [sic] New Zealand Party is a headless chook, albeit being fed organics," he wrote.
This raised many questions, not the least of which was who exactly National would be in coalition negotiations with when this happened.
Was Peters saying it would be NZ First, or the Sustainable NZ Party?
Was he also saying NZ First would only go into such negotiations if Paula Bennett scarpered? What did it mean?
Then again, perhaps the chicken reference meant it was all simply umbrage at Bridges' comment earlier in the day that the last election results were due to "one old rooster holding the country to ransom".
Thursday and Friday: Keeping up with the Joneses II: the Pacific Islands Forum
By week's end a different Jones had taken over all the attention: Alan Jones, the Australian broadcaster.
Jones had offered sartorial advice to Australia's PM Scott Morrison, suggesting he shove his sock down Ardern's throat.
This was a less than practical suggestion, given Morrison was clad in sandals in Tuvalu.
This followed Australian media reports that Ardern was lecturing Morrison on climate change, after some Pacific leaders – including Fiji's PM Frank Bainimarama - called for Morrison to halt coal mining.
The Australian media deduced this from Ardern's relatively innocuous statement that Australia's domestic policy was not for her to comment on, that every country had to do its bit, and "Australia will have to answer to the Pacific".
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Australian PM Scott Morrison at the Pacific Island Forum in Tuvalu. Photo / Jason Walls
The last phrase was enough for media to interpret it as a jab at Australia – but the entire statement was also oblique enough for Ardern to say her words were misinterpreted.
Ardern did not bother with Jones' suggestion, saying she was not going to give it the light of day. "I'm just going to leave it where it is."
Despite this, three men clearly deemed she was a damsel in distress and needed help defending herself.
The first was the ever-helpful Foreign Minister Winston Peters, who decided to set the record straight on the ABC by going into bat for Australia.
Alas, in doing so he accused the other Pacific leaders of hypocrisy by saying despite their protestations about Australian coal, they were more than happy to take aid and loans "on the backs of coal-fired everything in mainland China".
All of this simply made the record even more wobbly.
The second to leap to Ardern's defence was Fiji's Frank Bainimarama.
It was Bainimarama's first time at the Forum since 2008. He had had a testy relationship with New Zealand's past Prime Ministers Helen Clark and John Key, and been resentful of New Zealand and Australia's influence in the Pacific Islands Forum.
Things are a lot different with Ardern – perhaps because he sensed a schism between NZ and Australia.
When combatting climate change, it’s good to have an ally like New Zealand in your corner. Together, we can save Tuvalu, the Pacific, and the world. Vinaka vakalevu for the passion you bring to this fight, @jacindaardern. 🇫🇯 🇳🇿 pic.twitter.com/sgYclMvqoX
Bainimarama tweeted first a photo of them together, saying "When combatting climate change, it's good to have an ally like New Zealand in your corner … Vinaka vakalevu for the passion you bring to this fight, @JacindaArdern.
After Alan Jones' blurt, he followed it up with another tweet: "Easy to tell someone to shove a sock down a throat when you're sitting in the comfort of a studio."
He did not tweet at all about Morrison – but did retweet former Australian PM Malcolm Turnbull's tweet in defence of Ardern.
In the meantime, Jones too put up the Ardern Defence of saying he was "willfully misinterpreted."
He had not meant Morrison should literally shove a sock down Ardern's throat but rather put a sock in it.
The officials' abacuses are still at work on the complex algorithm of working out which of the now multiple countries involved now was most offended – New Zealand, Australia, various Pacific Island countries or China.
