Claire Trevett looks at the week in which Newshub's Mark Richardson and Winston Peters deliver an anatomy lesson by insult, Labour's Stuart Nash has a car-tastrophe, and Shane Jones' staff bring him down a peg or two.
Monday: Heads, shoulders, knees and toes
The exchanges between NZ Firstleader Winston Peters and Newshub's Mark Richardson delivered an anatomy lesson via insult.
Further anatomical references emerged in yet another dispute – this time the one between Justice Minister Andrew Little and National leader Simon Bridges over an anti-terrorism law.
Justice Minister Andrew Little. Photo / Mark Mitchell
Little said he felt "dicked around" by National after National said it would support the bill at first reading, but later withdrew that support unless Little made the changes it wanted.
It may or may not be a coincidence that that coincided with the resurrection of Bridges' earlier pledge to run down Dominion Rd in his undies.
Bridges had threatened to do that if construction on light rail to the airport began before the 2020 election.
Bridges said this week he would now feel safe in extending that pledge out to 2028.
Things got even more horrifying the next day when Bridges also invited Peters to join him in the undies sprint.
Peters replied: "This Government is going to do its utmost to avoid the obscenity of someone, namely the Leader of the Opposition, running down Dominion Road in his underpants.
"If there was a race between him and me, I'd give him a 30-metre start."
Peters appeared to have forgotten his recent stay in hospital for surgery that related to his leg, and that Bridges runs regularly.
Wednesday: Scrap the Referendum, just ask Winston.
The End of Life Choice Bill was back at Parliament, the big question being whether or not MPs would vote for a referendum on it.
Such are the machinations that many MPs who did not want a referendum ended up voting for one because of concern that without it, the bill would not be passed.
Soothsayer and Deputy Prime Minister Winston Peters. Photo / Mark Mitchell
That was because it was NZ First's policy to let such matters be decided by referendum rather than MPs, and without one its MPs would not support the bill.
As a result, the referendum will be added to the election day choices voters now face in 2020, in addition to a referendum on legalising recreational use of cannabis – and possibly on abortion.
It seems unusual that NZ First's policy is for referenda on such issues given it has the Peters Poll at its disposal.
Just the week before, Peters was bragging that he had a tried and true record in picking outcomes the polls did not. Those included the election of US President Donald Trump, the Brexit referendum, and the election of Australia's PM Scott Morrison.
He could save everyone a lot of time and money by simply declaring what way the euthanasia referendum will go and dispense with the need for it at all.
Thursday: Let them be mocked
Former National MP Chris Finlayson returned to Parliament to give a submission in favour of loosening the rules for using Parliamentary television footage for other purposes, such as ads.
Former National MP Chris Finlayson, awake. Photo / Mark Mitchell
As part of his case, Finlayson referred to a video some years ago which featured Finlayson in a somnolent state in Parliament, set to the tune of 'Wake Up Little Susie."
Finlayson admitted he was peeved at the time but that was tough luck.
"Frankly, laughing at people who hold privileged positions is, in my opinion, a good thing."
Beehive Diaries applauds such a sentiment.
But it also notes that was not the only time Finlayson was caught asleep on the job.
That was in August 2013. A few months early in May, Finlayson had also been caught napping by Grant Robertson when Parliament was in Urgency after the Budget.
On that occasion, Finlayson had said he was not asleep - he was checking Twitter.
On Thursday, he told the committee that on the August occasion, he had been reading the Washington Post.
Of course in the modern day, excuses aren't needed at all. Winston Peters has designated such incidents as being periods of "deep contemplation".
Friday: Nash RUCs up.
A Beehive Diaries' favourite, Police Minister Stuart Nash was pinged by Hawke's Bay locals, who spotted the registration on his vehicle had expired a couple of months earlier.
Police Minister Stuart Nash. Photo / Jason Oxenham
The vehicle is as subtle as Nash himself, featuring his name on the sides and a personalised number plate.
All understandable oversights for normal people, but not necessarily a good look for the Minister of Police, or any MP.
Then again, the only person he was cheating for not paying the bills was himself: Nash is also the Minister of Revenue.
ODDS and ENDS:
NZ First Shane Jones' staff clearly decided he needed bringing down a peg or two so persuaded him it would be a great lark to read out mean tweets about himself on social media.
He could make it a regular event, given there is no danger of the supply running short.
The mean tweets were flowing again the very next day after Jones said immigrants complaining about the rules for bringing spouses to New Zealand should "catch the next flight home" if they did not like it.
National MP Chris Bishop was a tad surprised to find himself invited by the Green Party to take part in "Springtime yoga with Julie-Anne Genter".
Bishop replied that he was flattered, but would only go if Genter released a letter she had sent to Transport Minister Phil Twyford which Genter has so far refused to release.
The Greens proved up to the trolling, observing in return that Bishop did not need yoga as he was already very flexible - "with the truth".
