Be proud of yourself

New Zealanders shouldn't be afraid of skiting about their achievements, says the author of a new book. VIKKI BLAND reports




"You don't look like a lesbian." At the height of her soccer career, several people said that to women's world cup contender Michele Cox.

"At the time I was married to an All Black [Bernie McCahill] and we were both on national teams and in training for world cups. Yet people would treat [Bernie] with reverence and I'd get the lesbian comments. It was really demoralising," says Cox.

These experiences, together with those of friends and colleagues, made Cox aware that the so-called "tall poppy syndrome" - the dismissal, degradation or derision of individual excellence - was alive and well in New Zealand. She decided to compile a book, Growing Tall Poppies, to feature as many as she could find.

" The tall poppies were inspiring. They all believe New Zealanders need to stop looking at others and focus on themselves," she says.

Cox's book was published this month after 12 months of editing and interviews with 21 New Zealanders, including cricketer Martin Crowe, journalist Susan Wood, Army Major General Jeremiah Mateparae, Olympic Games chef de mission Dave Currie, and theatre manager Simon Prast.

She says it has a lot of good advice for New Zealanders who want to achieve individual excellence and hopes it will counter an excessively egalitarian society.

"The underpinning of the New Zealand society is that we are all equal and one people. So if someone says, 'Hey, I do this really well', people think, 'Who do you think you are?' The problem is we have to look at what we are rewarding."

Cox says tall poppies are united in their ability to work hard but still create, to endure significant obstacles with one eye on excellence and the other on maintaining family relationships and life balance.

"Contrast this with the mothers who pull their kids off the soccer field in the middle of a game because it is raining."

She says New Zealanders are becoming more hedonistic and will play down the excellence of others through jealousy or habit.

"With guys, it seems the lowest thing you can do is attack another guy's sexuality. Martin [Crowe] had to put up with that. Or take Matthew Ridge. You have an amazing athlete with every right to stand tall and be proud. Yet people say he rubs them up the wrong way.

"Only a few people are not affected. A lot of great New Zealanders wouldn't be in this book because they said they didn't want to be seen talking about their achievements. Why is this important? Because we can't learn from them."

Former Gloss actor, Mercury Theatre saviour, and Auckland Festival organiser Simon Prast features in Cox's book, yet perfectly exemplifies the squirming tall poppy.

When interviewed about his contribution, Prast attributed his excellence to work colleagues, parents, audiences, and even his secondary school before reluctantly, admitting he is "good in a crisis. No matter how fantastic a play is, there is always another one coming up. If I am proud of anything, it is crucial assistance from so many other people," says Prast.

And he means it. Eventually though, clues to his personal excellence emerge.

"I can't watch some actors because they are so pleased with themselves for being on stage and I want to say, 'Get the hell out of the way of the material'."

Prast says natural creativity is repressed in many New Zealanders and particularly cultural minorities.

He says kids who challenge and rail in early life have more initiative later. He considers drama an ideal breeding ground for later excellence. " Drama encourages people to be themselves. In a country where sport is idolised it's important for kids to know that to sing, paint, act or do anything creative is highly valuable."

Cox says those who parent, care for the elderly, nurture relationships, fix drains or mow lawns can also be tall poppies.

"Excellence is an internal process. You compete with yourself, not with others. And if we focus on our own excellence, we are less likely to want to take others down a notch."

So how does the average New Zealander excel, survive the tall poppy syndrome, and become an example for younger generations?

Prast believes parenting is crucial in nurturing self-belief in young people.

Dave Currie, chef de mission to the Athens Olympic Games and executive director of the Halberg Trust, says New Zealanders, and particularly the media can be tough, but tall poppies should not expect thanks or acknowledgement. "I do it for myself. I have an extraordinary amount of self doubt, so I am always trying to do better."

Currie says he is good at vision. "I can see a finished product or project, and I put together steps for getting there instinctively. I don't do lists."

He advises potential tall poppies to free themselves from mind clutter. "Anyone can excel. The problem is we have overcivilised ourselves; we don't reflect, we clutter up our lives with busy-ness. If you give yourself a bit of time and space, the vision will come."

Currie is cautious about the benefits of prolonged tertiary education.

"University graduates seem more driven by regurgitation of information than creative thought. They ensure their referencing is right instead of thinking about solutions."

And he says obsessive focus can cause people to miss natural opportunities.

"I always thought it would be great to be involved with Olympic administration, but I didn't make a conscious decision to get here; the opportunities just came my way."

As they did for Cox, who is studying Chinese and Maori, is on the boards of the YMCA and Sport Auckland, and has a day job as senior sponsorship manager with the ASB Bank.

While she would like to do a PhD, compete in triathlons and write more books, Cox says Growing Tall Poppies won't fund that. "I won't make money from this. I just want people to be inspired."



TEN TIPS FROM TALL POPPIES


Failure is a learning experience - Tab Baldwin, Tall Blacks coach

Focus on doing it, not being it - Gaylene Preston, film-maker

Turn the volume down on the negative stuff - Susan Wood, television journalist

Don't be a jack of all trades; be master of one - David Jones, lawyer

There are always other people who have suffered more than you - Sacha Haskell, former soldier and athlete

Take time off to spend with family and stop and smell the roses - Major Gen Jeremiah Mateparae, NZ Army

Afford generosity of spirit to those around you and you will reap the benefit - Trelise Cooper, designer

Always work within your financial limitations - Sir Clifford Skeggs, businessman

Carry the stones to get to the gold - Richard Spark, dairy farmer

More than talent is required to be excellent - Martin Crowe, cricketer

* Extracted from Growing Tall Poppies, Michele Cox, RRP $29.95