Backing off when you take life to the limit

We often take behaviour to extremes in times of stress. The experts just want us to be kind to ourselves, reports KATHERINE HOBY.

Death, a relationship breakup and losing a job are some of the major stresses that people have to confront - sometimes more than one at a time and often more than once in a lifetime.

Many people react to trauma or stress in extreme ways.

Some don't look after themselves. They might drink to excess or socialise until all hours. At the other end of the scale are people who stop eating or withdraw completely.

Psychologist Sara Chatwin says that, as individuals, we react in different ways to stress but there are several common behavioural patterns.

"One of these is that by trying to take the focus off the stress we indulge in other things and often take them to extreme.

"We're trying so hard to forget that we over-eat, over-drink, over-exercise, over-socialise or a combination of these."

These people are "externalisers".

"Internalisers" might keep to themselves and stay indoors.

"Some people go over, over, over and others are under, under, under. We either over-do or under-do, and don't tend to be good to ourselves when we experience stress."

Some people might act completely out of character: a person who is normally social might withdraw, a quiet person might party every night and a normally healthy eater might start eating junk food.

"When people experience trauma it can radically alter them and they might become a person friends and family barely recognise - a super-socialiser or total hermit," Ms Chatwin says.

People should look for ways to keep their routine similar to what it was before the stressful incident.

"Try to keep some aspects of your daily life together, perhaps tailored to give more opportunities for stress relief."

Ms Chatwin has some tips for those experiencing trauma, or those close to them, to help stop the over-do/under-do syndrome.

"Watch for it," she says. Friends and relatives close to people under stress should try to be aware of the possibility that they will hit either end of the scale.

Identifying the problem is the first step. The second step is for the stress victim to talk to somebody objective about the troubles: first, a friend or family member, then perhaps a psychologist or health professional.

Friends should be there and offer support in small ways without forcing themselves on an individual.

"They may need a little push, though, such as ringing and saying you'll be around in five minutes to go for a walk with them. A gentle push is okay, pressure is not," Ms Chatwin says.

Channels for stress such as exercise or meeting friends should be used. "Anything that makes you smile is a good thing."

Both Ms Chatwin and dietitian Anna Richards agree that medication is a last resort.

"Given the right ingredients, opportunities and social support the body will heal itself," Ms Chatwin says.

Mrs Richards says in times of stress eating patterns sometimes go out the window.

She recommends trying to keep in good health by having a good breakfast, which she says will set you up for the day.

Many people have upset stomachs in times of intense stress. Mrs Richards suggests having smaller meals more often and keeping them light.

"The mind and body need to work in sync at these times," she says.

"A sick body is not going to help your mental state.

"Try to be a bit kind to yourself."

You might not feel like cooking a big dinner at night.

Try a simple, quick meal such as an omelette and salad.

Takeaway food every night is not a good idea - but prepared meals from the supermarket can be a good filler in tough times.

Some people retreat into themselves and eat too much "comfort food".



Tastebuds are often affected in times of stress and some foods may taste metallic, Mrs Richards says.

Food should be kept simple: spicy, fatty, or rich foods should be avoided.

"We tend to neglect ourselves nutritionally and can make our bodies sick, as well as being heartsick."

People should try to keep a balance of good food and snacks at regular intervals, solid blocks of sleep and time for exercise, socialising and de-stressing.



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Caption1: DOG DAYS: Gentle exercise with his dog, Buddy, was a sensible way for Bill Clinton to combat the pressures of the US presidency and the probes into his personal conduct.

Tips to keep stress at bay

* Try to balance your life. Take everything in moderation, including exercise, food and alcohol.

* To help you sleep, avoid stimulants before bed (even Milo has caffeine in it). Try warm milk - and a warm bath.

* Listen to close friends and family: they have your best interests at heart. Talk to them about what you are going through when you feel ready. Don't feel embarrassed to ask friends for help: you would help them.

* Have healthy snacks at hand - fruit or cheese and crackers - foods that won't send your mood through the roof and then bring you to earth with a thump.

* Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant. When the effects wear off, they tend to do so bigtime. Watch your intake.

* Keep up fluid consumption during the day. Keep a bottle of water at hand.

* Try to continue your daily routine, perhaps with a few modifications.

* Be kind to yourself.

Information: Dietitian Anna Richards, psychologist Sara Chatwin.

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