Following on from Autism Acceptance Month, reporter Brodie Stone spoke with three Whangārei families about their lived experiences parenting autistic children - and the messages they might have for readers. Today, we share Lachie’s story.
Lachie Steedman’s mum Emma knew her son was different by the time he was 2.
She noticed delays in verbal milestones and other symptoms such as walking on his tip-toes, flapping his hands when excited, and biting his arm to calm himself down.
“It was probably a good year-and-a-half process to get diagnosed, even though we knew there was something there,” she said.
Multiple visits to the GP, a speech-language therapist and paediatrician finally confirmed what she suspected - Lachie was autistic.
“When we got the diagnosis, I spent the whole day crying. It was a bit of grief, I think, to have it confirmed. It wasn’t comforting, it was really upsetting.”
But Steedman said she felt validated, especially after feeling alone at times when she suspected his diagnosis.
So what’s it like parenting an autistic 4-year-old? Well, the answer is, not easy.
Food shopping is a particularly challenging task, something Steedman said is only achievable thanks to having a device on hand.
“You feel like people are judging, but if he’s got his focus on that, we’re okay with everything that surrounds us.”
Like the lighting in the shop, for example, which can be too stimulating and trigger a meltdown for Lachie.
“With the meltdowns, I always feel like I have to tell people that he’s autistic, it’s not my bad parenting.”
The most recent hurdle has been searching for a school that will meet the needs of her son.
The nearest school willing to accommodate him has open-plan classrooms, which wouldn’t work for Lachie, and other schools don’t seem as willing to accommodate Lachie’s needs.
“He’s going to be harder to manage in the education system,” Steedman explained.
She said it’s a “real fear” not knowing how schooling will go and whether he will fit in.
Steedman said not knowing whether Lachie will have an intellectual disability has been a weight on her shoulders.
Parents of autistic children typically don’t find out until their children are around 8, she said.
”I don’t know what the future is going to look like.”
Steedman said an unreliable system has at times been difficult to contend with, and what support you’re offered or are told about is luck of the draw.
She explained how Lachie has been able to have free nappies as he’s not quite toilet trained, yet a woman with a younger child was told her son didn’t meet the criteria for them because he was “too old”.
“It depends who you’ve got fighting for you. So I think it’s just advocating for our babies and making sure we get what we’re entitled to.”
Ministry of Education staff visit their home every few months to help with things the whānau struggle with, such as bath time.
Speech-language therapy has also been a game-changer, but she said it occurs only once a fortnight because Whangārei is “desperately short” of therapists.
She has also attended Barnados’ Incredible Years Autism course, which has been hugely valuable for knowledge, validation and widening her friendship network.
The 14-week programme works with parents of children aged 2 to 5 who are on the spectrum.
Steedman said she is “blessed” to have great support.
Her mother and friend both take on Lachie whenever the family needs a break, and elder son Max (11) takes his brother under his wing often.
Lachie loves everything many 4-year-olds do - dinosaurs, sharks and swimming.
When the Advocate visited the Steedman home, he was excited to show off his T-rex toy.
Steedman said despite his speech being a little behind, Lachie loves other kids.
“When he’s playing in the playground we would love for parents to talk to their kids about why maybe they behave the way they do or they can’t communicate as well.
“I’d love for that to be a conversation with our neurotypical children,” she said.
Note: This story has been changed to the correct surname after the Advocate was supplied incorrectly.
For more support and information about autism spectrum disorder (ASD), you can contact the following:
Alltogether Autism 0508 236 236 or altogetherautism.org.nz/
IHC New Zealand 0800 442 442 or ihc.org.nz/
Autism New Zealand (09) 846 0913 or autismnz.org.nz/
Brodie Stone is an education and general news reporter at the Advocate. Brodie has spent most of her life in Whangārei and is passionate about delving into issues that matter to Northlanders and beyond.