Aramoana shooting survivor Julie-Anne Tamati now has a happy life in Blackball, but the memories of November 13, 1990 are still fresh in her mind. Photo / ODT
It has been 30 years, but for some the horror of November 13, 1990 will never fade. Daisy Hudson spoke to Aramoana survivor Julie-Anne Tamati about fear, grief, and learning to forgive.
In her darkest moments, Julie-Anne Tamati would wake up and write herself a list.
"Get up. Have a shower. Eat food. Go to the garden."
Breaking her day into simple, bite-sized tasks helped her cope with the grief and guilt that has been her shadow since the murder of her adopted daughter and partner.
Rewa Bryson, 11, and Garry Holden were among the 13 people killed at Aramoana on November 13, 1990 in a mass shooting that, three decades on, seems utterly incomprehensible.
Garry called round and the family had dinner together, before he, Jasmine and Rewa returned to his house in Muri St. They had all planned to go for a bike ride, but Rewa's handlebars needed fixing.
Chiquita stayed behind, helping Julie-Anne with the dishes before asking if she could stay the night.
She sent her to her father's to ask permission.
When Chiquita returned, the nightmare started.
She ran inside, bleeding from shotgun wounds to her arm and stomach.
David Gray had shot at them, she said.
"I was just shocked . . . I got a towel, and rang an ambulance, and put her in the van."
As they left Moana St, they saw two young boys out on the road on their bikes. She told them to go to their grandad's, her next-door neighbour.
She never saw the boys again. They would later be found among the dead.
As she drove her van to Garry's house, which had been set on fire with Jasmine and Rewa inside, Gray started firing at her from a grass verge.
"I can remember going to town and buying a teddy bear for Chiquita, who was in hospital . . . and walking out to the main street and there were just people and cars going by, and it was like 'Stop! My world's stopped', but people were going on with their lives.
"But for me it was like everything had just come to a standstill."
In the years since, she has tried to move on.
She forgave Gray, going so far as to plant daffodils at the section where his house once stood.
It was difficult for people to understand that, she says.
"I've always felt that forgiveness is something that stops you from carrying it through the rest of your life.
"I've always felt that he was a troubled soul . . . he was mentally unwell."
She even contacted his family in the aftermath of the shootings.
"They were in a terrible situation where they couldn't openly grieve because the community and people were just really angry at them and angry at David."
As the 30th anniversary of the tragedy approaches, she wonders what Rewa would be like now.
Would the shy tomboy with a great sense of humour be just like her older sister and brothers?
Instead, if you wander down a little path beside where Garry's house once was, you will see her name among 13 etched on a memorial created for the victims.
At its base are shells, coloured stones, flowers, and a pair of teddy bears.
Julie-Anne lives in Blackball on the West Coast now. She has a quiet, happy life with her dogs.
She still keeps in touch with Chiquita, the little girl she once treated like her own.
"I love her dearly, and I've watched her grow into a wonderful adult."
Like Chiquita, she has spent much of her life working with victims, including more than a decade at Rape Crisis.