Amateur nightmare - one night of stand-up

Tom Lusk. Photo / Janna Dixon

After a couple of successful stand-up routines in front of his mates, teacher Tom Lusk tackled open mike night at The Classic Comedy Bar in Auckland.

I did two informal comedy routines for friends - they were really successful and everyone was complimentary. I was really confident. It was quite easy and fun. Everyone told me, "You've got to give it a go on a stand up stage." So I went to open mike night.

There was no audition process. There were eight comedians, you get six minutes each. A professional comedian speaks for 10 minutes at the beginning and introduces you. There was a crowd of about 50 people.

I got heckled by drunk bogans in the front row. Every time I said something they were commenting. Loud enough so every one could hear.They were getting cheap laughs but it was ruining my rhythm.

I use quite long pauses and I look like I've forgotten what I was going to say-that's part of it. So the bogans were saying, "He's forgotten what he's going to say." So I did forget what I was going to say and I started getting angry. Once you get angry, you can't be funny.

At the end of it I went up to the woman who had done the most heckling and I tapped her on the shoulder and said, "Honestly, f*** you. It was my first time."

She just looked down. I was furious.

I didn't feel very good for about two days afterwards. It was pretty embarrassing and horrible experience all up.

It was great how much kudos I got from people for trying. I think people do realise how hard it is. Heaps of people said it was awesome that you even tried and others said, "What comedian would have a good first time?" Lots of people said, "You've got to keep going back."

If I was younger and more thick-skinned I probably would. Next time I wouldn't drink anything before getting up on stage. I had four beers to calm my nerves. That made me stumble more than I would have and probably meant I lost my cool. Once you lose your cool, I don't know that you can get it back.

I wouldn't do it again - not for a while anyway. The only reason you would do it was because you love it. I did love it when it was good - but not enough to get through the hurt feeling. Perhaps if you're younger and got more time on your hands.

I'm 35 and I don't think you could kick off your career at that age. I think you've got to make those mistakes when you're 18.

For someone like Rhys Darby or Flight of the Conchords, they would have been having bad shows for years and trimming it away, working out what's good and what's bad.

I think that's something you learn: Good comedians practise and practise and practise.You don't want it to be like reading a school speech, it's got to have energy.