TV presenter and author Ali Mau, who has written her memoir titled No Words for This. Photo / Dean Purcell
Warning: This episode contains discussion about sexual abuse
Broadcaster and author Ali Mau feels that people shouldn’t be shocked by revelations she experienced sexual assault as a child.
The former TV presenter has shared her life story in her memoir, No Words for This, published last month.
In it, she details publicly for the first time the sexual assault she experienced from her father, who also abused her sister and nephew.
Speaking to Paula Bennett on her NZ Herald podcast Ask Me Anything, Mau said a lot of people have told her they are surprised by her story, but she doesn’t think they should feel that way as it is “so common”.
“You’ll have heard that statistic, one in three women, one in seven men experience sexual harm in their lifetime – and these are official police figures.
“[That’s] 930,000 New Zealanders have experienced, not necessarily exactly what I experienced, but some kind of sexual harm in their lifetime. It’s almost a million people.
“So the surprising thing is not that it happened at all. The surprise comes from the fact that we don’t talk about it enough. It is, I believe, the last big taboo subject in our society. And it shouldn’t be.”
She said that is why she wrote the book, because these conversations need to be had and should be had.
“If you think 10 or 15 years ago, we were, as a society, not able to talk about domestic violence. And then a bunch of incredibly committed women have worked over that time to change that around completely and make it a national conversation that we can have to the point where one of the biggest retailers in the country sponsors women’s refuge.
“I believe we can do that with sexual harm as well.”
Mau has spoken to hundreds of sexual harm survivors, men and women, and said they often speak of a level of shame or self-blame.
She said she was able to apply that to herself when telling her story.
Mau is now working on a charity, Tika, to help victims get legal support.
She is launching it with barrister Zoe Lorton and it is a concept they have been working on since 2018.
When they started exploring the issue, they found that only 7% of sexual harm victims report their case, and the figure had not changed in a decade.
" I naively had assumed that all the awareness-raising would move the needle on that, and it hadn’t."
Tika, when it launches later this year, is an online platform that will allow victims to input details about their perpetrator and get connected with a lawyer to find out what their legal route forwards is.
" It’s a game changer. Do you know that you cannot, even at this point, report sexual harm online? You have to walk into a police station or phone and speak to a uniformed officer at the front desk.
“When you think about the generations of my children’s age and younger, they do everything on their phone.
“So being able to offer a secure platform that they can trust, that will tell them whether anybody else has been harmed by the same person, even just that step is incredibly powerful for somebody who’s been unsure about what to do, but in the back of their mind, they know they’re looking for some kind of accountability and justice.”
Listen to the full episode for more from Ali Mau about sharing her story and how she wants to help victims, as well as reflections on her broadcasting career, her public relationship and subsequent divorce from Simon Dallow, and how it felt to be outed.
Ask Me Anything is an NZ Herald podcast hosted by former Deputy Prime Minister Paula Bennett. New episodes are available every Sunday.
You can follow the podcast at iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Where to get help:
If it’s an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
If you’ve ever experienced sexual assault or abuse and need to talk to someone, contact Safe to Talk confidentially, any time 24/7:
• Call 0800 044 334
• Text 4334
• Email support@safetotalk.nz
• For more info or to web chat visit safetotalk.nz
Alternatively contact your local police station - click here for a list.
If you have been sexually assaulted, remember it’s not your fault.
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