A social side to working

Successful socialising at work could boost your career, writes ALICE SHOPLAND

In every office, there are the people who always know the right things to say to the right people - and those who'd rather crawl over broken glass than make small -talk over the photocopier.

If you're in the second category and you're happy about it, fine. But have you ever felt you are missing out on promotion or choice projects because you haven't laid the social groundwork?

British author, life coach and neuro-linguistic programming practitioner Clare Walker insists that work-related socialising doesn't have to be a grind.

And if you can unlock the secrets to actually enjoying it, it's far more likely to contribute to your success.

The choice is always yours as to whether you're going to turn up and enjoy it, or endure it, she says.

"My view is that socialising is only likely to advance your career if it's being done with a genuine attitude.

"People are not stupid. If your sole motivation is to get ahead, then they will be aware of that, even on an unconscious level".

Walker says there's nothing wrong with being upfront about your business interests while socialising - in fact, that's the source of 90 per cent of her off-line business. She also has a website, www.selfworks.co.uk.

But the enjoyment comes first.

As an example of what not to do, Walker describes a fairly shy acquaintance attending a dinner on behalf of, and at the expense of, the company.

"Their sole motivation for going was that they thought other, more senior people, at whose level they wanted to be, would be going too, and would give them brownie points for having attended.

"In the event, the person was the only representative from their company.

"Shocked by being surrounded by strangers they said little all evening, and got reprimanded by their bosses for not having taken the opportunity to promote the company's interests by making new connections.

"The person didn't get their promotion this time round. As they admitted, if they'd just turned up for the sake of genuine enjoyment, whilst keeping an enthusiastic eye out for opportunities to advance their interests, they'd have done much better".

Walker, age 29, is a striking example of someone who's chosen to enjoy rather than endure.

She gets around on crutches because of cerebral palsy, has an master of arts degree in law from Magdalene College, Cambridge, and established Selfworks, a soft skills training and coaching service, in 1998.

Of course, enjoyment isn't easy to achieve when faced with someone who you believe to be the most boring person in the room, even if that person might hold the key to your future. Walker suggests the following ideas:

1. Smile. This communicates enjoyment to others, and even persuades your mind that you really are having a good time.

If you're worried about your smile looking false, think about something you really do enjoy, just before you smile.

2. Find one really positive aspect about the event before you go, and concentrate on that - even if it's only the food. If your mind strays into "enduring mode", just get back to your positive focus.

3. Get the other person talking about something which excites them. If you are interacting with someone who feels passionate about a subject, that enthusiasm will rub off and help you to enjoy the conversation.

4. Take the time really to listen other people as they speak. Keep your thoughts at the same pace at which they are speaking, not racing ahead on to what you're going to say next.

Pay them the compliment of your full attention. Good listening also means that you can still play an active role at an event, even if you hate talking.

5. If you find the subject of a conversation boring, that's a label you've given it. Ask yourself instead: "How might what I'm hearing come in handy at some time in the future?" Doesn't matter if the only opportunity you get to use it is the next time grandma calls.

6. Small talk is usually a cry for help. Respond by moving the conversation onto something people can get their teeth into - and people will thank you for it!

If this all sounds too good to be true, Walker cautions that it only works if you're being true to yourself. That might mean picking the events you attend with great care. That way, you'll be able to live with yourself, as well as prosper in the office, long after the party's over.

* Clare Walker's book Socialising for Success is published by Crown House.