After Gavin Ellis' 40 years in journalism, one story he covered probably stands out as the most macabre. Ellis, 57, this newspaper's departing editor-in-chief, recalls its chilling detail, photograph in hand.
It shows him, as a young reporter, examining an apparatus designed to fire bullets into the body of the man who strapped himself into it. It was, in effect, a suicide machine.
Ellis has not lost his reporter's enthusiasm for a good yarn - neither his sense of what a newspaper is ("a living thing, not a product"), nor the energy with which he has spent the latter part of his career fighting for press freedom and setting the tone that makes the Herald the newspaper it is.
The table he lays the grisly photograph on is the one around which every afternoon the Herald's team of editorial writers gather to discuss the day's news.
It's the sort of daily meeting held in every major newspaper office, where senior journalists thrash out what's worthy of expressing an opinion on. To outsiders it looks like an enormous exercise of power, to insiders it's a huge responsibility.
Since Ellis took the Herald editorship in 1996, that power and responsibility has rested ultimately with him.
But why should a newspaper express an opinion at all? To Ellis it's never been about telling people what to think, but about providing "others with a yardstick against which to measure their own opinion. Our opinions are no more or less valid than those of any citizen. They provide a catalyst for debate. That's a vital function".
The paper's philosophy, he says, is liberal. "We believe people's rights should be paramount and that the limits of government are something we should constantly remind politicians about. We stand for less government control and certainly we stand for a market economy."
And the paper has also stood against the tide of public opinion, particularly with support for means-testing superannuation, opposition to the sentiments in Don Brash's Orewa speech - "We took the view Maori do have special status as tangata whenua" - and most recently for keeping Ahmed Zaoui in jail on the grounds the Government had information it couldn't make public, until it became clear holding him without charge was a breach of natural justice.
"We often view populist opinions with a certain amount of suspicion," explains Ellis. "They're emotionally driven."
He is well aware that he and his editorial writers are viewing the world through the lenses of white, middle-aged men. "It makes it incumbent on you to try and put yourself in the place of others.
"But we can't help what we are. All you can do is apply some principles that will have a leavening effect on that.
"Fairness and natural justice can overcome the prejudices that are part of your upbringing - although never entirely, I concede that."
In his time in a job he sees as evolving rapidly from a trade to a profession, Ellis has been keenly aware of the growing political will to curtail the media and as chairman of the Commonwealth Press Union's Media Freedom Committee has played an integral role in holding back that tide.
This year he was in the witness box at the High Court protecting the paper's sources in the Israeli spy story, a move that could have seen him jailed.
"It's been a bumpy ride," he admits. One of the most serious battles was over the Government's alarming plans to reintroduce criminal libel, which would have meant journalists and publishers risking jail sentences if they lost defamation cases.
Ellis mobilised the editors of the country's major publications against the proposal. The result was an ultimatum to Helen Clark: introduce criminal libel and the media would find themselves unable to cover the general election that year.
"I suspect the Government hadn't considered the broader effect," Ellis smiles, "which would have been catastrophic."
He is at pains to stress that protecting media interests is about protecting the public interest, which is often little understood here, possibly because ethics and civics, the rights and duties of citizenship, are not taught in New Zealand schools.
Ellis says we tend to see civil rights "as something other people are denied".
"I'm saddened at the lack of concern New Zealanders have over a fundamental freedom like expression. It's something they don't pay enough attention to. Essentially we're a free nation, but essentially is a word you say with great care. We characterise it as the death of 1000 pinpricks. If you don't fight attempts to constrain freedom of expression, one day you're going to wake up and find you don't have it.
"Unless the public sees the danger, we'll find ourselves without the means at our disposal to serve the public interest."
Political pinpricking is one thing, but editors can sometimes find themselves on the receiving end of a much sharper blade: commercial pressure.
"Some companies believe the advertising they buy gives them special status," says Ellis. " "But it doesn't. We shouldn't be driven by advertising - the moment we do that is the beginning of our death. The majority of companies understand that.
"Ironically it's often the smaller companies who, in relative terms, think they're spending large amounts of money with us who think they have special clout. The management of this company is aware of the need to maintain that dividing line."
Editors, too, will often be suspected of bowing to the political interest of the paper's owners, something Ellis says is more imagined than real.
"There are only two instances when I've been asked to follow a line. When I was appointed editor [then chief executive], Liam Healy requested that we never advocate the use of violence for a political end. I had no difficulty with that undertaking.
"The only other time was a request from [owner] Sir Tony O'Reilly that we do whatever we can to promote the movement to get generic Aids drugs into Africa. No sane person could object to either of those."
If the pressures on journalism have increased, Ellis believes it's because journalism is now more robust. The more probing the journalism the more impediments it invites. Conversely, says Ellis, "the more probing you become the more important fairness is".
Although an enthusiast for new technology, Ellis believes newspapers will continue to have a future, albeit in a different form: less news, more background and analysis. Which, he says, means editors have to be more vigilant about separating fact and opinion.
He says the compact size pioneered by the Herald on Sunday in line with international trends will become the norm. "When that happens, it's important the Herald maintains its tone. While people might want the convenience of a smaller size, that won't be an invitation from readers to engage in English tabloid excesses."
Ellis leaves the Herald to study for his MA at Auckland University, with an emphasis on media studies. He expects to maintain a consultancy role for the Media Freedom Committee.
He doubts he'll need a student loan. "But I might succumb to a student bus pass."
* The responsibilities undertaken by Gavin Ellis will, on his retirement, be assumed by Herald editor Tim Murphy.
A freedom-fighter's farewell
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