12 Days of Christmas: Family Success Matters - Helping men to become better fathers

The Herald is profiling 12 charities awarded $8333 grants from Auckland Airport's Twelve Days of Christmas programme – now in its 13th year. The $100,000 funding comes from generous travellers who donate money at the airport.

Building a strong family is top priority for Mikayla Udy and Hone Paraha. The 25-year-old Wattle Downs couple have been working with wrap-around social service provider Family Success Matters to become the best parents they can be to their five children aged 4, 3, 2, 1 and 3 months.

Paraha has signed up for the organisation's Fathers for Families programme for help with his anger.

"I've got a short wick. I was quite violent. My partner made me realise I needed to sort it out, so I agreed to meet the social worker. Now I do boxing training with a personal trainer at the gym up the road three days a week. It's for fathers who struggle with anger. It's great. If I'm starting to feel angry, I head straight to the gym and smash it out there," he says.

"My role as a father has improved 90 per cent. Before I was never here for my kids. I was always gone – on the piss with my friends, my workmates. I'd come home for dinner, shower, then head out again.

"My priority now is giving mum as much rest as she can. I do the baby's night feeds. I spend more time with our kids. I bought weights for my 4-year-old son. When I can't make it to the gym, I work out at home with him. He can do 60 push-ups."

A report by Sir Bill English-chaired social investment research firm Impact Lab says Fathers for Families has an annual impact of $5.5 million, with 60 per cent of that to increased employment.

Hone's long-term goal is getting back into the building industry after being laid off from a building apprenticeship when Covid hit.

The couple attended the Incredible Years parenting course also run by Family Success Matters.

"I highly recommend them, especially to people who have novone to turn to. I might shed a tear, but I won't. They've been there for my family and they do what they say they'll do to help you," he says.

Mikayla and their 3-month-old baby Kyahn also have regular home visits through the Family Start programme, which Family Success Matters provides to more than 600 South Auckland families with complex needs.

Funded by Oranga Tamariki, referrals are made by Victim Support, Corrections, health providers and other NGOs.

On the day we visit, social worker Mayumi Westerlind is delivering a Baby Start box filled with high quality baby gear. Mikayla Udy says Westerlind provides practical and emotional support.

"She's helped me to feel comfortable speaking. I used to shut away and not talk to anyone about my problems. It's hard if you don't have close family support. Mayumi's taught me that it's important to open up. If you don't, it does start looking dark. I've been there," she says.

"I don't really think ahead anymore – with all the stuff that's gone on, I just take each day as it comes and lately my days seem to be getting better."

To donate a Baby Start box for Christmas or sponsor a dad through Fathers for Families: www.fsm.org.nz