10,000 families to be polled on parenting

Ryan and Betty-Anne Monga, with Jesse, 9, will be polled on what makes their family tick. Picture / Martin Sykes

Musician Betty-Anne Monga says she was "not informed at all" about parenting when she became a mother at the age of 17.

Twenty-three years later, she and her husband Ryan Monga are promoting a panel - dubbed "The Couch" - of up to 10,000 families which the Families Commission aims to recruit to advise it on family policies.

Their eldest son Kaitapu, 23, has turned out all right despite being smacked by his parents in childhood.

But the Mongas - members of the band Ardijah - have given up smacking in the past five years and have found other ways to discipline their three younger children aged 16, 11 and 9.

"We take things away. We put them in their room," Mrs Monga said.

"I think a stern talking-to and the reasoning behind it, and just going back to it again and talking about it, works better."

Her comments came too late to affect the Families Commission's position on Green MP Sue Bradford's bill to abolish the right of parents to use "reasonable force" to discipline a child. Parliament's justice and electoral committee has received more than 1700 submissions on the bill and will start hearing shortly from 280 who want to give oral evidence.

But the Mongas will now get a say on future issues affecting families through the "Couch" panel - an email list of those who will be consulted on issues such as family violence, parental leave and flexible working hours.

The commission has already signed up 900 families through its networks and wants to hear from thousands more.

"I'd be really rapt to get 3000 on there over the next few months," said community relations manager Amanda Heath. "The target ultimately is up to around the 10,000 mark."

Participants will not be paid, but will have the satisfaction of taking part in "e-democracy".

The Families Commission, established in July 2004, is funded by the Government to advocate on New Zealand family issues.

The polling idea is inspired by overseas models such as a panel of 79,000 people used by the Brisbane City Council, but this is believed to be the first large-scale electronic polling system run by a country's Government.

The first poll, being emailed out today, will ask parents how well informed they were about parenting when they first became parents, what sources they used to learn how to parent and how they feel they could be better supported as parents.

Mrs Monga said she was "not informed at all" when she became a mother. "It was, 'Well, here we go'."

But the couple were lucky to be living with Mr Monga's parents, who had nine children of their own and passed on what they had learned.

"My mother-in-law was a great support person," Mrs Monga said. "She has a gorgeous way of communicating - not making you feel incapable. That's really hard, especially when you're young parents and you think, 'Am I doing it right?"'

These days the couple employ a babysitter to stay with their daughter Latini, 16, and younger sons Beau-George, 11, and Jesse, 9, when they go on tour.

They are off to the United States on Thursday to perform at Native American festivals and at a Polynesian cultural centre in Hawaii.