My adult children still seek my wisdom and hot water: Dave Mollard

Dave Mollard writes bringing up humans is hard work. The key is aroha. Photo / 123rf

Dave Mollard is a Palmerston North community worker and social commentator.

OPINION

With my youngest child’s 18th birthday last year, I officially became a parent solely of “adults”. I use speech marks to indicate the term is a nebulous one that can not fully be defined by age, but more by attitude and emotion.

While my three children look like full-size humans and mostly act like grown-ups there are times when they are still that 16-year-old wanting the world to revolve around them.

There are numerous perks to having adult kids - no nappies, no parental taxi service or paying for piano lessons. No need to lug the bag of snacks, wipes, books and change of clothes around, parent-teacher interviews have ceased and if my kids sleep in, they have to explain it to their boss.

My parenting now mainly consists of loaning money and car keys, but every now and then my ancient wisdom is sought. Voting, tax returns and car insurance are the subjects that have replaced lessons in kicking a ball, English homework or how to brush your teeth.

My wife and I can now plan holidays catering to just us rather than choosing accommodation with a kids’ programme at the poolside.

Having three heirs usually means one or two are ”temporarily” back living at home. The board payments are helpful, but I’m sure they don’t even cover the costs of their lengthy showers or constant foraging in our fridge.

I also have the wonderful experience of being a koro to my niece’s 4-year-old who affectionately calls me Pops. I love having her come over but I also love returning her tired and full of stories about the adventures we went on to her mum.

As a young man, I never gave any thought to what my life would look like when I was half a century old. I guess I just assumed if I focused on the next 10 minutes, 10 hours or even 10 days, the next 10 years would sort themselves out.

In my work and my volunteer life, I’m surrounded by amazing gifted parents of young people who are at their wit’s end. It’s a reminder to me that bringing up humans is hard work. My message to them as they try to calm a crying 8-year-old who fell over or to connect with a surly teenager is that it gets easier, just keep working at it and it will all come together.

As long as your parenting is filled with aroha it will all be all right in the end.

On a completely different subject, let’s all take time out from being negative about our city council to acknowledge that most of the potholes have disappeared. Well done to the kaimahi at PNCC!