Men at a Palmerston North retirement village bond over partners with dementia

Some of the Julia Wallace Retirement Village residents who make predator traps are (from left) George Judd, Allan Pretious and Mason Sillifant.

The camaraderie experienced by a group of Palmerston North men has helped them face up to the reality of having partners with dementia.

The residents of Julia Wallace Retirement Village in Palmerston North have seen their partners go through various stages of the debilitating disease and say there is nothing like having a chat.

Aged from their mid-70s to mid-90s, the group includes Allan Pretious, Mason Sillifant, George Judd, Edwin Pain, Eddie Galway, John Hight and Bob Belgrave.

Pretious, Sillifant and Judd say they are happy to talk about difficult situations, and that having a chinwag in a men’s shed situation has helped them during stressful times.

Pretious was one of the original members of a group of hobbyists who started craft and tool-based projects at Julia Wallace in 2017, initially from his garage. The village later established a dedicated residents’ shed and the residents began an important conservation project.

They have helped build more than 1000 predator traps in an effort to reintroduce kiwi into the Ruahine Range.

The men say the ability to connect as a smaller group and chat about their wives and lives, in a respite setting, has been just as important as the trapping project.

“It’s a real sounding ground for us ... it takes the tension away,” Pretious says.

A typical work session in the residents’ shed could last for 90 minutes, with a coffee afterwards to “chew the fat” and share some banter.

“Everyone who works in the shed has suffered a loss of some kind, so it is very therapeutic for us all,’’ Pretious says.

“It is a good comfort for us all to be able to discuss our problems with each other.

“The friendships that have been made would not have been made without this project.”

Mason Sillifant at work in the residents' shed at Julia Wallace Retirement Village.

Sillifant says the shed chat provides ongoing support. “It’s not really serious talk as such, but it’s a release sort of thing ... it’s just somewhere where you can go and do your thing, and it gives you some time out.”

The sense of achievement when handing over the traps has also helped provide a mental boost, Sillifant says. “We’re all pretty proud of that really.”

Judd has been a member of the residents’ shed for three years. It provides another strand to village life and the men can share their experiences and a kind word.

The pressure of dealing with a person with dementia does impact carers, Judd says. “You don’t realise how it’s affecting you – it’s a very slow process, you sort of get deeper and deeper into it.”

Ryman Healthcare owns the Milson retirement village.

Ryman dementia project specialist Caroline Bartle says people whose partners have dementia can themselves face stress and cognitive decline.

Research has shown carers are at high risk themselves of developing dementia, Bartle says.