April and Carl Hodson have a precious photo to help them remember the brief time they shared with their daughter Emilia Grace.
April and Carl Hodson have a precious photo to help them remember the brief time they shared with their daughter Emilia Grace.
Nothing can prepare expectant parents for the news that their baby has no heartbeat. Feilding couple April and Carl Hodson share their story about their “angel babies” Emilia and Quinn, and their “rainbow babies” Gracie and Toby, to mark Baby Loss Awareness Week this week.
Our first born:
“Emilia Grace made me a mama...my first born.
“My journey to motherhood started back in 2019. I married my soul mate and shortly after we got pregnant [how lucky were we!]
“We had the perfect textbook pregnancy up until I was nearing 37 weeks and noticed reduced movements. I called my midwife and ended up being sent to the hospital for monitoring.
“We got placed into a birthing room where the unthinkable was confirmed. No heartbeat. Nothing can prepare you for those words. Our worlds shattered.
“On the 15th November, 2019 we arrived at Palmerston North Hospital. We were taken to a birthing room that had a butterfly on the door, this lets other people know that a precious angel baby is being born. We started the induction process at 6am with misoprostol.
“I can’t even put into words how I was feeling at this moment, I was numb to say the least. I was lucky that my labour progressed pretty quickly. My husband Carl was my biggest supporter throughout the birth. He was by my side the entire time giving me words of encouragement to get through.
“At 6.36pm our beautiful Emilia Grace Hodson was born weighing 6 pounds 7 ounces. She was perfect in every way, our hearts were so broken yet so full and in love with our beautiful wee girl.
“We had the privilege of having the support from Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua, Rebecca will always have a special place in our hearts. She helped us create hand and footprints, and dress Emilia. Tara also took family photos which are always so treasured.
Sands (Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support) are their to help grieving parents if needed.
“We had the autopsy done and several tests still to this day have no answers as to why we lost our first-born Emilia Grace.”
Quinn - our second angel baby:
The couple got the “all-clear” to try again for another baby. It took guts to try again. After losing Emilia they were determined to get the best attention available from health professionals.
The unthinkable happened at a 21-week scan that showed Emilia’s brother Quinn had severe brain abnormalities. He died soon after the scan.
Labour was induced, and April and Carl waited to give birth to their second “angel baby”.
“I would also like to acknowledge my second angel baby Quinn Hodson. I have peace that he is with his sister. They are with us and give us so much strength.
“I share my story to raise awareness around a topic I am so strongly passionate about. We need to break the silence around baby loss.
“The one thing I was doing was looking for other stories and that helped with the grieving process, and I found it so important to get your story out there.
“You just hope that it might give someone who is battling some hope.”
The rainbows:
The couple have since had two healthy “rainbow babies”. Gracie, 3, and her 8-month-old brother Toby, who was conceived through IVF. They feel blessed to have had the chance to have two healthy babies and are aware that others won’t.
April, 30, joined Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua (Stillbirth and Newborn Death Support), motivated to support an organisation that was there for her and Carl, and to help others not feel alone in their loss.
She found an amazing support network of genuine people willing to help others.
“Emilia will be turning 5 in November, and looking back on my journey I am so proud of how far I have come. If I could look back and tell myself, crying and rocking in that corner, that I would be where I am now...”
“I don’t feel that we will ever be complete. We are missing two babies. But we feel at peace helping others...”
“You have friends and family support but unless you have actually walked the walk, you don’t understand what it is like. I have made some really good friends at Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua.
“I am now the chairperson for Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua and take great pride in this work. I find it healing to give back and help to support other bereaved families.”
No two stories of baby loss are the same. Emma Strachan was also able to share her story of loss and why she also volunteers at Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua.
“I was 27 weeks into my first pregnancy when my husband and I found out our baby boy had severe hydrops.
“We were given several options with very minimal hope of his survival, but Benjamin passed away in utero before we could make any kind of decision.
“He was born two days later, silent and absolutely beautiful.
“The time to come, the days and weeks after, felt like a blur. But Sands was there for us in any way we needed and it was such a blessing to be able to talk to others who had been through loss and understood our pain.
“I decided quite quickly after Benjamin passed that I wanted to be a part of Sands in some way, but I did not have the strength or capacity in my mind for two and a half years.”
“I have been a committee member and volunteer for just over a year now, and I’m extremely proud to be a part of this important cause and am so humbled to help other families through there toughest times as I was helped by Sands.
“The craft afternoons and events held by Sands Manawatū-Horowhenua are a really great way to connect with other families who know what it’s like and to talk about our babies.
If you think you may be having a miscarriage, contact your lead maternity carer - this may be a midwife or your GP. Alternatively, call Healthline free on 0800 611 116, or visit your local urgent medical centre or hospital.
