5. I’d like to have a coffee with the person who broke the rear window of my car, Geoff. Geoff is already a very bad car whose air intake is made largely up of a beer can and a roll of gaffer tape. What would motivate anyone to attack a defenceless 1994 Toyota Corolla hatchback – the backstory would be fascinating.
6. The advice I would give my 15-year-old self is that rash will go away. You have atopic eczema. Beware of the acid reflux that will ruin your life in three years.
7. Describe Manawatū in three words? Profuse, jocular, avuncular.
8. The noise I wish I could never hear again is anything that comes from my body when I have acid reflux. The body burbles, gurgles and rumbles. I sound like an old car, an Ally Ally Bang Bang, except this car doesn’t fly, get driven by Dick Van Dyke or take you to see the Child Catcher or whatever happens in that movie.
9. As a child, I was good at digging holes. I wanted to be a palaeontologist (or as I called them dinosaur hunter). Once I was digging around in our backyard and to my surprise I found a bone by our cabbages. My parents convinced me I had found a bone from a “pre-colonial goat”. I kept this bone in my treasure box for many years as proof of my palaeontologist credentials. I only realised this year, via retelling the story to my partner, that my beloved bone probably belonged to someone’s dearly departed cat.
10. I wish Manawatū had more readily available information on how to combat acid reflux.
