YouTube star speaks about heartbreak of her baby dying after falling ill on Christmas Day

YouTube star Brittani Boren Leach has spoken about the heartbreaking death of her baby son. Photo / Instagram

YouTube star Brittani Boren Leach has opened up about the heartbreak of losing her 3-month-old son, who stopped breathing during a nap on Christmas Day.

The popular US-based parenting vlogger shared her devastating loss this week on Instagram.

She said she rushed her son Crew to hospital when he stopped breathing on Christmas Day and he died on Friday.

The mum described how she put him down for a nap at a relative's house, where the family were spending Christmas.

View this post on Instagram

Laying in bed with Crew, listening to @karijobe and @hillaryscottla , I have found clarity in the decisions that we have to make. And right now we are making hand and footprint imprints, a family handprint tree and a fingerprint charm. Jeff and I take turns being strong for each other, and our kids have been so strong. We are just taking things, minute by minute, hour by hour, although it feels like a daze. The huge amount of support that we have been shown is mind blowing to us, and we truly do feel all of the love and prayers being sent this way. #prayforcrew #crewscrew

A post shared by Brittani Boren • YOUTUBE MAMA (@brittaniborenleach) on Dec 28, 2019 at 8:49am PST

"When I went to check on him, he was not breathing. We are living a nightmare, and I'm dying inside. Please pray for my baby. This can't be real," she wrote on Instagram.

Crew was rushed to hospital where doctors stabilised him with a ventilator.

"This kind of thing only happens to 'other' people. Not me," she wrote.

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Crew’s tiny earthly body is still with us, although I know he’s already dancing and playing in Heaven. We have some hard decisions to make over the next 12 hours, that no parent should ever have to make. We need prayer now, more than before, specifically prayers for peace and clarity on the decisions that have to be made, and for our hearts, the pain is unbearable. I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don’t. The outpouring of love and support has been astounding and we cannot even comprehend the amount of love we have been shown. #prayforcrew #crewscrew

A post shared by Brittani Boren • YOUTUBE MAMA (@brittaniborenleach) on Dec 27, 2019 at 5:32pm PST

"Please continue to pray. Please. I don't think I can go on without him," she posted while Crew was still in hospital.

Leach kept her followers updated on her son's condition.

"Crew's tiny earthly body is still with us, although I know he's already dancing and playing in Heaven," she wrote at one point during the ordeal.

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It’s all just too much. All of it. I know God has a plan for this, but I’m really really mad at him right now. I cry behind the bathroom door while Jeff holds me, because in the room over everyone else gets to laugh and go on with their lives, and it makes me so angry. Running tests on my sons body to see how his organs are functioning before they take them. Pumping breastmilk just to pour it down the drain. Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping for the dress I’ll wear to my son’s funeral. It’s all too much. I’m sorry to vent, but this is my heart. And I need all the prayers to get through this. #crewscrew

A post shared by Brittani Boren • YOUTUBE MAMA (@brittaniborenleach) on Dec 29, 2019 at 12:00am PST

"We have some hard decisions to make over the next 12 hours, that no parent should ever have to make."

"We need prayer now, more than before, specifically prayers for peace and clarity on the decisions that have to be made, and for our hearts, the pain is unbearable," she added.

"I keep thinking that I will wake up from this nightmare, but I don't."

The heartbroken family is now saying a final goodbye to Crew.

"We are making hand and footprint imprints, a family handprint tree and a fingerprint charm," she wrote.

"Jeff and I take turns being strong for each other, and our kids have been so strong. We are just taking things, minute by minute, hour by hour, although it feels like a daze."

She has thanked her friends, family and followers for their support and prayers.

"Hearing a baby cry. Seeing a baby his age. Shopping Nordstrom for the dress I'll wear to my son's funeral," she wrote.

"It's all too much. I'm sorry to vent, but this is my heart. And I need all the prayers to get through this."