Young love is all very well but here’s why it’s best to meet when you’re old

Netflix series One Day tackles the story of two characters who take 20 years to realise they are meant to be together. Love stories, even those that take time to unfold, can be worth the wait in the quest for a meaningful relationship. Photo / Netflix

OPINION

As with much in life, when it comes to love, good things come to those who wait.

What’s the best age to get together? This question crops up regularly – when an ex-Beatle’s wife marries in her seventies or Posh and Becks celebrate an anniversary and we realise they’ve been married for 24 years – and it’s doing the rounds again thanks to the new Netflix series, One Day, the story of two people who are meant to be together and who take 20 years to realise it.

Sobs and joy all around! Part of you wishes they hadn’t taken so long (what a waste of a Greek holiday!) but at the same time you feel that the wait may have been worth it: they know themselves better, they’ve worked out what they want and they’ll have a better chance because of it. Young love is lovely, but older love is based on solid ground.

Or maybe that’s only what you think if you’re a late coupler-upper (I was in my mid-40s when I met and married my husband) and those who hook up in their 20s pity us lot for missing the golden years.

Anyway, here are my reasons for not regretting leaving it late.

Men often get better with age

As in they calm down, wise up, become less selfish and more self-aware. Maybe their first wife was beautiful/rich/cool and now they’re looking for a soulmate, regardless of the package it comes in. (Not saying I’m the mousey second Mrs de Winter, to be clear.)

It’s still exciting

You may have missed the hotpants-and-festivals years but it doesn’t feel any less exciting. And you can afford the hotel room rather than sleeping on the beach.

You feel grateful

There is no grass-is-always-greener feeling in a late marriage because you’ve been over a lot of grass and you know all about what’s out there. The restrictive aspects of marriage are not just welcome, they’re delightful.

No FOMO

That “don’t make me go out there again” feeling is pretty pronounced in late marriages. We’re not sitting at home on the sofa watching TV thinking “Is This It?” which some couples with several decades on the clock definitely are. We’re thinking isn’t it lovely watching TV with someone and never again having to pretend we love swimming in lakes/jazz clubs. You are never bored of each other either because you got it right (eventually) or (arguably) you haven’t had time to get bored.

Experience

You have a lot of relationship experience. And you both, by now, have a keen idea of what you don’t want. In my case: a partner who has a special packing system at the supermarket checkout; a committed cyclist; a high -control dog owner (those ones who spend hours in the park making them spin and sit); someone who asks his sister’s advice first; a swing jazz enthusiast; a dope smoker; a guilty parent of neglected children.

Parents

Parents (my parents who had, let’s face it, given up hope) will have none of the reservations that parents can’t help harbouring if their children marry at the usual time. They’ll be very, very happy about it and the divorce stuff (previously shocking and a “red flag”) will be chalked up to bad luck.

The wedding

Your wedding will be a lot of fun. Weddings are always fun but this one will have an extra element of One Day-ish reckoning about it. No-one is going to worry about you rushing into it (even if you have known each other for only a year).

What you see is what you get

Can’t overestimate how important this is when you hear stories of the character transplants and life U-turns that can occur around the time we met. Get the midlife crisis over with before you sign up is my advice.

The elephant in the room

Leave it too long and you won’t be having babies together. That is the big downside, no getting around it. Later but not too late is ideal.