"After all those years of raising his sons and keeping his house and pretending to like his colleagues at stupid work functions, Bob threw me aside as soon as someone showed the slightest bit of interest. He may as well have pushed me off a cliff."
They're stinging words, spat through gritted teeth, but Lowe isn't alone: in fact, she's a member of one of the fastest-growing demographics not just in New Zealand but on the planet — the so-called Silver Splitters, those aged 50+ who are heading for divorce court.
It was once referred to as the seven-year itch, but figures show that 30, 40 and 50-plus year itches are increasingly being scratched by the baby boomers (those born between 1946 and 1964). In fact, over the past decade, grey divorces have more than doubled, even as divorce rates among all other ages are stabilising or declining. In the United States, for example, fewer than 10 per cent of those who divorced in 1990 were aged 50 or older whereas today one in four people untying the marital knot is in this age group.
By 2030, it's predicted that in excess of 800,000 American senior citizens could be tangoing their way through divorce proceedings. In Britain, figures suggest that one in every 10 people divorcing in 2037 will be over 60.
Here in New Zealand, it's also not advisable to stock up on the silver anniversary cards: the 2017 New Zealand Relationship Property Survey revealed that of the 8169 divorces registered in New Zealand last year, the medium age (47 for men and 44 for women) was higher than previously.
"Another interesting trend is the apparent rise of the silver splitters," noted the survey. "New Zealand's ageing population suggests this trend will continue and bring new challenges."
When the Beatles sang, "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm 64?" they clearly didn't imagine that the response from a tsunami of baby boomers would be a resounding "No."
Research suggests a big driver for the trend is increasing life expectancy. "In the past, people died earlier," Pepper Schwartz, a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle, said in the New York Times. "But now people are living much longer and 50 and 60-year-olds are looking at the latter third of their lives and what they want to do with them. A lot of marriages aren't horrible but they're no longer satisfying or loving. People are asking, 'Do I really want another 30 years of this?'"
While it confounds nearly every stereotype about going gently into our autumn years, experts say that retirement and children leaving home can cause couples to realise they don't actually want to spend the rest of their lives together.
"Some have been living separate lives under the same roof for years," says Deirdre Blair, author of Calling it Quits: Late-Life Divorce and Starting Over. "Their interests have developed separately, as well as the things they want to do and the way they want to live. It boils down to having nothing in common anymore." Plus, with divorce no longer having the stigma it once did, there's little reason for these empty-nesters to stay together.
But probably the most significant enabler has been the changing status of women who, at least in America, initiate 60 per cent of divorces after the age of 40. With increasing numbers of women globally aged 55 to 65 still working, having an independent source of income gives them more financial control over their lives and allows them to walk away from an unhappy union.
Lowe, unfortunately, isn't one of them. The former secretary hasn't been in paid work since she was 18 and says she never expected to find herself leaving the gracious suburban villa she renovated over three decades — or worrying about money.
"I hate, hate, hate living in this poky apartment," she says, gesturing around the cramped fifth floor shoebox, which she bought with her share of the divorce settlement. "I can't even think about the house I had to give up without crying." Nor has she had an easy run in the employment stakes, having unsuccessfully applied for numerous jobs. "I never even hear back from them because who wants a 58-year-old with no CV or workplace skills?
I've sold my jewellery, downsized my car and said goodbye to meals out, new clothes and things I used to enjoy, such as regular manicures and Botox, but it's still a struggle to pay the bills each month. At this stage of my life, I didn't expect to be living on the smell of an oily rag. I'm very anxious about how I'll get through the next 20 or 30 years."
Lowe says she was blindsided by Bob's infidelity and the end of their marriage.
"When you spend so many years together and share the same plans and dreams, it's horrifying to have that disappear overnight."
But, she adds bitterly, she enjoyed Bob's best years. "His new woman can watch him grow old — if it lasts that long."
It's not quite 11am and Mark King* is offering me a glass of wine. When I politely refuse, he shrugs and pours himself one.
"You can write I'm drowning in wine as well as tears," jokes the public servant who was 62 when he decided he'd had enough — enough of his 38-year marriage, enough of his comfortable suburban home and enough of a life of silent dinners with Joanne, the wife he'd met at a London rugby club function when they were both teenagers.
"It's such a cliche but we grew apart," he says, his still-strong Cockney accent bouncing off the sharp surfaces of his sparsely decorated flat. "I'd been unhappy for years and our children (a son aged 37 and a 34-year-old daughter) had left home ages ago, so it was no longer necessary to stay together for the kids."
King shifts uncomfortably in his chair when he admits he probably should never have married Joanne. "I knew we didn't have much in common but that's what you did back then — you met a girl who was okay and you married her, end of story. Hardly anyone lived together before marriage to find out if they were compatible, especially not in our Catholic families."
Even as King was proposing to his wife, he knew he was making a mistake. And he almost scarpered from the church the day of his wedding.
It took a brush with cancer for him to finally pack a bag and move out. "I felt like I'd been given a second chance and I knew I didn't want to squander it living half a life."
King admits that driving away from the home he and Joanne bought when they emigrated to New Zealand in 1980 was one of the hardest things he's ever done. "I didn't want to hurt Joanne but I could see her in the rear vision mirror, collapsed on the front porch and I was tempted to turn around and admit I'd make a mistake."
Since moving into a rented flat a year ago, King has had to learn how to cook, operate the washing machine and navigate online bill payments. He agrees with experts who say that while divorce at any age is likely to be a painful experience, the older you are, the more likely it is to have a negative impact on one's health, wealth and well-being.
"I constantly worry about the state of my bank balance. I haven't the heart to suggest selling the family home because Joanne still hasn't accepted me leaving so if I were to chuck her out of her house that would be the end of her. For now, I continue to pay a stupid amount of rent but at some stage we are going to have to talk about selling."
Walking out on his marriage also fractured his relationship with his children, something he deeply regrets. "They barely speak to me and when I ask to see the grand-kids they refuse, telling me they'd rather see their grandmother. That hurts a lot but what can I do?"
Despite what he labels "a load of grief", King admits he can see a point where he will be happy with his decision. "I've recently started dating a woman I met at the supermarket. She's a widow and she has so much life and energy, she doesn't let me dwell on the past. I took this giant leap of faith and I have to believe that somehow it will work out. It's frightening but also quite exciting ... "
*Names have been changed.
Celebrity Silver Splitters
High-profile celebrities have been quick to jump on the Silver Splitter wagon. Long-suffering Jo Wood (62) parted company with Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood (70), after 23 years of marriage when he left her for a teenager, while John Cleese (78) came over all Basil Fawlty when he complained about the settlement he had to pay this third wife (73-year-old Faye Eichelberger) after 16 years of marriage.
Contrast that with actors Bill Nighy (67) and Diana Quick (71), who separated after 27 years of marriage with such dignified silence that it took almost 18 months for it to be reported.
They're also at it across the Atlantic, with Arnold "The Terminator" Schwarzenegger (70) and Maria Shriver (62), calling it a day after 25 years together. And former US Vice-President-turned-environmental activist Al Gore (69) either consciously or unconsciously uncoupled from his childhood sweetheart wife, Tipper Gore (also 69), after 40 years of marriage.
