Question: I am a straight middle-aged woman with dearly loved lesbian and transgender relatives and several close gay male friends, but I don't know how to ask this question without getting someone mad at me. Why is it, when a lesbian couple marries, one wears a dress and the other wears pants (usually a tuxedo-like suit)? Every lesbian marriage I have attended or seen coverage of bears this out. Is there some reason for this? After all, when a gay male couple marries, neither partner ever feels required to dress like a woman.
Well-intentioned questions are fair questions, and yours definitely falls into that category - although I'm glad you're asking me and not some of your lesbian friends.
Your question hits a number of hot buttons - about gender, identity, sexual orientation and, yes, even style. It certainly provoked the ire of some of my Facebook followers. A straight woman with a lesbian daughter commented: "I am beating my head against the keyboard. Why do you care what anyone wears? This is not a question that should ever be asked."
Why such a strong response? Part of the reason is that your data set of lesbian brides is leaving you with a skewed snapshot. According to a 2014 survey of more than 900 couples conducted by 14 Stories and Community Marketing Inc., a mix-and-match combo of gown and tuxedo or suit is worn at 36 percent of weddings (which makes it most common but far from universal); both brides wore wedding gowns at 27 per cent; both chose a tux or a suit at 8 per cent (the remainder made different choices, such as beach attire, traditional ethnic garb or period clothes).
