Why do dads get more praise than mums?

Herald online

14 Aug, 2015 02:20 AM4 mins to read

Don't be so surprised when dads are good at parenting. Photo / iStock

When my youngest daughter turned one I decided the time was right for me to return to work.

I wasn't ready to work full-time, so began with weekend shifts which left me home with my kids during the week. This meant my husband was home with them for most of the weekend.

His duties included taking both girls - aged one and three - to swimming lessons on a Saturday morning. Having done this particular duty myself, I acknowledge it takes a fair amount of juggling, organising and skill.

However, when it was my job, I didn't received any applause. When my husband managed to get both the the girls in the pool, boy did I hear how fantastic he was.

I know my husband is wonderful, that's why I married him.

But I don't understand why we have to make such a big deal when men are good fathers to their children. Do we do it to make ourselves feel better, indispensable?

Before we had children - before we even got married - he and I talked about our expectations when it came to having a family.

We agreed he would be a hands-on dad - involved in most of the decision-making and duties.

I was never going to be a full-time, stay-at-home-until-my-kids-leave-the-nest kind of mum, and my husband made it clear he wanted to be involved.

He's a brilliant and capable father and I love the strong bond he's developed with each of our daughters.

So, I find it hard to understand why some mums would make comments like: "You're so lucky to have your husband, mine would be completely useless," or "If I had to trust my husband to take the kids swimming, he'd probably forget their togs, or his... it would be a disaster."

I've also heard of examples, when dads look after the kids, referred to as "babysitting".

To me, a sitter is paid to care for children when the parents aren't available. A dad taking care of his children is not babysitting, it's parenting.

Dads can be a parent, given the chance. My husband may not do things the same way I would, and sometimes I have to stop myself from jumping in and taking over, but he does things his own way, and he gets the job done.

My husband also does his fair share around the house. It's a carefully choreographed routine when we both get home from work in the afternoons - dinner, bath, homework, reading, tidy-up, bedtime, lunches, packing bags - we finish all the jobs before finally settling in to watch a couple of eps of Orange Is The New Black.

He certainly isn't presented with his slippers and a drink when he walks through the door after work, and I don't believe he should be. We both work full-time, but even when I was a stay-at-home mum I expected my husband pitch in. It's not like I had my feet up, sipping lattes all day long.

It seems strange to me that our situation is sometimes considered unique. Why is it not the norm?

I feel like we don't give dads enough credit, and we go a bit overboard with the praise when dads do perform parenting or household tasks.

We need to normalise fathers as parents. It should be normal that we trust the fathers of our children to look after them, and it's condescending to think that they can't. Just like it's condescending to say I can't perform my job as well as a man, simply because I'm female or a mum.