Why being single could suit you better: study

A University of Auckland study found that singles who are conflict-averse were just as happy as those in romantic relationships. Photo / supplied

There's lots of research about how married people are, on the whole, happier and healthier than singles. And yet, there are more single people than ever before. So we can't all be miserable, right? What kinds of people do just fine without a romantic relationship?

Those were the questions animating Yuthika Girme, a doctoral psychology student at the University of Auckland, and her colleagues in their study published last month. "It seemed really strange that all these single people would be miserable," Girme said in a phone interview. "So we went on a hunt to find out who being single might actually be good for."

First they studied about 200 undergraduate students, then looked at more than 4,000 New Zealanders ages 18 to 94. Their research found that singles who are conflict-averse (or "high in avoidance goals," in the researchers' terms) were just as happy as those in romantic relationships.

People who are high in avoidance goals try to avoid bad things happening to them. "It's kind of like when people buy flowers for their girlfriend," Girme notes, and the girlfriend's first reaction is: "What did you do wrong?"

For these folks, the study found, "being single may offer benefits that protect against potential hurt and rejection in relationships."

Of course those who are conflict-averse might still face hurt and rejection while single and dating, but any dissatisfaction appears to be more compartmentalized.

"They're unhappy because of the rejection," Girme says, "rather than with their life more generally. Because they're able to avoid relationship conflict by being single, they're more happy with their lives."

For example, if a high avoidance person goes on a date with someone who never calls for second date, he or she would view it as a good thing, Girme says. As in: If they're going to act that way in a relationship, I'm probably avoiding a bad relationship.

"That motivation (to avoid conflict) does protect them in some way," Girme says. "People's avoidance goals protect them from the negative parts of a relationship."

Most people are happier in relationships. But according to the study, that increase in happiness is starker for people who handle conflict well ("low avoidance") and those who try to maximize closeness and bonding in all types of relationships (what the researchers deemed "high in approach goals").

But folks who are conflict-averse tended to be happier single than they might be in relationships.