Who can you trust with your kids?

Blogger and first-time dad Scott Kara ponders: Who can you trust with your kids? Photo / Herald On Sunday

Who can you trust with your kids? No one really, I reckon. Except maybe, your nearest and dearest - but even then, we all know terrible, sinister things can happen within the closest of families.

Abuse is not something you want to think about too much as a parent. The idea of it happening to your own child is too awful to contemplate; especially at the hand of someone you know within your own circle of friends and family.

But as a parent, you have to be alert to any signs of strange behaviour.

I was at the mall with my daughter a couple of weeks ago, and there was a man sitting on a seat, watching children play on the pint-sized cars. He was all smiles and most likely harmless, but it felt a little strange and I picked up Mia and we moved away.

Then last week I heard a story about some eight-year-old identical twins getting accosted by a man in a Lower Hutt mall while they were on their way to the toilet.

Malls are dodgy. While these sorts of public attacks might not be a common occurrence these sorts of people are particularly scary because it's a premeditated fetish. In the hustle and bustle of the mall, with the maze of hallways leading to the restrooms, they can wait, watch and pounce. It's a paedophile's playground.

Luckily though the twins had done a self-defence course at school and shoved, elbowed and, most importantly, hollered at the top of their lunges. Good on ya girls.

Now, I'm not going to send my little girl out surrounded by a glass cage like the pope because my wife and I want her to be sociable and friendly. Although a few Tae Kwon Do lessons might be in order. But I wouldn't be letting my kid, or kids, wander off to the loos alone like that.

Closer to home, us dads face scrutiny and have our own weighty issues to deal with when it comes to the father-daughter dynamic.

You might think I'm being a melodramatic male, but what happens for example when I'm looking after Mia and one of her friends, and my wife is out? Do I tell her friend's parents that's its just the girls and me at home today?

Being honest seems to be the best approach, even if they do think it's a strange thing to say. But at least it's out in the open, so to speak.

And further down the track, there will come a time when she'll want to have her friends stay the night - and likewise, she'll be staying over at other peoples' places.

When it comes to sleepovers, one bit of golden advice my wife picked up is to say loud and proud before you leave them, in front the other parents, "I want to hear all about what you got up to when I pick you up", rather than the simple, "Have a great time".

A simple message like that gives your kids the power to voice their opinion if something's not right.

It also sends a subtle message to the people they're staying with that your child will - hopefully anyway - speak up.

And just for good measure I might book those Tae Kwon Do lessons too.

- Scott Kara

Pictured above: Shoppers at Sylvia Park. Photo / Herald on Sunday