KEY POINTS:
Some trends and looks are harder to tame than others. In fact, getting into this winter's more difficult garments is sounding like it might be as much fun as herding cats.
Hmm, how exactly do you wear jodhpurs without looking like a lost equestrian? Will any would-be lovers find you even remotely sexy once you're swaddled in this winter's weird, wonderful and oversized knitwear? And how does one wrangle tie-dye without entering hippie territory?
Yet some of these difficult looks are desirable, trendy and very winter 2008, darlings. Which is where a guide to making your most difficult purchases sit (nicely) and stay (comfortable) comes in handy. And the rewards are guaranteed to be more satisfying than your average handful of dog biscuits.
PICK YOUR BREED CAREFULLY: BIG KNITS
You know how when you're watching a documentary about tigers and lions on the telly and you think they're really adorable when they lick their paws and act very much like your own lovely, house-trained moggy? But then you realise, quite sensibly, that some animals are best left in the wild to kill other smaller animals. Well, fashion's dalliance with oversized and experimental knits is a lot like this. Some of the wackiest woollies are best left on the runway - or perhaps to the more daring dresser. Sure, they're amazing and possibly quite beautiful but whether you'd ever wear them down the road, or even off to work, is a fraught question. So, metaphorically speaking, the best thing to do is stick to your lounge-sized version of that fabulous leopard. Rather than some enormous, mad blanket of a poncho, find yourself an oversized, bobble-encrusted scarf to wind around your neck. Or an interesting sweater dress to fling on over jeans or opaque tights.
TAMING TIE-DYE AND OTHER ARTY PRINTS
First things first, folks, do not call this little critter by its real name. In the fashion world, it should always be referred to as "ombre" - which is French for shaded or shadowed. And obviously calling it a snazzy French name immediately makes it much easier to get into the sort of multicoloured, dip-dyed look that a fair few designer garments have already been subjected to over in Europe, and which will no doubt appear in local chain stores soon - that's if the imitation experts are doing their jobs properly anyway.
Mainly this name change is about altering your preconceptions of tie-dye. No longer should it be considered the bastard offspring of Dylon gone wrong, tied to a bit of string and towed along by acid-maddened hippies. Instead, an ombre colour scheme should be thought of as a more delicate creature altogether, taking its rightful place in the heavenly pantheon of arty prints that is already going strong in local shops. The effect is soft and only mildly bohemian.
As with your average art print, whatever garment you've got that's tie-dyed will be making a statement of sorts. So unless you want to get all radical and mix and match your prints and patterns, then whatever else you're wearing with ombre will tend toward the simple and streamlined, perhaps even a little bit of tailored juxtaposition.
BECOME A TROUSER WHISPERER: JODHPURS AND OTHER BAGGY PANTALOONS
This creature is a particularly difficult one to tame - and just as with breeds of horse, there are some pant genres that are going to be more temperamental than others. So how exactly does one wear the new season's more unusual trousers - jodhpurs, baggy MC Hammer pants, Indian style dhotis?
All of these new-look pants do have something in common. Unlike skinny trousers, where you can pretty much sling on any old oversized T-shirt or smock dress, these pantaloons require careful consideration of what you'll be wearing on top.
A lot of them do widen at the hip somewhat and then taper toward the ankle, so if you're wearing something like an oversized T-shirt or smock top, you'll look like you've inflated your middle - not a good look.
So, much as sartorial individuality is to be encouraged, this is one look where you're going to have to do it almost exactly the same way the various designers did it on the runway. The top half needs to be slimline, if not tucked right in. A fitted, long sleeved T-shirt or even a fine polo neck will do. And jackets have to be tailored or cropped. A couple of seasons back, the Balenciaga label was one of the first to popularise this look and their jodhpur-clad models were all wearing short, fitted blazers.
Some women won't mind looking like they're off to the stables. But many will not like large, hairy quadrupeds - which is why heels will need to be high. Boots are fine as long as you don't look like you're about to gallop off into the sunset.
Now what about the jodhpur's more radical cousin - the MC Hammer trouser, harem pant, drop crotch baggy or disco dhoti? Even those names sound a little scary, and unless you're a six-foot tall, 17-year-old amazon, you'll need to ensure that the trousers are made from a soft or draped fabric. Be warned that these mounts are the pinnacle of high fashion and you get instant glamorista points for riding around town in them. If you pull it off, you will look the business rather than the victim. Once again, high heels are virtually compulsory as is a slimming top.
TEACHING MINIATURE MANNERS: SHORT SKIRTS AND DRESSES
Miniskirts are the handbag-sized poodles of the fashion world. They're cute, mostly reserved for young starlets and occasionally verging on bad taste.
But while shorter dresses combined with statuesque or unusual looking heels, and bold stockings, are still very happening - a quick look at the hip kids on www.thesartorialist.com will confirm this and illustrate how to wear them - the good thing about this little wardrobe dilemma is that the miniskirt is looking a little dated this winter.
Just as Paris Hilton and her cohorts seem to have handed their teeny weeny dogs back to the dog-sitter, miniskirts have also fallen off recent runways.
When it comes to skirt hemlines they're still sitting above the knee, but do not rise to gynaecological levels any longer. And just above the knee is - thank you lords of fashion - a flattering length for almost everyone.
