Many people report that specific sounds - often, but not always, made by specific people - make them so angry they want to explode. Photo / Matt Seymour, Unsplash
ANALYSIS:
I'm a fairly calm person, but one thing that launches me into a fit of rage is the sound of my husband chewing. I can't say whether his chewing differs in a demonstrable way from other people's chewing, other than the fact that I'm subjected to it on a daily basis. But I do know that his chewing sounds are the only ones that make me want to pick up my chair and hurl it across the room.
When slurping is involved, too — I'm looking at you, ramen noodles — I become practically apoplectic. I often can't help making a comment: "OMG, can you chew more quietly?!" Then I typically walk away to escape the sound before I do something that might land me in prison.
Many people report that specific sounds — often, but not always, made by specific people — make them so angry they want to explode. When I informally polled my Instagram followers, more than 65 people shared the human-made sounds that drive them bonkers, including chewing, slurping, gum-smacking, mouth breathing and sniffling.
I've never seen a medical professional about my chewing aversion — and I probably won't, because my reactions aren't so terrible that I can't manage them — but it's possible that I suffer from misophonia, a little-known syndrome first described in the early aughts and characterised by strong negative emotional reactions to certain sounds or visual cues in certain contexts.
Research on misophonia is still in its infancy, and firm estimates of how many people suffer from it are hard to come by — but slowly, interest in the phenomenon has been growing. "Anyone who's worked with misophonia and, of course, anyone who's experienced it, appreciates how really significant the condition is," said Eric Storch, a clinical psychologist at the Baylor College of Medicine in Houston.
Research has shown that in people with misophonia, certain sounds rapidly trigger a response by the autonomic nervous system, the part of the body responsible for the involuntary "fight or flight" response, and that this reaction does not occur in people without the condition. "It's outside of your conscious awareness," which is why it's so difficult to control, explained Jennifer Jo Brout, a psychologist and the director of the International Misophonia Research Network. "People think: 'What's wrong with me? Why is this happening to me? I'm really a nice person.'"
Studies have identified various brain regions involved in misophonia, including the anterior insula, which is involved with processing disgust, fear and anxiety. It's possible that the brains of people with misophonia are like "hypersensitive alarm systems", interpreting specific innocuous sounds as threats, explained Zach Rosenthal, a clinical psychologist at Duke University and the director of the school's new Center for Misophonia and Emotion Regulation. A patient once explained the feeling to him in stark terms: "It's as though there's a grizzly bear that suddenly sits down next to you," Rosenthal said, and "your body automatically responds to it."
If you or a loved one have symptoms of misophonia, here's what you should know.
Chewing and slurping sounds can annoy anyone, so how can you tell if your reactions are strong enough to constitute misophonia? Storch said that what mattered was the intensity of your reaction and how much it interfered with your daily life. If the sound of someone chewing slightly annoys you, you are a human being. If the sound makes you so angry you want to hurt someone, that could be misophonia.
Emily Boyer, a lawyer based in Atlanta and an old friend of mine, told me that she found pen-clicking and chewing sounds so enraging and distracting that she brought multiple pairs of ear plugs with her when she took the bar exam in a crowded convention centre (she passed). The worst sound? When her husband chews ice. She typically asks him to stop but tries to keep it lighthearted: "Take it easy, chomps," she says.
People with misophonia can be set off by many kinds of sounds and sights, not just those made by mouths. Finger- and pen-tapping as well as foot-shaking are potential triggers, Storch said. However, the most common triggers are nose, mouth and throat noises: chewing, crunching, sniffling, snoring, sneezing and throat clearing.
Other conditions can be confused with misophonia, Rosenthal said. Some people who think they have misophonia may instead have hyperacusis, a hearing disorder in which all sounds seem unbearably loud. Sometimes misophonia is confused with obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder and sensory processing disorder, he added, but these are all distinct conditions — although people with misophonia may be more likely than others to suffer from these other conditions as well.
If your partner's sounds are making you feel murderous, try talking with them about it, Rosenthal suggested. Explain that we're all wired differently and that you feel particularly sensitive to certain sounds they are making. Tell them your reactions aren't conscious choices, and ask for their support if you need to walk away or eat separately.
A tip based on personal experience: try not to blame the other person for breathing or chewing too loudly. What's happening isn't their fault, and asking them to be quieter probably won't help because these reactions tend to occur regardless of how loud they are (I'm working on staying mum when my husband's chewing annoys me). Nor is it constructive for the chewer or breather to suggest the person with misophonia is overreacting (this isn't their fault, either). When I polled my Instagram followers, many of them said that loved ones dismissed or mocked their reactions.
"No one with misophonia wants misophonia," Rosenthal said. "The idea that this is a thing that someone is choosing to be annoyed by, is, on its face, patently absurd."
If you think you have misophonia, Rosenthal suggested checking out the websites Misophonia Education and Soquiet.org, which provide resources and education on the topic.
It can be difficult to tamp down misophonia's strong reactions, but experts say certain things could ease your rage. Brout said that walking away from the trigger, even for just 30 seconds, might calm you down. When you're in a situation in which you might get triggered, she also recommends breathing exercises such as four-square breathing, which involves a repeated cycle of exhaling over a count of four, keeping your lungs empty for a count of four, inhaling over a count of four and holding air in your lungs for a count of four.
Storch said that guided imagery exercises — closing your eyes and imagining yourself in a calm and peaceful setting — could also help, and that playing music or white noise in the background might drown out the sounds and tamp down your reactions, too.
If simple fixes don't do the trick, Rosenthal and Storch said that forms of cognitive behavioural therapy could also make a difference, in part because they focused on identifying coping strategies. Because very few therapists specialise in treating the condition, Rosenthal suggested trying to find therapists who provide evidence-based treatments across a variety of mental health conditions.
Rosenthal advised that people should describe their symptoms in detail — rather than just saying "I have misophonia" — so that therapists who aren't familiar with the condition can understand what's going on. Explain that you respond to certain sounds with anger and anxiety, that your reactions are causing you problems and that you want help, he said.
As for me, I'm relieved to hear that I'm not alone in my seemingly bizarre symptoms — and that there are workarounds and treatments I can try. The next time I'm in the throes of chewing-induced fury, I'll walk away from the sound and focus on my breathing. Perhaps I'll start blaring my favorite '80s tunes whenever my husband eats ramen, too — although that might send him into a sound-induced rage instead.
This article originally appeared in The New York Times.
Written by: Melinda Wenner Moyer
© 2022 THE NEW YORK TIMES
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