What it's like being a Tantric sex worker

Lily Eros, 24, is a Tantric sex worker.

Two to three times a week, she charges men $400 an hour to perform what she calls an "erotic body massage".

There is no sexual intercourse involved. She does not get naked. Sometimes, they simply hug.

Lily, from Melbourne, loves her job. She finds it incredibly satisfying and rewarding.

She sees her main role as helping men understand their sexuality. After a session, they feel more connected to themselves and their sexual partners.

News.com.au asked her everything you want to know about how her job works and what really happens during a session.

What is Tantric sex?

"Tantra is a practice that allows us to embrace all of ourselves - both the light parts that we willingly reveal to people and the dark parts that we hide away.

It's about embracing all of what we feel. If you want to orgasm, that's great. If you don't, that's OK too. You connect deeply to your senses and let go of expectation.

You just let go of your worries and accept what you're feeling now, be present and notice what's there."

How is it different from the 'regular' sex most of us are having?

We live in a culture that from the outside seems really overtly sexual.

But at the same time there's a lot of secrecy around sex. We're not allowed to have open, honest conversations.

It's quite taboo to express your desires. We can't accept our desires. That's something why I think tantra has been such a big drawcard.

During sex education classes, they probably didn't teach you to learn about your desire or how to feel more pleasure or how to have an intimate connection with another person.

What I notice happens a lot is people get in a habit of how they masturbate. They always masturbate in the exact same way, or you go through the same motions all the time.

You're acting from a place of habit rather than being present in the now.

So in Tantric sex you might say 'In this exact moment, I desire to be touched here', as opposed to thinking 'Normally he touches my breasts a bit and then he goes to my vagina', so you just do that. It's playing with different sensations.

When you're present with what the sensations you're feeling... you allow yourself to explore those feelings deeper.

With the availability of porn, the addiction rewires your brain to how you see women and your own body and sexuality. This is rewiring your brain to be more accepting and present.

What's the specific service you provide?

It's an erotic bodywork session. It's erotic massage that teaches people to be more sensitive, with the awareness and presence you sense in your body so you can feel more.

Who is your typical client?

They're mostly men in their 30s and 40s. I'll occasionally get someone in their early 20s and then I've seen people up to age 60. They're a mix of single people and people in relationships.

They're in a place in their lives where the sex they're having just doesn't satisfy them anymore and they think 'There must be something wrong with me'.

They are acting from a place of habit and they don't know how to change it. They want to explore their sexuality a bit more and have intimate, satisfying relationships.

Are they allowed to touch you?

On my arms, maybe my shoulders and on my side, but they don't touch my breasts or my genitalia.

Before I see clients I have an etiquette form saying 'This is not your general rub and tug, this is Tantric massage' and it explains why they're not touching me, just receiving me.

How does it all work?

I have a website that people contact me through and we email back and forth. If they want to, they can speak to me on the phone beforehand.

Each session is individualised. The basic structure is I would meet the client at their home or a hotel.

I like to make the space a bit pretty. I bring a few candles, some rose petals, I bring my Bluetooth speaker and set up soft background music.

Initially I want to connect with the client, so we do something that would help us develop intimacy. I could be holding hands, it could be gazing into each other's eyes. A few minutes of that is really powerful.

Sometimes they feel awkward, but when I first greet them I give them a really warm hug. It lasts for at least 20 seconds.

It will go longer if they want it to. It could go for a couple of minutes, if they haven't been touched in that long. After a minute they can have a tear in their eyes, after a really warm welcoming hug.

I always wait for them to break away [from the hug] first. Easily, we could even just hug for a whole session and they could be totally satisfied.

I had one client where we ended up just laying there and hugging and just gazing into each other's eyes. He had never experienced anything like that.

What happens after that?

It starts with a whole body massage, playing with different touches, or using a feather. Just really relaxing every muscle.

I might start stroking their bare wrist gently, and without judgment. Playing with those sensations, then start scratching or firmly kneading, playing with different sensations and noticing what they feel like and surrendering to that.

It's not a hand job, but I would move towards their penis and again focus on what sensations they can feel and playing with softness.

I'm not trying to make them come, but I'm exploring the sensations that are there.
You bring them close to orgasm, but then you let the energy and excitement dissipate, then you build it up again.

The technique helps for men who don't last very long. I will stop at 60-70 per cent and back off.

It teaches them to think 'If I stop now and slow down, I can last longer'. That gives them master of their ejaculation. If they come in a minute, soon they can say 'I can last 10-20 minutes'.

What do your clients say is the main reason they want to see you?

I used to be an escort a few years ago, and both then and now, I find men want to be touched. They want intimacy, connection. We all live in a busy world. We all have a lot going on, and they feel like no one is there to listen and be there for them.

Even when people see normal sex workers, they often just want the company, even if they won't admit it. There is sex involved, but they also want the intimacy and the touching.

I talk to men all the time and if they don't have sex with anyone, they might go months with just a handshake from a stranger.

From childhood, men stop being hugged. I always hug my girlfriends, we kiss on the cheek, but men are shamed for it.

So where are they going to go to get this intimacy? The acceptable way for men to do that is through sex.

Do you classify what you do now as sex work?

I used to be an escort and I still call myself a sex worker now, but it's just now I don't do the full service.

What's the most challenging part of your job?

I set pretty clear boundaries between the work and professional but occasionally I have had clients who think my friendliness or wanting to care for them means I want to take it further. I have had to correct that or stop seeing them.

A lot of the people I'm around are very open-minded, sex positive people. It's never really been an issue for me. Even my family know.

And what's the best part?

It touches my heart when a client just opens up. When they've accepted and found a new part of themselves.