What is ‘eggshell parenting’? Psychologist explains latest TikTok trend

Is your parenting style making your kids hyper-vigilant around you? Photo / Supplied

“Eggshell parenting” is the latest phrase to trend on TikTok – and now a clinical psychologist has weighed in on the app to explain what it really means.

Dr Kim Sage shared several videos explaining what it means to be an “eggshell parent”. Her words have resonated with countless people who said they recognised the trait in their own parents.

Many of us will recall one parent being more likely to say “yes” to a request than the other, or waiting until either was in a good mood to bring something up. But in the extreme, kids can be raised in a way that makes them feel like they’re “walking on eggshells” around their parents at all times.

What is “eggshell parenting”?

Sage explains that, if a parent’s behaviour or mood is unpredictable, without clear cues or warnings, it can “put your child in a position where they have to always be hyper-vigilant to what may or may not happen next”.

“Even if you’re loving and safe and wonderful, if it follows that you can be unsafe at the core, you are not safe,” she adds.

According to Psychology Today, children are very aware of the energy and “vibe” of the household they are raised in. If they sense negative feelings in another family member, it can make them overly cautious of making a wrong move.

A parent’s “emotionally dangerous behaviours” can form behavioural issues in a child later in life, Sage explains.

“Number one: the parent’s mood is like being on a roller coaster. You never know what to expect, but there’s always going to be significant high highs and low lows. Basically, emotionally, you never know what to expect, but you have to prepare for the part where it’s not safe.”

“Eggshell parenting” households can feature raised voices, at partners or children, and can trigger a fight or flight response.

Guilt-tripping, gas-lighting and mockery are other examples of eggshell parenting.

Sage notes that these behaviours are often not constant – children can also feel supported and loved by their parents, without knowing when things might take a turn.

Are you an eggshell parent?

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent – but if you’re worried that you might be behaving in this way, that’s a good sign because you’re self-aware, Sage explains.

Children who grow up with this style of parenting can develop “low-key hyper-vigilance” later in life and even hyper-sensitivity to certain smells and sounds.

“It’s like you’re always scanning for threat and change, and it can be very triggering in your body and in your emotions for you,” she says.

How you were raised will probably have an impact on how you choose to raise your own children – and unless work is done to make changes early on, the cycle will continue.

Sage says it’s important to take responsibility for your actions as a parent and apologise to your children if your behaviour or reactions have upset them.

Learning to self-regulate your behaviours as a parent will have countless benefits for both you and your child.