KEY POINTS:
A male-female imbalance in New Zealand is being blamed for what many are calling a 'man drought'.
Population Association of NZ demography analyst, Robert Didham, says women are lamenting not a lack of men, but a lack of suitable men. Didham noted a similar sentiment in Alaska, where men greatly outnumber women. "Somebody had quipped that the odds are good, but the goods are odd," says Didham.
According to the 2006 census results, the male-female imbalance is steady at present (about 95 men to 100 women), but it had been growing since 1970. What are your tips for finding a partner? Here is a selection of Your Views:
Riley (Wellington)
I'm the first to admit I'm probably a bit shallow, but I take the time to work out, eat properly and be a thoughtful and considerate person, why shouldn't I expect that from a guy. Unfortunately the percentage of men who do look after themselves in this way is in my experience quite low, let alone those who are willing to treat others as they themselves wish to be treated (I'm not your mother and no I will not do your ironing), lets face it though, both sides of this debate could be switched, not all NZ women are like me :)
Waikato Girl
I can't believe some of the comments made by both men and women about other people in this country. The problem is you are either too picky and expect to find Mr/Mrs Perfect or you have issues with your own self and you cant see what you are missing! There is lot of lovely people in New Zealand, and no guys - not all NZ women are obese. In other countries New Zealanders are as exciting as what we think of foreigners, so NZ men and women embrace what you have before someone else snatches it up! Also to the rude person continuously commenting on NZ women's bottoms - no I am not racist but, I think you need to go home! Madarab look at your comments. I'm guessing you are still single, and if you keep up that attitude it will remain this way!
Rod
This is my opinion, but I think Kiwi women are the most stuck up women in the world. For starters they have nothing to be so up themselves about! They're not as attractive as their European, American or South American counterparts. They're mostly overweight, over 60 per cent of NZ women are considered obese. NZ women need to lose some weight, dress more feminine and be more friendly.
Mama Mia (Auckland)
The male-female imbalance is probably caused by far too many men drinking themselves to death, whereas most women live to sober and decent life. So, men should pull themselves together and start living a respectable life. Women would no doubt appreciate such dramatic change, too, because who wants to live with a derelict drunken guy who makes not the least sense at all. But I doubt men have the nerve to do just that, so the imbalance will last forever.
Jono (NSW)
My tip for finding a partner would be to try before you buy. Shop around (i.e. date women from other backgrounds and countries). If you aren't into a long-term commitment and get bored quickly, try the net. As they say why buy a book when you can join a library? In my opinion after having travelled around a fair bit New Zealand women at least 18-30 year old NZ women are far too big for their boots. They tend to be catty, sulky, and conceited, believing that it is a man's job to please them, and to keep them happy. Whether this is the effect of the media or the way their parents brought them up I have no idea, but it is unfortunate. They therefore set themselves up for huge disappointment in a few years when they end up dissatisfied and alone.
Maria
Ah the joys of being a lesbian.
Lalper (Auckland)
I would definitely advise Kiwi girls to grow up and learn how to socialize with modern day men. They are one of the most timid species in the western world, I have ever seen. I've lived in a couple of Euro cities as well as US and nowhere have I seen such unfriendly girls. Top of the list are Swedish and Dutch girls who are very friendly, broad minded and passionate. Instead a majority of kiwi girls are cold, haughty, dim-witted and dogmatic. Even in Auckland, old fashioned granny mentalities are abundant inside nice looking girls. How can they ever be competitive customers, if men are in short supply? I feel very sorry for Kiwi men since most of them are really nice and smart, so deserve a lot better.
Gosh!!
I'm just surprised at the amount of hurt people (of both sides of the gender wall) there are no wonder happy ever after gets sneered at.
1) I was lucky and met my wife while involved in my hobby in which we both still compete.
2) Haven't tried to change each other-both still have our own interests.
3) She's no barbie doll and doesn't want to be, I don't look like Tom Cruise - it's still no excuse to not try - in the words of an advert "'Cos she's worth it!!"
Gary
I am in my mid 50's and have been married over 34 years - oh and yes to the same lovely woman. Close sex is the key as when this happens most other aspects of the relationship are healthy and already in place. The Torah says"
"A man should never make a woman cry as God counts the tears. A woman came out of a man's rib, not his feet to be walked on and not his head to be superior. Under the arm to be protected and close to the heart to be loved."
If more of my fellow males treated there partners as princesses then both would benefit and their children have there best role models they can everyday.
Ravi
It's particularly difficult to find a partner especially since I wasn't born here. Even though I have been in NZ for 20 years and consider myself a Kiwi, most kiwi girls won't have a bar of me. Despite being a financially secure and successful professional I am still alone. :-( It's not as if I am surrounded by hot Bollywood actresses!)
Luke M.
Men: Shower and spray deodorant frequently. Brush your teeth twice a day (women love a nice set of teeth and a nice smile) and make the effort to be romantic! Try Table for 6, internet dating (worked for me) and speed dating. It is so much fun!
Women: Stop trying to change him, otherwise he'll run. Ensure that he treats you right. If he makes you feel happy and safe, don't let him go!
Cooker
Role Models, my advice to NZ women is, stop basing your diet on "Nigella" stop basing your morals on 'Sex in the City' Stop basing your attitude toward men on "Helen Clark" and stop basing your temperament on "Coronation Street".
M Christchurch
Madarab - wow you seem to feel so threatened. I'm sorry to tell you that the 1950's are over. So because we have female PM and my doctor will look out for my women's health I am somehow so much worse than someone who comes from a country with a male PM and apparently will get breast or cervical cancer?
L (Auckland)
What wonderful generalizations, some people make. Get a clue. Treat women with respect (all women, not just kiwis), and you will, most defiantly get a much more pleasant result.
I am a true Kiwi girl, and I am certainly not big bottomed, stuck up, or full of myself. I've never found it difficult finding a date, and I'm willing to give anyone who speaks to me nicely, and with a bit of respect a go. Those who grab your bum, give terrible pick up lines or talk directly to your breasts are another issue all together - and an issue all Kiwi men seem to have. After reading everyone's views on this issue, I started to think, every single kiwi guy I have ever dated, has been one the most horrible experiences of my life. They were all after one thing and one thing only. When did a little bit of courting go out of style? A nice text message every now in then isn't too much to ask is it? All my most memorable relationships have been with, well anyone except Kiwis! In fact I am now living with my fantastic British boyfriend. My advice ladies, get out! Get out of this country and find a man with class. Or be lucky enough to work for a company that imports men!
Observer
After living and working on four different countries, Middle Eastern, Asian and European, with my wonderful wife of 30 years. When ever we came home it hit us strongly that NZ women and men do not pay enough attention to their presentation, as a group they look slovenly and consequently unattractive. When talking with them their conversation skills were poor and typified by suspicion of anyone that showed great manners, expressed an opinion and displayed good conversation skills. NZers are too worried that someone who is pro-themselves might be anti-them. So my advice to Kiwi guys and girls is: develop some presentation skills, take pride in yourself all the time (not just when you are on the prowl), show great manners and courtesy to all people. Develop an interest in others, be pro yourself. It is not rocket science.
James B
Working in a bar, where I meet heaps of different people from all over the place, Kiwi girls (particularly from Auckland) undoubtedly give off this feeling of negativity that just means every guy thinks its not even worth trying. Try talking to them across the bar and youll get a weak smile that looks more like go away". Foreigners seem much more friendly, and a lot less defensive. This said, bars are very often where people would expect to find a partner, and so its little wonder everyones complaining. Also, the music is too loud in just about every bar everywhere, so you can never actually talk to anyone, but you have to yell.
Justus
Hmmmm... so women think guys are not good enough, and so do the blokes think about girls. Why dont you get over it and call it even then? Get together, whingeing Kiwis, and dont take advantage from those poor foreigners! They simply dont know what theyre gonna get in this country.
Kirsten, Kiwi lass
I am a little concerned its more male or female bashing rather than actual advice. I think there are both male and female kiwis that leave a lot to be desired and some you should just leave. But there are some definite keepers I know I got one. Best piece of advice I can give. Be patient, dont jump into bed on first date, ensure your vocabulary goes beyond latest fashions and cars. Try delving deeper NZ and your typical kiwi bloke or lass might be more than your expectations. As for me I am happily married to great guy who is everything and everyone I want. And best of all he is a kiwi bloke. Got to love them.
Toothpick
Clearly from the other responses we can deduce that the grass is always greener. Good old Darwinian diversity comes to the fore again!
Martina (Auckland)
I think if you run around with an 'all men are bastards' / 'women are difficult' attitude, then that is exactly what youll attract!
Phil (London)
From the looks of this thread the battle of the sexes is alive and kicking. Women are lovely the world over. From New Zealand to Asia to Europe to the Americas, they all want that combination of warmth, strength, good looks and great performance in the sack. Being a Kiwi bloke, I've managed to deliver on all fronts.
Hannah (Auckland)
From experience, Rule number 1: Start looking at the under 6ft, because there youll find the other 50 per cent of the male population. My single friends still list 'tall' as their top priority, although why it matters I cant fathom. My husband approached me in a cafe holding a flower. When I met him he was very popular with girls, most of them much taller than his 5ft 5 inches. He is perfectly capable of looking after himself and me in any situation. In my opinion women here go for the big dummies who are tall and big, then wonder why they have nothing in common. Good males can also come in small packages. After 9 years I look at tall men as freaks; I for one am delighted I didn't let this common prejudice get in the way. Mind you he is also European and is happy to drink coffee, go shopping (where he can browse the beautiful girls and no I dont care). We treat each other with respect and never take each other for granted.
Ana
Reading this I want to laugh, I think anyone would agree that Kiwi women are just kiwi women. Not all kiwi women are as people like to call them big bottomed uptight snotty people. I am a kiwi girl born and bred and I am definitely not big bottomed uptight and snotty and as a matter of fact none of my friends or family are either. To find a good partner is up to what that person wants in their future partner to be, there is no perfect person in this world and there never will be. Men like to do certain things that women don't like to do and vice versa just learn to live with it and deal.
P
For starters, throw out that checklist. If you want to be so particular about every detail then don't be surprised when no one measures up. Secondly, you need to put in your fair share of the effort instead of romantically expecting some knight in shining armour to sweep you off your feet. Equality remember?
Joy
I agree with Jo on the South African man comment. I have been with a guy from Johannesburg for 5 months and it has been the most wonderful time of my life. He is so polite, has wonderful morals, loves his family (and mine, and they love him too) and is an all-round wonderful person. He treats me well. Kiwi guys, you could learn from these kind of men! I know this is a generalisation but I have found kiwi guys to be very boring. They tend to be chicken, unromantic, aloof and afraid of commitment. Get some class!
Julz
I think the main thing to remember when finding a partner is not the expect to find Mr or Mrs Perfect. Everyone has flaws but that is what gives that person character. Be comfortable about who you are and the person you are with. I found my hubby overseas and I have never been happier, he is not Mr Perfect but he is my Mr Perfect, has his flaws but not afraid to admit it and loves me regardless. I don't think there is a good place as much as a bad place to find a partner. Everyone is different.
Madarab
To M from Christchurch, Why would the men need to leave NZ when it's the imbalance is in our favour and the quality imports keep arriving here? I'm not blaming the average NZ woman as these poor attitudes seem to be as a result from the highest levels of our government. Policies such as DPB, Property Relationship Acts, Ministry of Womens Affairs together with a single gender focus on health issues, (i.e. cervical and breast etc) has alienated men and has led many of you women to believe the world revolves around you. Just look at the gender preference in Parliament these days, the country has corrected a slight gender imbalance with a sledge hammer and as a result we have this terrible feminazi and PC culture where men are even too afraid to become school teachers. So M, I don't blame many of you for your bad attitudes, (but I do blame you for your big bums because that's just overeating).
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