Van Helsing

Reviewed by EWAN McDONALD

(Herald rating: * * *)


When Bram Stoker wrote Dracula, it is surmised, he identified so strongly with the vampire-hunter that he gave it his own name: Abraham — "Bram" — Van Helsing. Well, that's one theory, and it's as good and as valid as any other theory about Stoker and Dracula.

Stephen Sommers, who traded his children's movie background for computer-generated horror with Deep Rising, The Mummy and The Mummy Returns, a couple of years back, creates a tribute to the Friday night fright shows with a catch-all story that matches up Van Helsing, Frankenstein, his Monster, Dracula, the Wolf Man and other ill-assorted characters.

In fact, Sommers opens his movie with a wink to those flicks from the Universal studios and its spinning globe logo.

In a black-and-white remake of the last scene from Frankenstein, a mob is marching on the doomed scientist's castle to serve a permanent eviction notice on him and bury his creation under a windmill.

Except that ... Dracula (Richard Roxburgh) has taken over the castle and is trying to breathe new life into the mad scientist's discoveries, for reasons that will be explained in good horror movie style.

Van Helsing and his sidekick, a priest named Carl (David Wenham), are otherwise occupied at this time, tracking down Mr Hyde (Robbie Coltrane), who has an apartment in Notre Dame and only goes out to kill people.

When that job is botched, Van Helsing toddles off to the Vatican City to get new instructions from His Holiness and some high-tech weapons from a priest who has the technical savvy of James Bond's mate, Q.

When they arrive in Transylvania, the frustrated peasants turn on our heroes, who are saved when three flying vampires turn up. Van Helsing fights them off, which leads to him meeting Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale). She and her brother are the last generation of a family that can never rest easy until one of the rellies takes out Dracula.

Is this getting too silly for you yet? There is a whole lot more but it's probably enough to know that this is a terminally, relentlessly, unforgivingly stupid movie with bloody good effects.

* DVD, video rental 13 October