Adolescence has become one of Netflix's biggest hits. Photo / Netflix
Adolescence has become one of Netflix's biggest hits. Photo / Netflix
Over the past month, Adolescence has dominated the cultural conversation.
The British-based Netflix hit – notable for all the episodes being done in one take – follows a 13-year-old boy who has been accused of murdering a female classmate and the reactions from his family, the community and the justice system.
The series has sparked discussions about the “manosphere” – online communities and influencers that are drawing in young men. The British Government is even supporting the drama being shown in schools.
Andrew Reiner is a lecturer at Towson University in Maryland, US, where he teaches courses in men’s and cultural studies, and author of the book Better Boys, Better Men: The New Masculinity.
Speaking to Francesca Rudkin and Louise Ayrey on their NZ Herald podcast, The Little Things, Reiner said that while these conversations have been happening for several years, Adolescence has made more people start to pay attention.
However, he doesn’t think the show has got everything right.
“It’s understandable that any of us as parents and even educators would be concerned when we hear boys, for instance, talking amongst their friends about influencers who are in these spaces. We hear them saying things that make us cringe, quite literally.
“There’s a side to this that I feel shows like Adolescence and a lot of conversations don’t really cover and that’s the side of the boys.”
He said the conversation needs more context because there is a lot of “immediate reactivity” or a sense of “I told you so”.
Reiner said while a lot of boys and young men are being drawn to these spaces, and it is a cause for concern, Adolescence is still a fictitious show.
“We are really not asking the important questions of boys, which is why, why are many of them being drawn to these spaces in the first place? I feel like when it comes to boys, and it’s been this way for a while, we have a lot of conversations that are kind of over their heads. The conversations that we are having about them, we are not really getting into the trenches with boys and having these conversations.”
Andrew Reiner is a researcher and author who looks at men's issues. Photo / Supplied
He said he asked the groups he spoke to at six schools here if they thought people in their year would go to a counsellor if there was something they were struggling with.
“Crickets, no hands.
“Perception is reality, right? Which means that if they believe that the rest of the guys aren’t doing it, why would they do it? And so they might have a coach, they might have a teacher that they go to, but the reflexive answer almost always is I go to my male friends when they’re getting these kinds of messages in places like the manosphere.
“That means that they’re basically dealing with a lot of this alone, and the feedback that they’re getting often is not the feedback that we would wanna be giving them or having them hear. ”
Reiner said it’s important for parents and caregivers to have conversations with their sons in ways that are safe and supportive for them, and that there is space where it is safe for them to share feelings without a fear of retribution.
“This really is where we really need to be to get our boys back, by engaging with them and having these kinds of connections that a lot of us really don’t have with them. At least they don’t think so.
“I really hope that at the very least what will happen as a result of Adolescence and all the conversations that are happening, that we’ll meet boys more where they are and not where we are.
“Because we have so many expectations that we want boys to meet us where we are because we think we are in the right and we know what’s best all the time, and that it’s not possible that boys can know in any state of their lives what’s best for them. Boys really need us to meet them where they are right now.
“If we really wanna pull them back from this and have the kind of conversations that they will have. And they will meet there if they feel that we value what they have to say and that they can trust us with what they’re sharing with us.”
Listen to the full episode of The Little Things for the full conversation with Andrew Reiner about what we need to say to our boys, including:
What parents need to know about the manosphere
The damage caused by peer pressure and masculine stereotypes
How to deal with the appeal of Andrew Tate and other influencers
The important role that parents play
The expectations we put on boys
The Little Things is available on iHeartRadio, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. The series is hosted by broadcaster Francesca Rudkin and health researcher Louise Ayrey. New episodes are available every Saturday.
