I know the argument in defence of their relationship. Love is love, and love is ageless.
But is it?
Because age gaps create power imbalances. No matter how you look at Cook's love story with his fiancee, there's a serious power imbalance. Starting with the fact that when they first started dating, she wasn't legally allowed to drink in America, and he was a homeowner in his 40s.
And just to get personal for a second, when I was 19, I dated a guy in his 30s, and I thought it made me mature and cool – but, on reflection, he liked me because I was vulnerable and malleable.
I didn't have enough relationship experience or life experience to have any power within that relationship. I seriously believed this man when he told me it was normal for guys to turn off their phones when they went nightclubbing. Why? Because I was so much younger and was enamoured with the fact that he had his own apartment and a credit card.
Cook's engagement has also created a platform for middle-aged men to comment things like, "any guy in their 50s would love to date a woman in their 20s" and "younger women are better".
Honestly, if the news of your engagement allows for men's misogyny to show, then you're probably not in an equal relationship.
Cook is a middle-aged man with wealth and fame, and she's a fitness instructor that has built an influencer following off the back of dating Cook. When he first started dating her she wasn't even an influencer because she was a teenager who had just finished high school. I mean, it sounds less like a love story and more like the plot line of Taylor Swift's absolute banger, All Too Well.
Cook hasn't spoken out much about their age gap, but in 2019 during an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel, he joked: "People are like, 'You're robbing the cradle.' I was like, 'She hasn't slept in the cradle for like nine years. Relax'." And if that statement doesn't make you feel queasy, nothing will.
Yes, Taylor might be mature for her age, but any adult will tell you that maturity often comes with experience and how much experience can anyone have before they've even hit their mid-20s? Taylor might be mature, but she doesn't have experience or power, so Cook constantly has the advantage.
It's also worth pointing out that a nearly three-decade age gap would be significant in any scenario but it's also compounded by the fact that she's in her very early 20s, and he is in his 50s. Would it still be weird if she was in her 30s and he was in his 60s? Yes! But, at least the woman in the relationship would have a little more in the way of experience and financial dependency.
It is hard to celebrate Cook's engagement because he's about to marry someone he's been dating since she was a teenager. That isn't the stuff of romance. Frankly, I find it creepy.
Celebrating it would be normalising it and I'm sorry but I can't be any part of that. I don't wish the couple the best at all.
But I do wish Taylor the best. I hope she finds better.
Mary Madigan is a freelance writer.
