They are 49, divorced, a girlfriend half their age, have taken up Ceroc dancing and bought a convertible.
All the "tragic" signs of a midlife crisis, right?
But what if there's no such thing?
The concept was coined in 1965 by psychoanalyst Elliot Jaques who thought it reflected the dawning recognition of one's mortality. Yet whether it's a meltdown that happens between ages 40 and 60 as people look to relive their youth, or something deeper, has become clearer.
A leading New Zealand psychologist says a midlife crisis has been regularly sensationalised through film and social media tropes, and sorry males, but it's you who are usually targeted.
"It's portrayed as having an affair, buying a motorcycle or a fast car, and looking a bit tragic, really," says Dr Kirsty Ross, of Massey University.
The reality is, that it's a developmental life stage and "complex" transition point.
Midlife is often a time when people are stretched thin, she says.
"You have a lot of responsibility within your family and work, and everywhere you look, there's a weight of expectation about doing the right thing and a feeling of significant consequences if you don't.
"It's understandable that many people ask 'is this it?' and feel their life has become stale.
"It's a real experience that people have and it's not that easy to shrug it off because you can't."
Instead, Ross says we need to normalise that transitions create reflection, and how well people navigate a transition, will vary for everyone.
For example, if someone who has always valued their looks is faced with "a changing body, wrinkles and saggy jowls", they are going to feel down.
Someone who has defined themself in other ways - such as strengths and values, physical changes may not be as upsetting.
"Our identity and the way we conceptualise ourselves changes during these periods because there are so many changes physically, emotionally, hormonally, and interpersonally. It's a big period of time with a lot of change and navigating it can create a jolt for people."
More midlifers are also having an awakening thanks to Covid-19.
In The Rise of the Covid Midlife Crisis printed in the New Yorker in 2021, a marketing executive named Jessie, described the thoughts that kept running through her head as she attended Zoom meetings last summer: "The world is literally on fire".
"Lots of things have been disrupted for people through no fault of their own," Ross says. "Their life has been put on to a course that was just not anticipated."
However, sometimes change is also planned.
Someone who suddenly leaves their job, moves towns, or ends a relationship - that may have been brewing for some time.
"We often perceive something is sudden and dramatic and must be a sign of 'this person's having a crisis and has lost it', but actually, for all you know, there could be a lot of stuff that's led up to that and could be quite deliberate, planned and well thought through," Ross says.
Begin your metamorphosis
If familiarity or responsibility is breeding content, beware that a job or partner may not be the problem.
It could be that the "sameness" of life has put a person in a black hole.
So, what can people do to create some newness?
Ross suggests to start planning - both short and long-term.
"One of the beautiful things about this midlife age is you're more likely to be in a financial position to go away for a night. Maybe your children are teenagers and you no longer need to get a babysitter, or you have the funds for personal or professional development.
"There are barriers that aren't there anymore that you can use to bring back spontaneity and freshness to things."
Rather than calling it a midlife crisis, the new phrase in the 21st Century should be a midlife "tune-up", says Jane, a 55-year-old Bay of Plenty woman who did not want her proper name used.
"At this age, many can afford luxuries like a new European convertible or holiday in Italy ... We've been in a marriage too long, but can now finally afford a divorce lawyer, and have the confidence to leave, because we know ourselves better, and know we can be happy single."
To Jane, midlife is about navigating the next half century, looking ahead and seeing life through a "fresh lens", and considering what you want this next chapter to look and feel like.
"We have different values, the corporate chase is winding up soon. We see there's so much more to experience. I don't think there's anything crisis about that. I think it's an awakening."
Ross encourages people to do life reviews.
"Start with asking: Am I happy in the here and now?'. If yes, would I be happy with this [in a chosen time frame]? If not, can I do anything that would change that answer? If not, what would I like to be doing in 5 years? How can I move towards that?"
Life is too short
Yolanda Adlam is a woman who's begun making changes.
In early 2021, at 58, she left her job of 11 years as head of careers and transition at Rotorua Boys' High School.
At the same time, she took up exercise and meditation and talked to friends more about how she was feeling, and made a rough five-year plan.
"I would say it was a re-evaluation in the wake of Covid, rather than a crisis. Crisis implies drama. I liked my job but I wanted a change."
She got a new job working in MIQ in Rotorua, and now works part-time in learning and development at Rotorua Hospital.
"I'm confident I made the right move. It's more important you live by your core values than just continue to do (the same) things every day."
However, she acknowledges 2022 has brought a new set of challenges for midlifers with the rising cost of living, making change scarier.
On top of this, she believes change can be harder for men.
"There's more of a societal vision on them, whereas women over their lifetime, particularly mothers, are seen to shift their positions. We're accustomed to it. Guys sit in that sameness for a long, long time."
Delilah Whaitiri is another woman who's made a change. She quit her job as a journalist and at nearly 44, is starting a women's improvement network and writing her first book Woman UP, which will be her life lessons on self-respect and self-love.
"I came to a place in my life where I had to live a life congruent with myself.
"I have chosen to focus on empowering others. It came after eight months of a niggly feeling that I wasn't living my purpose. Covid also contributed to a deep feeling of being out of alignment."
If you can relate, Ross recommends having a vent to your midlife friends.
Chances are, they're feeling the same way.
"There are times when change can be helpful and this is about getting through a transition point, and feeling like you have support, and people who get it.
"It feels hard because it is hard, but you've always got options and choices in the future if your feelings about your current life circumstances change.
"People always need to know there is a way to move in a different direction if they are in a situation that no longer lines up with their values and goals in life."
