Antonia Murphy ran an escort agency in Whangārei for three years. Madam, a fictionalised TV series starring Rachel Griffiths based on Antonia’s life experiences, premieres on Three tonight. Photo / Kirsty Griffin
Antonia Murphy ran an escort agency in Whangārei for three years. Madam, a fictionalised TV series starring Rachel Griffiths based on Antonia’s life experiences, premieres on Three tonight. Photo / Kirsty Griffin
THREE KEY FACTS
Sex work was decriminalised in New Zealand with the Prostitution Reform Act 2003, aiming to reduce the exploitation of sex workers and improve health and safety
A brothel owner must have a special licence and comply with rules, including making sure the sex workers are over 18, New Zealand residents, and use safer sex practices
Madam, a new TV series premiering on Three, details the experiences of Antonia Murphy, an Auckland-based American who ran a brothel in Whangārei for three years. Her non-fiction memoir Madam will be published in October.
OPINION
WARNING: This story deals with sexual content and is suitable for adults only
I’m Antonia, the Madam of The Bach, an ethical escort agency I ran in Whangārei from 2017-2019. Wait, what? An ethical...escort agency? How can sex work be ethical? Well, like this:at The Bach, we were entirely consent-based. Ladies were never told to take a booking; they were always asked. Clients were required to behave safely and respectfully or we banned them. And at the time, we paid our escorts more than 10 ten times the minimum wage.
Prostitution has been decriminalised in New Zealand since 2003, so I wasn’t breaking any laws as an “owner-operator”. I thought my agency would be a good little business, a naughty, fun way to make some money. But after three years of running The Bach, I also learned some important life lessons – some shining pearls of wisdom, plucked from the world’s oldest profession. Here’s my top 10:
1. Decriminalised does not mean ‘Sweet As’. When you’re running a legal escort agency, you’re still forced to live in the shadows. In Whangārei, this meant we weren’t allowed to put a sign on the street, and when the nearby kindergarten complained, the council almost shut us down. We also couldn’t advertise for workers on TradeMe or Winz, because neither of them accepts ads “of an adult nature,” even if we were paying women $150 an hour.
From left to right: Ariāna Osborne, Gemma-Jayde Naidoo, Carmel McGlone, Florence Hartigan, Rachel Griffiths, Johanna Cosgrove, and Moana Johnson in TV show Madam.
2. People do sex work because they need to make a living. Most people who do sex work do it for the same reasons you do your job: to support their kids, to pay their rent, to put food on the table. Some do it to buy expensive handbags, and yes, some do it to feed an addiction. But guess what? Those are all reasons why people go to an office job, too.
3.Sex work isn’t just about the sex. In fact, sex work isn’t even mostly about the sex. The majority of our clients were ordinary people seeking a human connection. Yes, some guys wanted a quick shag. But many more were in sexless marriages, or they were working so hard they didn’t have time for a girlfriend. Some were elderly widowers, or living with crippling shyness or physical disabilities. The truth is, most of the time I didn’t think of our business as selling sex. I thought of it as treating loneliness.
4. There aren’t enough supports in place for solo mothers. Most of the women who came to work at The Bach were solo mums trying to make ends meet with little or no child support from their exes. Some of them had good jobs, but they still couldn’t keep up with the bills. And if they took on a second job, they knew their childcare costs would double. That’s why a flexible job with a high hourly rate was so attractive – and in the first year, we offered free childcare.
5. Women are sick of having bad sex for free on Tinder. Dating apps and hookup culture might have seemed free and liberated 15 years ago, but guess what, guys? The ladies are over it. They’d love it if a guy took them out on a date and behaved like a gentleman, but that’s not what’s on offer these days. How many times did I hear: “I’m already having bad sex for free on Tinder; I might as well get paid for it!”
6. New Zealand has a major methamphetamine problem. And I don’t mean with sex workers – I mean everybody. We had clients at The Bach with big, important jobs or who ran their own businesses, and they would visit us obviously high or coming down. I know you hear about these stories in the media and you probably think ‘Oh, it’s those other people’. No. It’s your neighbour. It’s your colleague. P is everywhere, and it’s a massive problem.
Robbie Magasiva, Rachel Griffiths and Martin Henderson in Madam. Photo / Kirsty Griffin
7. Straight men don’t wash their bums. Ah, the eternal question. Did no one teach them? Are they afraid they’ll turn gay if they touch it? Take it from a professional Madam: clean is sexy, and that means soap. Wash it, boys! The women in your life will thank you.
8. Older men are often better in bed. Yes, there’s something to be said for experience, but that’s not all: too many young men these days have grown up learning about sex from porn. Before the Internet (and especially smartphones!) porn just wasn’t that easy to come by, so men had to (gasp!) actually communicate with their sex partners. My advice to young men is: put away the porn and talk to the beautiful lady in front of you.
9. The media poisons men’s brains with a narrow idea of beauty. “Which one is the youngest?” “Which one is the slimmest?” “Do you have any white ladies on today?” We got those requests so often, we came up with an anagram: we called them PSWG, which stands for Pretty, Skinny White Women. And it’s the client who misses out! Open your eyes: the world is full of stunning women of all ages, races, and sizes, but TV and movies make too many men think that skinny, white and young = better.
10. Women should negotiate more. “Can I get a discount?” “Can I get an extra for free?” “Can I pay in crayfish?” (yes, that was a real request!) When running The Bach, I quickly noticed that men are never afraid to ask for a discount. At first, I found this cheeky and annoying – and then I thought, you know what? Good on them! Women should speak up more and ask for what WE want! Because you just never know, you might get it.
‘A lot to think about as it goes to air’
Dame Catherine Healy, national coordinator and a founding member of the New Zealand Prostitutes’ Collective, on helping to bring Madam to screens
Dame Catherine Healy, the national coordinator and a founding member of the New Zealand Prostitutes' Collective.
NZPC:Aotearoa New Zealand Sex Workers’ Collective was invited to provide comment on the Madam script and was pleased those involved in the production and lead actor Rachel Griffiths, took time to meet with us. We, like the rest of the audience, will have a lot to think about as it goes to air. It will certainly resonate on many levels. It’s a lively account of a fictional brothel based on many a true story.
NZPC was established in 1987 by people with lived experience of sex work, and is committed to seeking rights, safety, health and well-being for all sex workers. We provide a range of services, including comprehensive information to people who are considering sex work, or sexual health check-ups. We provide support to people who experience harm, such as those who are impacted by stigma, or other forms of violence. We support people to report crimes and those who are seeking a change in direction. We also train complementary organisations involved in providing support and care to sex workers, such as health professionals and the police.
Sex workers and operators of sex work venues are heavily stigmatised, and are often presented in ways that ensure the stigma is reinforced. It’s usual to see them presented in a one-dimensional light, either as victims of a trauma, if a sex worker, or as brutish thugs, if an operator of a sex work business. Many different kinds of people are involved in sex work and have a multitude of experiences that don’t involve trauma or thugs, yet it is this tired old story that’s reproduced.
Antonia Murphy and Rachel Griffiths. Photo / Kirsty Griffin
We were concerned that the series would portray sex workers as requiring ‘sorting out,’ with a need to be ‘taught how to behave,’ by a know-it-all American crusader. Of course, Antonia, in real life, isn’t like this, and the fictionalised story tackles this head on.
We do struggle with the terminology of an ‘ethical brothel’, as it immediately pitches other sex workers and their operators into the role of being unethical, subscribing to the concept of the ‘whorearchy’. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s often the broader context that surrounds sex work that may be unethical, such as the way migrants on work visas are prohibited from being sex workers, presumably to protect them from being trafficked to New Zealand. In fact, this type of legislative response acts as an enabler of exploitative and trafficking-like conditions. Sex workers who are working in breach of their visas fear deportation, and are afraid to challenge exploitative work practices or report threats of coercion.
Madam seeks to counteract negative attitudes towards sex workers by showing their agency and independence.
Sex work is mostly decriminalised in New Zealand, which means there will be an interest in the show internationally. Many sex workers and operators of brothels in other countries, work in criminalised environments and may well marvel at the ability for sex workers to have places to work from, that are recognised and protected as work environments.
Madam, starring Rachel Griffiths, Martin Henderson, Mike Minogue, Danielle Cormack, Rima Te Wiata and Robbie Magasiva, premieres on Thursday, July 4 on Three and ThreeNow. Antonia Murphy’s memoir, Madam, will be published by Simon & Schuster in October
