Women's taste in fashion changes and adapts but men's doesn't budge. Photo / Getty Images
Women's taste in fashion changes and adapts but men's doesn't budge. Photo / Getty Images
Women's taste in fashion changes and adapts but men's doesn't budge: they have a fixed shortlist of things that provoke a visceral negative reaction, and another list of things they like, without knowing why.
The not-for-men list includes:
1. Clogs (wooden soles)
This must be connected to anxieties about rogue dental assistants, Nurse Ratched, and memories of colonoscopies. We think they're fresh and Swedish, but men genuinely find them disturbing. On the plus side, they really like anything khaki and militaryesque, particularly jumpsuits (it's a Hot Lips thing, or possibly a Maverick/Goose thing).
By which we mean high-waisted jeans. High-waisted anything makes them nervous, perhaps because to carry it off you have to have a really small waist. Mom style, otherwise, they secretly like... as in those Sixties fitted cotton dresses Jessica Raine is wearing in The Last Post, swooshy Carmen-rollered hair, and matching feminine undies (minus rust stains).
This is one of those things women like and men sort of go along with, while panicking that it might be a bit Pat Butcher. What about Mrs Robinson, you ask? They didn't notice the coat, they were drunk on the stockings and suspenders, that's what.
You would think, wouldn't you, but while women imagine these are slam-dunk sexy, men are not sold. They were partial to Emma Peel and Suzi Quatro in their all-in-ones, but that was different. Somewhere between the Beckhams' double leather act and Theresa May's big floppies, they lost the urge. They like a biker jacket though, so long as it's not too CHiPs.
While women imagine these are slam-dunk sexy, men are not sold. Photo / 123RF
5. Laddered jeans
These remind them of Bros - it's that simple. However, a bit of nick in the knee, now that they have seen it on Meghan Markle, is acceptable.
These remind them of Bros - it's that simple. Photo / Getty Images
6. Oversized Aran jumpers
Very much In at the moment, but for them as desirable as Val Doonican. Unless worn with nothing else, in which case go ahead.
Traditional Aran jumpers. Photo / 123RF
7. Giant shoulders
We are having a big shoulder moment, and the silhouette for spring 2018 is even bigger shoulders, otherwise known as the look that makes men think automatically of the Honey Monster and O J Simpson.
Jennifer Garner has posted a picture of herself - make-up free, looking miserable and knackered - with the caption "You will never need coffee more than the day after Yes Day". (Apparently Yes Day is the one day a year when you say yes to all your children's demands, within reason). So many questions about this one. How do you define "within reason", especially if you're a Hollywood star? (Please don't try this, David Beckham, you will end up buying Harper the Maldives). And why do it if you hate it? And just why? Are your kids really starved of treats and liberty? How about Just Say No Day and see how that goes?
Feel a bit sorry for husbands all over the world in light of the latest intervention from Barack Obama? You may remember Barack was responsible for making "date night" a modern marriage essential (first blow to men who were hoping to keep it as "football and back to Jerry's" night). Now he has upset the status quo again with a surprise video message to Michelle, love-bombing her on their 25th wedding anniversary. On our last wedding anniversary, we got garage flowers, a Moomin (also from the garage) and a slightly sturdier padlock for our bicycle saddle. As of now, that's not Obama enough.
