Hattie Moleta is a sleep consultant - otherwise known as a baby whisperer - helping mums get their babies into a regular night-time routine. Photo / Supplied
Hannah Anderson is so “disgustingly A-type” she got in touch with a sleep consultant before she even had a baby.
The business development manager and husband Jack had decided she would return to work when the new baby was about five months old, so sleep was vital for the whole family.
“I love being a mum but I also love my job and the way it makes me feel,” Hannah says. “I take my hat off to stay-at-home mums because that is hard work, but for me to be the best mum, I needed to be back in the office.”
When Fiadh arrived towards the end of 2022, she was a fairly good sleeper, only waking “three or four times a night”.
But everything changed at 12 weeks.
Fiadh moved from the newborn to infant stage and began waking hourly. As she was bottle fed, that meant making a fresh bottle, feeding, trying to soothe her back to sleep – and then repeat an hour later.
“I was starting to get pretty anxious about what returning to work was going to be like,” Hannah says. “The sleep deprivation changed me as well - it’s like someone turns the saturation down on your good qualities and the sharpness up on your anxieties and worries.”
Hannah called in her sleep consultant and began the process of setting a routine in place in the hope of getting the sleep she needed – and bringing back her happy baby, who seemed to have transformed into a sleepless nightmare.
Hannah is one of thousands of new parents employing the use of sleep consultants. The concept of paying for someone to help you get your baby to sleep is not new - but it has become a boom industry in recent years, particularly with the ease of a ready and willing customer base glued to social media in the early hours of the morning.
The desire – or in many cases the need – to go back to work has only grown amid the cost of living crisis, which means shelling out some savings for a regular 12 hours of sleep a night is more attractive than ever to strung-out new parents.
The cost can be anywhere from some $100 for a phone consultation to thousands of dollars to have someone stay a night in your home with a promise to teach all the tips and tricks to guarantee a peaceful baby.
Quite how big the boom is, is hard to get a handle on – there is no need to be registered or licensed and there is no regulatory body to govern the industry. That has caused some concern vulnerable parents at their wits’ end could fall victim to people with little expertise. Meanwhile, there is also a generation – which many new mums with mothers-in-law will attest to - that thinks sleep training is a waste of time and money.
Sleep consultant Hattie Moleta says babies crave certainty and that’s what a sleep consultant can provide.
“A new parent who is struggling with sleep needs reassurance and guidance, they want to feel confident in understanding their baby’s needs and how to meet them,” she says. “They want some order where chaos looms. They need sleep too.”
Moleta launched A Sister Mama two and a half years ago. She is a mum of three girls, so says she understands as much as anyone the daunting task for new parents.
“What I show them is done with compassion and understanding. I give them the confidence and skills they need to both care for their baby and recognise their baby’s needs. I empower new parents by giving them the tools they need so their baby can thrive.”
Moleta is at the economy end of the scale, charging from $225 for an online lesson to $630 for an overnight stay. She believes sleep consultancy is here to stay and should be embraced by the mainstream health sector as part of a holistic approach for new parents.
She cites the example of one mum she visited who answered her door at 4pm in a dressing gown, bent over with abdominal pain “too afraid to put her crying baby down so she could go to the bathroom, instead she’d just held on for several hours”.
“I see lots of tears from lovely mums who are completely drained and overwhelmed. I have referred many mums back to their GPs for more in-depth mental health and postnatal care.”
Although there is no registration or licensing in New Zealand, Moleta is an advanced newborn care specialist and is partway through studying for a Bachelor of Health Science at Auckland University of Technology.
Ultimately, Moleta would like to see appropriate recognition for sleep-deprived parents and public funding so sleep consultants can be for everyone and “not just those who can afford it”.
“Sleep deprivation, or not getting sufficient sleep, extracts a heavy toll on us all in terms of mental wellness, health and safety.
“It’s heartbreaking to see families going through postnatal depression after their precious baby is born, and even more heartbreaking is the number of mums who battle through it alone, going undiagnosed, untreated and unsupported – robbed of the joys and special time with their precious little ones.”
Mention the words “sleep training” and it’s a guarantee sooner or later the conversation will turn to the “cry it out” method. Developed by US paediatrician Richard Ferber in the 1980s and popularised by British author Gina Ford, it has something of a bad wrap. The idea of leaving a baby crying until they fall asleep fills most people with horror. But you’d be hard-pushed to find anyone who recommends this – in fact, most sleep consultants favour a controlled crying method whereby the baby is only left for short intervals before being either comforted or fed.
Sleep consultant Victoria Newport of Early Parenting says she would never recommend “cry it out”.
She calls her favoured method “spaced soothing”, which encourages babies to learn to go to sleep independently without being rocked or fed.
Newport believes there should be wider acceptance of sleep consulting.
“Navigating baby and toddler sleep can be very challenging,” she says. “These challenges are not a reflection of parenting skills, and seeking help should not be looked upon unfavourably. Seeking help with your child’s sleep is a positive step towards the wellbeing of the entire family.”
Mum Olivia Gill says she experienced negative comments from other mothers when she decided to try a sleep consultant.
“There is also a lot of negativity online with so many misconceptions around it,” says Gill, mum to 11-month-old Billie.
The family found the strict routine a big adjustment, but she says the payoff of an unbroken night’s sleep was worth it. Now she happily tells friends about the positive experience she had – but still finds some of the negativity frustrating.
“I think parents (and mums particularly) have enough pressures already so everyone should just support people’s choices as everyone is doing their best.”
That’s a view backed by the charity Parenting Place. Senior Parent Coach Jenny Hale says almost every parent they see is challenged by some level of sleep deprivation – and that can affect everyone in the family.
She says there is so much information that it can become overwhelming for new parents so a tailored solution through a sleep consultant can be a good idea.
“It makes sense to me – and it makes sense to seek someone who can understand your family and provide gentle and consistent support.”
There remains scepticism about the industry. Neuroscience educator and parenting expert Nathan Wallis warned against adopting rigid routines and told Radio New Zealand last year that sleep training benefits parents more than babies.
But studies have also shown children who were sleep trained as babies have no emotional or developmental impact later in life.
For Hannah Anderson, employing a sleep consultant was a necessary process “or I was going to be an absolute zombie of death”.
She and Jack used the spaced soothing method – Fiadh would cry for three minutes then be soothed, then be left for five minutes, soothed again and then for eight minutes and soothed again if needed.
“I was worried if we were doing the right thing - would Fiadh be panicked and upset? The first few times were hard - but probably in hindsight harder on me than her because she took to it really well.
“Within a few days, we had our first full night’s sleep - which was like being reborn myself. The sleep deprivation had drained me beyond what I had comprehension of, so to have this back was life-changing.”
Today, Anderson is back at work and says her 15-month-old daughter is a “happy wee bundle of joy”. She acknowledges that every baby is different but, for her family, the sleep training meant a new lease of life.
“I got my evenings back. I could pour a glass of wine, have a hot dinner with a knife and fork at the table instead of shovelling it cold with one hand.”
Evenings are no longer something to be dreaded from early afternoon. And the sometimes-rigid routine is worth the sacrifice for a good night’s sleep.
“I realise it is a lot to do with temperament, but I also attribute Fiadh’s happy nature to her meeting her sleep needs - because God knows that sleep deprivation makes anyone cranky.”
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