Nicola Jenks assaulted a teenager she believed had been bullying her daughter. / Supplied
It was hard to connect the timid figure of Nicola-Jane Jenks as she exited the Auckland District Court two weeks ago to the enraged mother beating and abusing a teenage girl in 2016.
Bullying Free NZ advises if you've already had a personal sit down with your school principal, you can make a written complaint to the school's Board of Trustees.
School boards are held to account legally on their bullying record by the Ministry of Education.
"The Education Review Office plays a key role inspecting the school's policies on the provision of a physically and emotionally safe environment for students. This includes a specific focus on bullying," Ministry of Education deputy secretary of enablement Katrina Casey said.
If the school's board has brought no resolution, you can take your complaint to your local Ministry of Education office or the Office of the Children's Commissioner.
If the bullying involves criminal behaviour, it's strongly advised parents contact the police.
Confronting your child's bully, or their family
An Auckland mum lashed out and assaulted a teenage girl who has been bullying her daughter - grabbing her by the hair. Nicola Jane Jenks has avoided a conviction.
A 2015 Victoria University study found 38 per cent of a sample of parents approached the parents of their child's bully, and 23 per cent approached the bully.
Bullying expert Professor Vanessa Green acknowledged if the "police option has been exhausted" some parents do "deal directly with the bully or their family with mixed results".
However, Rotorua's Kaitao Intermediate principal Phil Palfrey vehemently objects to this option and says, ideally, he wants as little parental involvement as possible.
Palfrey, who has also completed a thesis on bullying, says parents notoriously fall into the trap of believing exaggerated accounts from their children.
"Parents can just completely ruin it. We would involve them if it got to a suspension, a serious thing," Palfrey said.
"But too many parents always think you've got to have punitive measures, and they don't work."
Parents should first of all keep evidence of the bullying and save abusive messages and pictures sent to their child.
However, taking away a child's computer or mobile phone isn't advised as it further isolates them from their peers and friends.
A practical step is to teach your child the features available on social networking sites for blocking and "unfriending" people, and updating privacy settings.
Netsafe is an online advice service: www.netsafe.org.nz; 0508 638723.
Coaching your child, home support
Parents simply talking to children about bullying is repeatedly cited as the most effective response.
"How the parent reacts is important. They shouldn't underplay the situation, however they also shouldn't over-react as the child may feel it's their fault," Prof Green says.
"One simple strategy the child and parent can practice to help the child survive the experience is simply saying 'NO' to the bully in an assertive and convincing way."
Victoria University found 31 per cent of parents did eventually transfer their child to another class or school in the case of extreme bullying.
Green describes this as a last-ditch effort but points out decades of evidence show whole school anti-bullying programmes "not only stop bullying but prevent it from happening in the first place".
A dose of perspective and restraint
Despite the huge emotional toll which bullying can have on parents, Palfrey above all advises calmness and early reporting.
He questions whether the case of Auckland woman Nicola-Jane Jenks was really the culmination of two years of bullying.
"That is total assault. It's so easy for someone to say their child has been bullied over two years," Palfrey said.
