KEY POINTS:
Herald Rating: * * *
The Lord Nelson
Address: 37 Victoria St, City
Phone: (09) 379 4564
Web: www.lordnelson.co.nz
Open: Dinner 7 days, lunch Mon-Fri
Cuisine: Retro
On the menu: Crumbed camembert with apricot sauce $7.50; Carpetbag steak $28.50; Brandy snaps $6
Wine: Reasonable selection and prices
Paul:
And here's to you, Mrs Robinson ...
G: Jesus loves you, we've stepped back into the 80s. We should be wearing our tie-dyed T-shirts.
E: I never wore tie-dyed T-shirts. Burgundy crimplene suit, salmon shirt with big round collars, psychedelic tie. And platform shoes.
G: Platform shoes?
E: I was short in those days. And Elton John was very big.
It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside Lord Nelson. G and I are Kiwi boys who grew up in the 80s. We remember when dining out meant a carpetbag steak or chicken Maryland at Cobb & Co. There were a few Chinese, if you needed to impress your date. No Italians. The French would not arrive until just after that Rainbow Warrior thing. We were very young at the time.
G: It's not The Grove, is it?
E: Or The French Cafe.
G: I used to come here in the 80s. I think I went out with a waitress who worked here.
E: Your wife may read this. You are not sure. It was the 80s; no-one can remember, and if they can ...
G: I wasn't here. I think these light fittings were, though. And the menu. Only the prices have changed.
Waitress: Would you boys like a drink? Perhaps a beer?
E: Mt Difficulty pinot noir 05.
G: They don't have the 02? It was the primo year.
E: We're not really fitting into this Kiwi-lad-retro thing, are we? Should we ask if they do Lyon Rouge cocktails?
G: I want to start with the soup, but only if it's French onion. With cheese. That was the go.
E: Mushrooms on toast. Do you remember? At the really flash places, they did them in sherry sauce. The height of sophistication.
Waitress: The soup of the day is seafood chowder.
G: I'll have the prawn cocktail.
Joe: Lord, lift us up where we belong ...
E: Speaking of tie-dyed T-shirts ...
G: I'm disappointed. No, shocked. This prawn cocktail is on a platter. It should be in a cocktail glass.
E: How does it taste?
G: Fine, if a little frozen. You've got a lot of toast there.
E: Oh, I don't know. Six slices for an entree? And button mushrooms, fresh from the can. That's true to the period. We never had cepes, or shiitake, or truffles.
G: True, we had a disadvantaged youth but look how we turned out. Credit to our parents. Poster boys for 80s values.
E: Me, pepper steak. Though I am tempted by Hawaiian ham steak. And chicken schnitzel.
G: Reef'n beef. Do you think that's a weight watcher's version of surf'n turf?
Dionne: Do you know the way to San Jose?
G: I'm having fillet mignon. Well, you have to, don't you?
Waitress: Would you like vegetables?
E: Is that in keeping with the period? We're supposed to be doing retro here.
G: It's cauliflower and courgettes in a tomato sauce.
E: I don't think we had a courgette in the house when we were growing up. That might have been because we were Anglicans. We had cauliflower, cabbage, Brussels sprouts. They were all the same after they were boiled for 20 minutes.
G: I have to have potato croquette. I haven't seen one since 1982.
E: You Manurewa people were always flash. Shackleton Rd boys love chips.
G: This is good. Okay, it's not the Jervois Steakhouse, but we're not paying $100.
E: We should be. Several African nations would be happy with this amount of food. Are we doing dessert?
G: Brandy snaps. Chocolate whisky cake. Hokey pokey ice cream. I'm tempted but ...
E: But your wi ... personal trainer wouldn't approve.
G: So, what did you think?
E: Enjoyed the trip back.
G: But?
E: I'm glad that we have moved on, that our restaurants offer us so much more, so many better ingredients and cuisines and panache. And I'm glad we left before the Moody Blues or ELO came up on the record player. Or whatever they call it these days.