The Kingslander, Kingsland

There’s no need to miss what’s on the telly while sampling the chef’s cheesecake with fruit sauce. Picture / Carolyn Robertson

Herald rating: * * 1/2

We wanted to go the Kingslander two Saturdays ago so that we could leave the Television Critic at home watching some game on the telly. We girls could escape, we figured. How thick were we? Very.

When I phoned to book, the guy on the other end of the phone said they weren't doing a la carte, only bar snacks "because of the final". They would be far too busy to do food. I was so stunned I forgot to say: "Oh well, we won't come tomorrow either because the netball's on."

Anyway, we went on a Tuesday instead and at 7.25pm I said: "Corrie's on in a minute. Could you change the channel?"

The waitress laughed, obligingly, and said she'd see what she could do. Which was to laugh obligingly. To her credit she didn't say: "Yeah, right." Because the Kingslander is a sports bar. It is also a Tuis Bar.

We counted eight tellies all tuned to Sky Sport. It even has, ingenious this, little tellies attached to the underside of the beer pumps so that you don't miss a minute of the game while queuing for your pint.

If I'm going to eat in a sports bar, I'm going to have steak and chips. They can serve some greens with it if they like, I'm not all that fussed.

What they did serve the oven-roasted sirloin with was roasted tomatoes, which I loathe. So, without any fuss at all, they replaced these with some green beans.

We thought we'd better have some entree stuff first so we ordered a basket of bread, which allegedly came with some dips, and a pate of wild boar. This never arrived.

Other things tried to arrive on our table by way of an increasingly confused waitress who we observed doing a couple of circuits of the barn-like space with a bowl of onion rings.

We were offered two plates of venison sausage and a latte - the latter leaving a milky ring on the table. The latte wasn't ours. The milky ring was, for the rest of the evening.

One plate of sausage came. It had - like the onion rings - had a jolly good sprint around the circuit. We said we were still waiting for the entrees. But, no, apparently we were having our mains. Now. Golly. And I thought Graham Henry was strict.

My steak, ordered medium rare, wasn't. The chips were some odd aberration of chips, called "bridge" chips. Is that another word for soggy?

There was a mushroom and onion compote. Have you ever eaten canned mushrooms? Then you know how disgusting these were.

The Kingslander has a flash-sounding pub menu and prices to match. My sirloin was $27.50. These are restaurant prices and they face some good competition in the neighbourhood.

Alas, what their menu proves is that anyone can write a menu - executing it is quite another feat.

The Kingsland local had some prawns on a tumeric and coriander potato thing (I'm not going to repeat menu silliness here). She quite liked it.

The TV Critic had the bangers. This was the perfect pub meal: big fat venison snarlers with boiled spuds and cabbage. Actually, that would be the perfect Corrie meal too, when you think about it. It was $27.50.

We had one overworked, very efficient and charming waitress. And one - who kept taking food for a power-walk - totally useless one. And we waited for far too long for any sort of service at all.

The Welsh couple we met outside said it was grand upstairs - you could have a fag on the balcony by the fire and only feel like half a leper. This is a good thing in a sports bar.

The brulee, curdled, wasn't a good thing, anywhere you cared you eat it. But we shared a very good little sticky date pud. However, I don't think you go here for sticky pud. I think boys go here to watch all those tellies. It's a sort of heaven for sports nuts.

We sheilas spent the evening planning a new concept: the soap bar where you could go to have a pint, watch Corrie and have a nice steak and chips.

A little tweaking and channel changing and the Kingslander could be a contender.

Address: 470 New North Rd, Kingsland
Ph: 849 5777
Open: Seven days from 11am until 1am
Head chef: Andrew Fletcher
From the menu: Risotto of local portobello mushrooms, slow-roasted tomatoes and horopito-infused avocado oil, $14; claypot braised chicken with green olives, preserved lemon and smoked potato, $22; chef's homemade cheesecake with fruit sauces, $8; vegetarian - deep fried onion rings are vegetables
Wine list: small selection by the glass, slightly more variety by the bottle
Bottom line: You can have sport with your steak, your chook, and even, possibly, with your wild boar should it ever arrive. Never mind, while you wait you can have ... sport


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